Share your funny vacation horror stories to American cities in this thread.
You know I like to bash certain American cities and towns with phrases like, "That place is a dump; that place is horrible; and that place is boring!" But optimistically those places must have something. Scranton is bad but it could get better if the residents had a better attitude. Detroit has potential, the people just need jobs. Buffalo, NY shouldn't be bulldozed entirely, it should just be reconstructed a little. And heck, even Salt Lake City has.....it has....
......um......
Anyway, two American cities I have visited are definitely on my list of "Cities w/o Hope!" Phoenix, AZ and Dallas, Texas are those two. I've been to Dallas several times to visit relatives who live near Oak Lawn. My first time was a few years ago. I was unimpressed with that characterless city then as I was now. I noticed that despite the cowboys, good barbeque, and sunny weather, that place has little to offer. I remember being near Thanksgiving Square with my cousin wondering why Texans think such a boring city was so great when a couple of Texans showed up. As they walked past us they must have heard me mumble, "Dallas is dumb and boring!" They didn't hesitate to get into our faces.
"What did you say, you pigf--k?!" yelled one of them. (That is the first and only time I've ever been called that. "Dallas is boring? Dallas is great! Where do you come from?"
"I'm from Minneapolis," I replied.
"Minneapolis?" asked the other. "What dey got in Minneapolis?"
They didn't really wait for my reply they just blasted at me. Telling me how much Dallas was so great and why I was such a "Richard Simmons-lovin homosexual" because I didn't like Dallas. I'm not making this up!
A cop came eventually and broke up the argument. He sent asked what it was about and we told him. He eventually let the other two go, and even my cousin, but he kept me around to give me a lecture on why his crappy city was so great! I couldn't believe it. For almost an hour I was standing with some cop in Thanksgiving Square listening to him go on about Dull-as. If that wasn't bad enough another cop eventually strolled up to us and joined in on the conversation. This added another thirty minutes to the lecture. It was horrible. I was sweating, tired, and hungry beyond belief. It took me over an hour just to get away from them. And the funny thing about it was that those two cops were fat in an abnormal way. Texans have a weird way of getting fat. Those two cops had too much upper body fat compared to their lower bodies. They could have fed two starving villages in Ethiopia with their upper body fat alone. No joke!
After I left them the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening was uneventful. The city was dead on a Saturday. We drove around the place looking at things until we decided to park and walk to the West End. There we went to a stripclub. Only a few of the dancers impressed me. My brother bought me a dance with a stripper who stank so bad that I held my breath throughout the entire thing. I was turning purple. I thought employees were supposed to wash whenever they went back to work. Apparently she didn't know that. Her taco smelled like a moldy cabbage. After she was done I went back to the center stage and saw a stripper who was even worse. She had the meanest face I had ever seen on a stripper. She looked even more angry and hateful than the most notorious gangsta rappers. She would have put those dudes to shame with her stare. I looked around and wondered, "Is somebody holding her at gunpoint and making her dance? Why does she look so vicious?"
Only me and two other dudes were at center stage. It looked like all the other guys were afraid of her. But I felt sorry for her and threw a dollar onstage when she came over to me. She actually got made and said, "No, I'm not rubbing my **** on you for just a dollar."
"You're service is worth just a dollar," I said. "You're dancing is terrible. And you're stare is so vicious. Why are you mad?"
"I'm not mad. I just deserve more than this." And then she started giving me the third degree about how I was so horrible and junk. I couldn't believe she was chewing me out onstage, buttnaked, and calling me names. This was the worst customer service I had ever had! And then she said, "I oughta kick you in the head."
I got mad and said, "Hey, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't even have this job. You have zero talent. Even this you can't do right. I pay your bills. I can't believe you said you ought kick me in the head. B--ch, go kick a landmine!"
She actually started to cry and yell, "You don't have to be rude!" and then she ran to a nearby bouncer and started telling him about me and pointing at me. When he started to come over me and my cousin left the club. We went to a nearby bar and drank our drinks. I was fuming so I drank a lot! In no time I was tipsy on my feet, and I spotted what looked like a Kashardian broad. I laid down the lines, she laughed, took me back to her place, and I did my thing. When I woke up the next morning I saw the most horrible creature on Earth! God this woman was hideous! She was so godawful even Frankensteins monster would have been scared at the sight of her. "Raaaar, ugly chick! BAAAAAAAAAAAD!"
I left as quickly as I could, hoping I'd never see her again. But some months ago, when I went to the movies I saw her again. I'm almost positive I saw her as one of the monsters in the movie Cloverfield! Let me tell you, in order to get a real hottie Dullas you must be making some real bread. Dullas hotties are gold-diggers. If you don't have much dough then settle for a woman who is average at best.
I'm glad I left there as quickly as I did. I've been back a few times after that, hoping Dallas will change for the better but it is always an uneventful trip in that dry city.
So, what are your vacation horror stories to American cities and towns? Can you please tell them? I need a good laugh.
Next, I'll tell you my Phoenix AZ horror story.
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Rather than focus on what's wrong with the places you've visited, why don't you focus on what's right about them? Very few cities have no redeeming qualities whatsoever! Besides, to me, your story wasn't funny. It was rather cruel, and also sad. 
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. Everyone IN Dallas knows THAT. There is not much of anything left down in the West End as a matter of fact. Much of what was there has moved across the highway over around Victory Plaza and the AAC and there is nary of a strip club there either. 
