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Just wondering how long you have been with this person
My first thought is to move on - it already sounds more complicated than it should be. There are a couple of pure joyous experiences that nature provides - food and sex....
In your shoes, I would make sure the septic tank/cesspool/sewer system is clear, because if he's eating that much meat, he's probably going to back it up sooner or later, especially if he doesn't eat any fiber in the form of vegetables. I would also hope his health insurance will cover his future triple bypass and colon cancer. Really. Eating that much meat is good for absolutely no one, which I'm sure many vegetarians and vegans here on this vegetarian and vegan subforum designed for vegetarians and vegans to talk about vegetarianism and veganism and issues pertaining to vegetarianism and veganism will agree.
My SO knows I will not cook meat. If he wants to have it, he'll have to make it himself or have it when he's out. Since I stopped eating meat, he has cut way back. He feels better and has lost weight, so I'd say it's win-win.
Matter of fact, I am surprised you went out with a carnivore at all. Being a vegetarian is a requirement of my vegetarian/vegan friends before they even go out with someone.
In my decades of vegetarianism, including deep involvement in a variety of different "communities of belief" I became very deeply aware of the many ways that vegetarianism, and especially veganism can become quite socially isolating, if you let it.
The ones who don't let it be isolating are the ones who are most accepting of the fact that others have different beliefs and different diets. The ones most affected are the folks who are most rigid an unaccepting of any other belief but their own. If you can't believe that a person can eat meat and still be a good person, then no, you should not be with them.
But at the same time I found it incredibly ironic, especially when I was totally immersed in the raw vegan food scene, that so many people complained about not being able to find a relationship with someone of a similar mind.
But if you think logically about it, how likely are you to find someone who believes exactly the same way you do? The latest Gallup poll showed that .8% of the population identify themselves as vegans. So assuming that you have some gender preferences in a mate, as most of us do, if you won't date non-vegans that means that without even considering a single other factor, like age or political alignment, you have already eliminated 99.6% of all possible candidates for your affection.
Then as soon as you overlay everything with the usual relationship compatibility matrix... age, background, social status, financial stability... the dating pool rapidly gets smaller, and smaller, and smaller.
And then, if things were not already complicated enough, people change their minds about things!
In the best relationships I know, the people involved do NOT agree on everything, and in fact may differ dramatically on some things, even significant things. But what they do share is an affection for each other as human beings, a willingness to let a lot of things slide, and an eagerness to communicate with each other about what really matters to the two of them.
In my decades of vegetarianism, including deep involvement in a variety of different "communities of belief" I became very deeply aware of the many ways that vegetarianism, and especially veganism can become quite socially isolating, if you let it.
The ones who don't let it be isolating are the ones who are most accepting of the fact that others have different beliefs and different diets. The ones most affected are the folks who are most rigid an unaccepting of any other belief but their own. If you can't believe that a person can eat meat and still be a good person, then no, you should not be with them.
But at the same time I found it incredibly ironic, especially when I was totally immersed in the raw vegan food scene, that so many people complained about not being able to find a relationship with someone of a similar mind.
But if you think logically about it, how likely are you to find someone who believes exactly the same way you do? The latest Gallup poll showed that .8% of the population identify themselves as vegans. So assuming that you have some gender preferences in a mate, as most of us do, if you won't date non-vegans that means that without even considering a single other factor, like age or political alignment, you have already eliminated 99.6% of all possible candidates for your affection.
Then as soon as you overlay everything with the usual relationship compatibility matrix... age, background, social status, financial stability... the dating pool rapidly gets smaller, and smaller, and smaller.
And then, if things were not already complicated enough, people change their minds about things!
In the best relationships I know, the people involved do NOT agree on everything, and in fact may differ dramatically on some things, even significant things. But what they do share is an affection for each other as human beings, a willingness to let a lot of things slide, and an eagerness to communicate with each other about what really matters to the two of them.
The recent article about Chipotle's tofu option stated that in a 2012 Gallup poll 2% of Americans said they were vegan. 2% is still a small amount of the US population, however, vegans tend to meet other vegans in places such as Whole Foods, vegan restaurants, etc. Vegans have vegan friends who introduce their single friends to other single vegan friends. So the odds of vegan meeting vegan aren't as dismal as you think.
