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I think its more likely my son will learn how to be self employed, whatever field he ultimately chooses. It is the norm in our family, although I've worked in a variety of settings prior to becoming a parent.
I don't see anything inherently wrong or limiting with waiting tables or being a handy man, regardless of your educational level. Both are useful skills that can be used to pay the bills or to support a dream. Or they could be hard, horrible ways to slog through life, if you're not able to get enough work and view them as your only options.
I've waited tables before and didn't mind. Sure, some people were rude, rude, rude but most were nice enough and I left my shift most nights with a pile of cash. I'd do it again if I needed the money. Much more fun than the Operations Manager gig I held for a tour operator that wanted my soul and 24 hour access to my life in return for a living wage and "respectable" position. I wouldn't mind being more handy either. I know a few people who can fix anything, and I see value in those skills.
Long winded way of saying I don't see my son's future as being limited to "office worker bee" OR laborer. He's not going to grow up with either mindset being preached as The Only Path, regardless of where we live.
Unless you are in Dorchester or similar you are shorting your kid by taking him from the opportunities and experiences available in a Metro area to a very rural and poor area. School is important but peer groups are as, and perhaps more important. It is your choice of course and you are free to make it, but you are shorting your kid. After he grows up if he moves out of VT he then has to compete with all the kids that didn't grow up at a 'slower pace' of life. Being taught by teachers vested in the 'slower pace' of life and surrounded by role models who live a 'slower pace' of life. It is your choice, but your kids future.
The slower pace is the much better pace. City people don't know how to enjoy life along the way. Everything is a big rush and they don't even know why they're in a hurry.
Unless you are in Dorchester or similar you are shorting your kid by taking him from the opportunities and experiences available in a Metro area to a very rural and poor area. School is important but peer groups are as, and perhaps more important. It is your choice of course and you are free to make it, but you are shorting your kid. After he grows up if he moves out of VT he then has to compete with all the kids that didn't grow up at a 'slower pace' of life. Being taught by teachers vested in the 'slower pace' of life and surrounded by role models who live a 'slower pace' of life. It is your choice, but your kids future.
I grew up in the poorer outskirt of Houston and had such the desire to get away that I owned 2 prominent retail businesses and had the $1300 a month house payment by the age of 19. Made my money and after realizing that all those "peer groups" were phony and lacking groundedness,values and appreciation for something other than the dollar....I hightailed it back to a simpler way of life.
I think that people who try to maintain the "peer pressure of city ways of life" are even more shorted. Unless the city is your hearts dream/passion....what's wrong with learning to appreciate what is slower in life? Maybe what you refer to as adopting a "slower lifestyle" could save people thousands in self help books and therapy sessions. Ever notice the hustle bustle people that seem to "have it all" are those that are always seeking what is missing in their lives"? Nope, I think depriving a child the ability to appreciate "less" screws them up far worse. What happens when they can't always get more stimulation??? Also, there are role models here that say go out slay your dragons, party, make your fortune and live.........funny though a lot of people do that but then return to what can be deemed a simpler way of life.
Tend to think it's more about being able to find a balance that works for you and teaching your child to experience it all and let them find their own balance. I personally am happy to live in a place where no matter how hard I work I think "every day is Saturday". (Yep, that "quicker" place made me forget how to play)
Last edited by swanstone1; 06-22-2010 at 12:31 PM..
Swanstone, I think we've had a similar path. As mentioned above, I grew up on a small dairy farm in rural VT. My parents were poor, and rarely left the immediate area. It was great when I was small, but yes, I chafed a bit as I got older. (By then my dad had died, and my mom had moved us to a small town.) I think I've held my own as an adult. In some ways, I think I was better equipped for "real life" in my 20s than many of my peers who had more typically advantaged childhoods were.
I'm really curious why some seem to think of this in terms of either my son is trapped in a poor, rural area OR he's in a fast-paced urban environment where he'll automatically be conveyed special advantages that guarantee some measure of success as an adult?
I also mentioned travel. My son at 5 has already seen most of the US. I've lived in other countries, and we have friends and family from all kinds of backgrounds. Montreal is fairly accessible from the NEK, oui? ;-) I think the influence of peer groups is worth considering, but I think it should also be clear that I'm not planning to move to the woods and isolate my son from the rest of the world. His father and other family members will be in MA, so the trek back will be fairly regular. I'll probably make regular buying trips to secure inventory as well. Ideally, he'll be exposed to the best and the worst of both worlds. ;-)
I'm also not terribly impressed with the school systems here. (We're in Somerville now and lived in Cambridge previously. My son has attended both private and public schools.) Within the public system here, there is a lot of fretting and worrying amongst the mostly white,upper middle class parents about securing their children a spot in one or two schools, which have been somehow thought superior than the others, although that's debatable. Frankly, I'm tired of these parents and their soft, often whiny, constantly worried over children. My son holds his own with his peers intellectually. He's ahead of the curve in most of the things they track, actually. I don't think his curiosity or his intelligence will evaporate if he moves to VT. He'll be able to teach some of his new classmates how to curse in other languages. ;-)
We have a house full of books, my son is computer savvy, and has parents who are interested in and expose him to all sorts of things. I personally believe he'll benefit a great deal from a move, especially if we're able to grow and possibly raise, some of our own food. My son is very interested in animals and gardening. The kid went on a field trip to a farm when he was 3, and has asked for his own chickens on an almost daily basis ever since.
