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I am originally from New Jersey currently living in North Carolina I came to this state looking for that so called "southern hospatality" which i never got!! I have a slight accent and once the southern woman heard it they all ran from me!! I was VERY dissapointed because i have many African American friends and most of them said that the south i the BEST place to live and that they are the friendliest people. So i move because i wanted to start fresh in a new home but not in NJ because the homes are getting expensive. well the Southern WHITE woman were nasty! Were's that "Southern Hospatality"?? i like the place but there are to many snotty Southern women here. Now i am not saying that all the woman are nasty its mainly the WHITE southerners. The African American woman were very welcoming and i even made many friend. I used to think it was me and now i know its not me its them!! I am considering moving to VA hoping to find more friendlier people but i want to know how southeners act to people from the north. whats wrong with people from the north? Why are they so mean to us??
While many others will disagree, I have always felt that Southern hospitality was a myth that people, particularly from other parts of the country, are so eager to buy into. I had a professor once from Mississippi who speculated that this image has it's roots as far back as the Civil War where Southerners created this image of themselves as more refined, polished and mannered than the brutish and aggressive Northerners to serve as a sort of morale and ego-boost, and even if not fact, by repeating it so often over the years, it's become thought of as the truth to this day. It's an interesting theory. I think a lot of people from other parts of the country are fooled and taken under a spell by the melodic Southern accent. An example:
A) A couple from New York go to a diner in New Jersey. The waitress is a friendly, somewhat perky, Greek-American girl, who smiles dutifully, brings them their food on time, refills their drinks and just has in general, a very pleasant demeanor. The New York couple doesn't notice.
B) A couple from New York go to a diner in South Carolina. The waitress is a friendly, somewhat perky, middle-aged blonde woman, who smiles dutifully, brings them their food on time, refills their drinks, and just has in general, a very pleasant demeanor, and speaks with a thick slow Southern accent, using "ya'll" as a greeting. The New York couple is swept off their feet and talk about how much friendlier people are in the South and start dreaming about purchasing a cheap country home in the area.
In the second situation, the couple comes under the spell of the Southern accent. It's like they want to believe in this Southern hospitality so they consciously seek out the stereotype.
I also have to say in regards to your post, NotAccepted1, that generally black people in the South are MUCH friendlier than white people. As un-PC as it may be to take notice of it, there is a definite stark difference in behavior that I have taken notice of myself. And for the record, I am white.
That depends too. I am not really accepted by some of my black neighbors... One neighbor right next to me, has never said hello to me once since we moved in. I water her flowers when I water mine, have said hello in the past, and her husband is friendly but not too friendly with us. They are seldom home. When I do see her on her porch, she is usually on the phone and has given me some rude looks or maybe she was just in a bad mood at the time too? Who knows, who really cares too.
All I know is that I am nice to everyone, reguardless of color or religion or what have you, if I say hello to you, and you ignore me, don't expect another hello from me. Unless of course I know you did not hear me or something like that, next time it will be up to you, to say hi to me.
In some ways, maybe its better that your neighbors are not real chatty, maybe it keeps the peace where you live. I know I see terrible feuds in my lifetime of people who lived right next to each other and they were at each others throats, so maybe its for the best. I am just a friendly person, I like to say hello, ask how you are and be a good neighbor, but I have learned that is not always a good thing to do anymore.
But I do have to agree on a whole that black people are friendlier than the whites down here. That is sooo true, well with the exception of my next door neighbor! I am white too! Esp the upper class white people, they are very very mean and will never speak to you, unless you have money like they do...I lived in gated communities, so I been there, would never go back! I actually enjoy having money left over after my mortage payment now! We actually live "below" our means, a rather new concept here perhaps!
I want to say something that I hope will not hurt your feelings, because I am really not trying to do that okay?
In this life what you get out of it is pretty much what you put into it. If you put out negative vibes, you will attract negative vibes. If you put out positive energy you will attract positive energy. Yes, there will always be the one person out there who will be ugly or negative no matter what you do, but that should be the exception, not the rule.
Perhaps you should take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and try to picture what the world sees when they look at you. It is very possible you are putting out some kind of negativity which is attracting these types of people into your life. I would even suggest you contact someone who knows you really well, a sister, cousin, mother and ask them to be brutally honest with you about what they see that you might be doing wrong in the way you deal with people. And please remember, what you expect to get in life is usually what you do get. Good luck.
In this life what you get out of it is pretty much what you put into it. If you put out negative vibes, you will attract negative vibes.