Here in the area where I live we have vegan restaurants, vegan food trucks, vegan fests, etc. Plenty of places to meet.
True enough that in relationships people do not agree on everything but certainly on the most important matters. Most non-smokers would not happily reside with a heavy smoker. A healthy and active person wouldn't enjoy being married to an obese couch potato. A person who desires children wouldn't be a good fit for someone who is adamant about a child-free lifestyle. And many, if not most, vegans wouldn't desire a relationship with someone who eats meat.
OpenD, looks like you gave this a bit of thought - nice post!
Thanks... after years and years of dealing with these issues myself, and watching others deal with them, plus having a natural curiosity about human nature, I think I've seen most of the common variations. One of the most typical issues, similar to the OP's, is a couple that already has a committed relationship, and then one of the partners changes their personal involvement with vega'nism... whether they start, or they stop, both kinds od transition can cause relationship issues.
Another common issue is when somebody decides on vegan'ism as a litmus test for a partner, and loses sight of other significant factors, winding up in a relationship with someone who is obviously inappropriate for them, solely because they are a veg'an. Personally I think being well-balanced is the ultimate quality. And when tensions come up, as the OP expressed, being able to openly discuss the situation and arrive at a mutually satisfactory agreement is paramount.
I am a quasi vegetarian, meaning I will eat meat, but not often, and not much. Maybe one or two times a month. When Iwas ddating my SO, this did not cause any issues, we ate out, he ordered his steak, I had a salad. When we ate at home, no issues, but now we live together, full time, he wants meat, for every single meal, every day!
How do you manage relationships?
Well, it looks as though his restaurant choices - steak - have carried over into your home.
If you never discussed it, I am not terribly surprised.
Being a "semi-vegetarian" is, to me; closer to veg*ninsm that is a three meal a day meat eater.
In today's world, that's over kill...no pun intended. Hard core.
I'd try talking to him about your feelings. Tell him what you told us.
If you had talked about it before you moved in together, it would have been much easier.
In my decades of vegetarianism, including deep involvement in a variety of different "communities of belief" I became very deeply aware of the many ways that vegetarianism, and especially veganism can become quite socially isolating, if you let it.
The ones who don't let it be isolating are the ones who are most accepting of the fact that others have different beliefs and different diets. The ones most affected are the folks who are most rigid an unaccepting of any other belief but their own. If you can't believe that a person can eat meat and still be a good person, then no, you should not be with them.
But at the same time I found it incredibly ironic, especially when I was totally immersed in the raw vegan food scene, that so many people complained about not being able to find a relationship with someone of a similar mind.
But if you think logically about it, how likely are you to find someone who believes exactly the same way you do? The latest Gallup poll showed that .8% of the population identify themselves as vegans. So assuming that you have some gender preferences in a mate, as most of us do, if you won't date non-vegans that means that without even considering a single other factor, like age or political alignment, you have already eliminated 99.6% of all possible candidates for your affection.
Then as soon as you overlay everything with the usual relationship compatibility matrix... age, background, social status, financial stability... the dating pool rapidly gets smaller, and smaller, and smaller.
And then, if things were not already complicated enough, people change their minds about things!
In the best relationships I know, the people involved do NOT agree on everything, and in fact may differ dramatically on some things, even significant things. But what they do share is an affection for each other as human beings, a willingness to let a lot of things slide, and an eagerness to communicate with each other about what really matters to the two of them.
I wholeheartedly agree.
It's funny, these same friends have no problem when we all go out, if I order steak, but when it comes to a boyfriend they do what Lilac & some others just did, they go all "ewww gross imagine what it's doing to his body" and all that jazz.
I don't get all the judgment. I'm sorry, but it's not up to others to decide what is healthy for someone else, and that's what turns many people off of vegetarians. It also makes me wonder what my friends say about me behind my back. It just seems so petty. Either you like the person for themselves or you don't. *shrugs*
I don't get all the judgment. I'm sorry, but it's not up to others to decide what is healthy for someone else, and that's what turns many people off of vegetarians.
Trust me when I say vegetarians and vegans definitely don't have a monopoly on being judgy about what other people eat.
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Just wondering how long you have been with this person 
Great post!