Also remember, I'm not in a position to buy right away. We may rent a year and reevaluate--who knows? And certainly my son might prefer the city at some point. I loved being a young adult in Boston, and in the other urban areas I've called home. There are a lot of positive things about living in Somerville-Cambridge (I will miss the library system here terribly! It is truly fantastic!)but frankly, I find it less than ideal for raising my son. He's the kind of kid who needs to be outside, and needs a lot of physical activity. He needs to live someplace where he has a yard and maybe more space to explore. He also really needs to learn how to entertain himself. That kind of quiet reflection is a struggle here. You have to actively seek it out, and almost everyone around us is constantly in motion, which kind of defeats the point.
Thanks again to all who have replied. I do value the different opinions.
There's no point in trying to sugar coat the rural life. There lots of negatives just like living in the slums has lots of negatives. Very similar problems in fact. That being said, the outdoor life is great for the young, particularly young boys.
No doubt there are lots of other good things too depending on your preferences and perspectives. That being said, one observation that I've made over the years is that most of the people I know who left the state after high school went on to be good, decent, even successful people. Some of them returned years later and remain on the righteous path. On the other hand, I can only think of one or two people who stayed and aren't now complete losers. Its almost embarrassing to admit how many local drunks and stoners I can name.
I'm not sure what happened to the left-behinds in the first few years after high school because I'm one of those who left. I can say whatever happened had a very different effect than the experiences of those who left.
Oh for Pete's sake just move to the NEK, you can become one of those "Sustainable" farmers and/or raise livestock using 100% organic fertilizer/feed and sell your product to high tone restaurants as far south as Philly. Get your own truck and eliminate the trasnportation "middle man"
An "Internet" business (Ebay, etc.) could be a semi-full time or simply supplemental side income. Any cottage industry skills? Quilting? Crafts? Welding (metal sculpture)? Take up creative writing and get an online publishing program. Try to get some poetry published. Who knows where the next Robert or Roberta Frost will come from.
Stay the course and raise any kids you have with copious amounts of education (home taught if need be) spirit, creativity, responsibility, independence, sense of civic duty, etc. You do not need to "outsource" these lessons to a school district, so no matter if the district be ill though of.
Do this and you just might find yourself (and family) leaders in the community. The local government may just give you a job (try to get one with pay over a "volunteer" assignment, unless such assignment may lead to job with pay).
This all of course takes alot of effort. organization, and ambition, and one may be going to the NEK to "slow down"....But you tend to get out of life what you put into it, no matter the geographical setting.
I do agree that life is what we make of it--although I also think if you've grown weary of a location, then moving on and trying a different place makes sense. I also agree that I should just "do it." No one here offline understands/supports the idea of such a move, so I think I just needed to talk it out a bit, and was sucked in to some of the side chatter.
Teasing aside, I'd love to learn how to quilt. I have sold art, jewelry and other crafty things at events and online. I'm a good cook as well and not afraid of hard work, so I think in terms of growing my own little portfolio of cottage industries and/or cobbling together a few par-time jobs, I'm well-suited. My eBay and other online income is semi full-time. It would be a stretch to cover everything here, where rent alone would be $2k and up, but in a less expensive area, we'd be fine. And I wouldn't be averse to participating in any of the old or new agricultural businesses up there, but I don't see myself farming as a primary endeavor.
I'm low key. No interest whatsoever in anything but quietly going about my business. The town leader stuff made me laugh though, thanks for that! :-)
And again, thanks to all of you. I'll post an update when I find a place.
I do agree that life is what we make of it--although I also think if you've grown weary of a location, then moving on and trying a different place makes sense. I also agree that I should just "do it." No one here offline understands/supports the idea of such a move, so I think I just needed to talk it out a bit, and was sucked in to some of the side chatter.
Teasing aside, I'd love to learn how to quilt. I have sold art, jewelry and other crafty things at events and online. I'm a good cook as well and not afraid of hard work, so I think in terms of growing my own little portfolio of cottage industries and/or cobbling together a few par-time jobs, I'm well-suited. My eBay and other online income is semi full-time. It would be a stretch to cover everything here, where rent alone would be $2k and up, but in a less expensive area, we'd be fine. And I wouldn't be averse to participating in any of the old or new agricultural businesses up there, but I don't see myself farming as a primary endeavor.
I'm low key. No interest whatsoever in anything but quietly going about my business. The town leader stuff made me laugh though, thanks for that! :-)
And again, thanks to all of you. I'll post an update when I find a place.
I think people here basically try to give an honest insight to living in the state/area. Certain things are extremely expensive. However, I find that a lot were born here and thus stuck here due to family obligations or had unrealistic ideals that they might get to live in "vacationland" for less than it costs in their reality. Life and it's costs are within your personal realm. If you want to putter and live on Lake Champlain??? duh, not happening! But if you need a break from the grind and are indeed willing to forfeit certain luxuries to reevaluate your life, this is a beautiful place. If you want to teach your child that "values" are not always accompanied with a dollar sign? Bingo. Even the folks I've met that seemed to be "stuck" here due to family situations and such are all pretty awesome.
No, you probably aren't going to be rich in the bank, but some choose to be rich in other ways. Maybe subscribing to the rat race prevents more people from the luxury of spending more down time with their kiddo and I do not fault anyone that. It's just hard to get away from. If you are able and you are willing to do whatever it takes to make your life work wherever you choose? This is an abundant state. And I am pleased to be able to still look at VT with "new eyes". So, maybe theres one plus for being a flatlander.
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