I do agree with that statement and I often believe that to be true but to a point here, let me explain. I can go into the nearest country club, wear my sunday best, strike up a conversation with someone and 9 times out of ten it will be asked, as to what I do , where I live and etc, and if I do not answer to their liking, I will be totally ignored, it is just how things are in life.
People do judge you on what you drive, where you live, and do for a living. When I tell people, and often I do not, what my hubby does for a living, I get very positive responses but as soon as I meniton where I live, I get that look of omg! I kid you not...we live way below our means, for many reasons and one is that I do not like snobs, sure I could compete with the best of them, try to win them over, but why do that? Why try to impress superficious jerks?
And if you go around expecting people to hate you and not approve, you will be your own worst enemy too, I know, been there, done that and old age has taught me that I am no better or worse than anyone else in this world and that we all come in and leave this earth the same way.
I beg to say that its the exception here, no I do think it happens way more than that, but its not all the time, I do agree, there are nice people in all classes, but most who are meek, kind hearted and accepting are not from money, as we all know money corrupts a person, we all know that and its nothing new under the sun too.
A good tude is good and so is positive thinking, but it only take you "so far" too, if you really look at it in a realisitc way here. I would also ask yourself to be honest with yourself as well here, and ask yourself, do you judge people, cause if you answer honestly, you will say yes I do, cause in reality we all do that, every day.
This is funny. Really. Recently I was "visiting" w/ someone on a local forum here that had moved to the area about 3 years ago. No mention of race had been brought up whatsoever then out of the blue she said that she had not meet one single black female in this city/town (small suburb of a LARGE city). OMG!!! Was I. Then you have NOT left your house ever was what I wanted to say as I had many friends that are. She happened to be black and I am white. She kept on complaining that the only women that had even talked to her at the gym were white women that were married to black men. Well, white women that marry black men do tend to be very outgoing . We have many friends that are in such marriages and they are all awesome, outgoing, friendly, etc and do not judge anyone by the color of their skin. My joke is don't be alarmed if you see my lil white girls talking to black men as they see nothing different at all. (And bless her lil heart, my youngest was all upset last year after school one day when one of her friends told another girl they could not play w/ her because she was a different color. It totally upset my child and she was crying because she has many friends that have all different colors of skin). Anyway, I just thought this whole thing was rather odd as this community she resided in is fairly well mixed and one should not have any problem finding friends of any race or skin color (or religion or whatever else some morons can seperate people by).
As a "Southern Girl" that was raised around the words that we don't speak anymore I can say that I don't judge anyone by the color of their skin, race, religion, etc. It is all in their demeanor. Heck, we have one new neighbor that none of us have meet and we ask if anyone has met them yet. The only person that has got the door slammed in their face when she went over w/ a cake to welcome them to the neighborhood. If your driving past and the man is out in the yard he will look away and not make eye contact. I just knew we should have made all kinds of racket the day they looked at the house so that our old neighbors could still be here. So I don't really care what color you are, attitude goes a long way.
Some people are happy to be around others just like them (like they don't have their own differences amoungst themselves, yeah right). We are ALL different. Otherwise this would be one boring place to live.
I am originally from New Jersey currently living in North Carolina I came to this state looking for that so called "southern hospatality" which i never got!! I have a slight accent and once the southern woman heard it they all ran from me!! I was VERY dissapointed because i have many African American friends and most of them said that the south i the BEST place to live and that they are the friendliest people. So i move because i wanted to start fresh in a new home but not in NJ because the homes are getting expensive. well the Southern WHITE woman were nasty! Were's that "Southern Hospatality"?? i like the place but there are to many snotty Southern women here. Now i am not saying that all the woman are nasty its mainly the WHITE southerners. The African American woman were very welcoming and i even made many friend. I used to think it was me and now i know its not me its them!! I am considering moving to VA hoping to find more friendlier people but i want to know how southeners act to people from the north. whats wrong with people from the north? Why are they so mean to us??
New Jersey GIRL/ Not Accepted1
I'm originally from Mississippi, and I moved to Nebraska during High School and I was treated completely like dirt.
Constant jokes about my accent, constant rudeness, never taken seriously.
It works on both sides of the coin. There are rude people everywhere, it's just a fact of life.
There are some people like that from the North and other places that are still stereotype people like that, I am sorry to hear this. I never liked people who made fun of people like that and because I never tolerated meanness from anyone, I was pretty much alone growing up. I always stood for the underdog or the person who got picked on and that makes one very unpopular, but I never really cared to be part of a pack, cause I never wanted to judge people as a group, but on an individual basis.
