[Donderklompen]

I know this is a common topic on this board (because I've read all of the threads several times over.) I've done a ton of research, asked lots of random people (including some very helpful border guards) and now I feel bold enough to ask you good people.

Convoluted story short: I was born in NYC, grew up in Bergen County, NJ. Took a temporary job transfer that somehow planted me in Montreal for 8 years. Montreal was fun for a bit but Quebec is not for me. However, I did manage to meet my husband there (same-sex, male couple.)

Here's the dilemma: he wants to keep his job in Quebec but I can't possibly bear continuing to live in Quebec. The closest place he could commute to is Sherbrooke, Quebec (45 minutes from border)...which means the NEK. We're both city boys (Montreal/NYC) but not so much that the idea of living in the countryside isn't appealing: a handful of good restaurants, a good cafe, some nice people and basic entertainment options would go a long way combined with the great stuff that Vermont has in abundance: skiing, locally-sourced food, natural beauty.

He'd be commuting to Sherbrooke 2-3 times a week for 8 months of the year. I'd have an occasional required trip to Boston, but would look to re-orient my life and career to wherever we wound up.

So! He wanted his one-way commute to be an hour or less. I looked initially at Derby/Newport. Parts of it are certainly beautiful and Newport seems to have the basics down and then some but I do wish there were more "cultural" things to do: a good movie theater, even. Lately, Lyndonville has caught my eye. It's a bit farther from Quebec but there seems to be more going on: interesting restaurants, cafes, close to Burke Skiing and right down the road is St. Jay and Catamount Arts, Fairbanks Museum, etc.

Anyone who's made it this far, thanks! Here are my advanced newbie questions:

1) We're looking for a place to call home, have kids and feel comfortable, raise a family. We're certainly not looking to make issues where there are none. However, I've been a little concerned at some random things that have popped up (e.g., the Wildflower Inn's gay-discrimination case, the presence of treatment center that believes that prayer is a good substitute for competent psychiatric treatment**, a couple of very conservative churches around. No judgments on my part but if we move to Lyndonville, are we going to stick out like a sore thumb?

2) Lyndonville is already a bit farther away from Sherbrooke than we wanted, but the trade-offs seem worth it. Anyone know of any other towns at around the same distance that might work better?

3) Anything I'm missing or should keep in mind as I try to hash out everything?

Thanks!

**I realize this sounds like a judgment and therefore didn't want to name the place in question, but it jumped out at me because I had been studying the Cheshire Home Invasion Murders and remembered that one of the assailants had been sent there as a teenager by his parents after he admitted to them that he was having disturbing thoughts and felt he needed medical help (which he never got.)

[delmioquartiere]

Go the extra 30 minutes and just call Burlington home and be done with it. It fits your criteria perfectly.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by Donderklompen

1) We're looking for a place to call home, have kids and feel comfortable, raise a family. We're certainly not looking to make issues where there are none. However, I've been a little concerned at some random things that have popped up (e.g., the Wildflower Inn's gay-discrimination case, the presence of treatment center that believes that prayer is a good substitute for competent psychiatric treatment**, a couple of very conservative churches around. No judgments on my part but if we move to Lyndonville, are we going to stick out like a sore thumb?

This will be a significant problem for you in the areas you mention. Vermonters are cold towards outsiders to begin with. Outsiders who are even more different will be give an even colder shoulder. Most won't be outright mean to you, but the best you can hope for is isolating tolerance. Are you prepared to live your life alone in the country without much of a social life? Just the two of you hanging out together? Is Montreal really that bad?

For the record, my perspective is as a Pittsburgher who spends every winter in Vermont. I'm not a Vermonter trying to keep you away. I live in a city that is very gay friendly. I think it's going to be very isolating and lonely if you.

I agree that Burlington would be a best, but that's a 2-1/2 hour commute each way! delmioquartiere apparently didn't realize what part of the border was only 45 minutes away for you.

[arctichomesteader]

That's not a very liberal area. Just the truth of it. The NEK is not the same Vermont you see in Chittenden or Windham Counties. I don't think you'd be too happy there. The Wildflower Inn incident is a case that didn't make any friends for homosexuals in that area. You won't find many people who are openly hostile there, just not supportive of homosexuality, but anyone trying to force their beliefs on anyone, be it against a conservative inn owner or whatever, doesn't make many friends.

Also, it sounds to me like you're certainly of the urban sort, if you like what you find in cities you're going to get bored quickly.

[Logs and Dogs]

Originally Posted by arctichomesteader

That's not a very liberal area. Just the truth of it. The NEK is not the same Vermont you see in Chittenden or Windham Counties. I don't think you'd be too happy there. The Wildflower Inn incident is a case that didn't make any friends for homosexuals in that area. You won't find many people who are openly hostile there, just not supportive of homosexuality, but anyone trying to force their beliefs on anyone, be it against a conservative inn owner or whatever, doesn't make many friends.

Also, it sounds to me like you're certainly of the urban sort, if you like what you find in cities you're going to get bored quickly.

That is a pretty honest assessment of the area from my perspective as well.

Same sex piece aside; anyone who would refer to themselves as enjoying the city life would absolutely not want to be in the NEK; it is the last remaining area even remotely close to the the 180 degree opposite of a "city" and most people are pretty focused on keeping it that way. Which is a good thing for many of us.

If you need to do "VT", you would probably be happy in the Burlington area.

[jackmccullough]

It sounds as though your husband may have some choices of where he works. If so, working in Montreal and living in Burlington or St. Albans (at least it's in shouting distance of Burlington) might be a better option to consider.

The Kingdom is the most conservative part of the state, so you'll probably want to consider that. I have to go to court in Newport periodically and I think it's a nice little town, but even for a place that is doing some things right (and there are some huge revitalization plans right now) I suspect you're always going to find it pretty small and limiting.

[Vermonr]

I'm a pretty normal 25 year old girl. I've been up to various towns in the NEK, alone, a large handful of times. Every single time I've been glared at by multiple people with the most venomous looks you could imagine.

Even though I'm a born and raised Vermonter, people in NEK just know when you are not "one of them" and they will treat you accordingly.

It's not just your sexuality that will be out of place in the NEK- it's the whole package. There are a lot of good things to say about the people who live in NEK, but nobody moves up to the middle of nowhere to become more tolerant. You will always be outsiders to the majority of the people there, and they will always view you with fear and scorn over how the world is changing.

The Vermont that you mention is more in line with Chittenden County- and the image that VT puts forth for tourists and visitors. The NEK is harsh and unforgiving, especially for someone with no experience with "real Vermonters." I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I think that the Burlington area or even the Waterbury/Montpelier area would be a much better fit for you and your husband.

[in_newengland]

My mother's family is from that area and I still have relatives up there. I wouldn't even know what to make of it because it's very old fashioned and religious. Seriously religious and cold to outsiders, church socials where everybody has known each other for generations I go up there and my ancestors FOUNDED those towns but who cares? I'm nothing to them. Not a pleasant place to live for you, I don't think.

[delmioquartiere]

Originally Posted by Hopes

I agree that Burlington would be a best, but that's a 2-1/2 hour commute each way! delmioquartiere apparently didn't realize what part of the border was only 45 minutes away for you.

If he can still work in Montreal then It's an hour and a half drive from Burlington to Montreal.

[68vette]

Originally Posted by delmioquartiere

If he can still work in Montreal then It's an hour and a half drive from Burlington to Montreal.

That is with zero delay at the border. I think Burlington sounds like the best fit, but if you want to be in Vermont, St Albans is a much better option as far as commute time.