My dream is to live in Alexandria, Va one day. I love the accepting atmosphere up there, the culture, just bout everything bout that area appeals to me. I am hoping to one day make enough money on my home down here to move up that way, where I would feel more at "Home."
Sorry to here of this, I know it goes on both sides of the coin...that happens in all races, religions, and cultures, its how most of us are, but not all of us thankfully!
What was it bout the white women with black husbands that your friend did not like? Does she not like them? I know alot of white women who had married black men and many are not outgoing, some are very introverted too. And some are outgoing too.
That also applies to the same coin theory here. My child was osterized once cause she is white. Sometimes the personality just did not match up either. She is alot like me too, thankfully, she does not need to get approval from the herd, she does what she wants and she loves to read and learn bout new things. She judged people only on their behavior and demeanor, and sadly most do not measure up, but a few do and we are thankful for that!
That is just how it is in life, if your selective and look for character and honestly and kindness, your be looking for awhile, but you can find other like minded people in time, if you keep looking. Best of luck to you, gotta run!
I personally believe that people will be cordial to each other upon first meeting just to see if they "click". You can get to know all of your neigbhors names and their family and all but what I have noticed happen (and I am guilty of it) is you are naturally drawn to people that have the same ways of life (values). They could be all different colors of skin and different faiths when it comes to religion or not but face it, you want your kids to hang around w/ kids that have parents that believe somewhat along the same lines that you do when it comes to things like education, discipline, respect, responsibility, etc. I don't go around hollering and screaming at my kids and I don't let them run wild. I expect them to act a certain way and be respectful of others, take responsibility for their actions and get a good education. If the neigbhor is the total opposite it does not matter what color their skin is, we probably won't get along farther than simple greetings. At our last house we had one neighbor that even after 4 years would still call over on Sunday mornings between 10-12 to our house then our cell phones to see if the kids could play. HELLO!!! We are at church during that time and if we are home one of us is probably sick. This family also allowed their young children to run all over the neighborhood w/o any adult supervision and half the time they never knew where the kids were. It was just a natural thing that my kids did not play w/ them much. And then the differences we had about many things as adults never made us good friends.
Accents. I have one. I love my accent. I am an honest, open and outgoing person and will talk to everyone. Recently on vacation on the West coast I don't know how many times I got comments about my accent, "oh, you have an accent". I sure do! You do too, it's just different than mine. lol. I would be in little shops and the minute I spoke you could feel a coolness from them. They had no idea if I was a resident or tourist but they would give me a "cool shoulder" after they heard my accent (and I am not from the Deep South). Some places were rather... trying to be nice but honestly it felt bad. I could tell they would pay more attention to the other customers w/o Southern accents. I never once got a "have a nice day", "come back", "I hope you enjoy____" or so much as a "thank you". Now this was from people my own age. The people that were young 20's or teens were outgoing and would carry on a conversation. My husband gets mad because I could talk to strangers for hours if I had the time . So it does go both ways. There is plenty of discrimination against those w/ Southern accents or from Southern states outside of the South.
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. We have many friends that are in such marriages and they are all awesome, outgoing, friendly, etc and do not judge anyone by the color of their skin. My joke is don't be alarmed if you see my lil white girls talking to black men as they see nothing different at all. (And bless her lil heart, my youngest was all upset last year after school one day when one of her friends told another girl they could not play w/ her because she was a different color. It totally upset my child and she was crying because she has many friends that have all different colors of skin). Anyway, I just thought this whole thing was rather odd as this community she resided in is fairly well mixed and one should not have any problem finding friends of any race or skin color (or religion or whatever else some morons can seperate people by). 
So I don't really care what color you are, attitude goes a long way. 
That is true...
I have one. I love my accent. I am an honest, open and outgoing person and will talk to everyone. Recently on vacation on the West coast I don't know how many times I got comments about my accent, "oh, you have an accent". I sure do! You do too, it's just different than mine. lol. I would be in little shops and the minute I spoke you could feel a coolness from them. They had no idea if I was a resident or tourist but they would give me a "cool shoulder" after they heard my accent (and I am not from the Deep South). Some places were rather... trying to be nice but honestly it felt bad. I could tell they would pay more attention to the other customers w/o Southern accents. I never once got a "have a nice day", "come back", "I hope you enjoy____" or so much as a "thank you". Now this was from people my own age. The people that were young 20's or teens were outgoing and would carry on a conversation. My husband gets mad because I could talk to strangers for hours if I had the time 
