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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dullnboring
I too want to just give you a hug.
Honestly, I would recommend leaving the DC area. I think this one statement says it all:
When an aspect of your life reaches beyond temporary dissatisfaction and turns into outright misery, it's time to make a change. That change in this case will have to involve a move. There doesn't even seem to be much of an option to me. What other option is there? Many of these things you loathe about the DC area are simply just not going to change. As such, could you really fathom spending the rest of your life in this area contending with them, with the costs and the commutes and the people? I doubt it.
I think the best thing to do is not to look at like a situation where you either have to stay in DC or go back to job B in a small town in Texas. There are so many other options out there that will permit a greater compromise between your wants in a community and the type of jobs available. Perhaps start thinking of alternatives; maybe of a way of going into business for yourself that somehow is related to your current job?
I also have to say that if interested in staying in the area, for 350K, you actually can buy a very nice condo in a safe community in the majority of the DC area, including in places that are far less than a two hour commute from downtown. A friend of mine bought a beautiful two bedroom, two bathroom condo (not sure if that's the size you'd be looking for) for 290K in Reston.
i'm with dullnboring like always. i moved here from a small southern-like city called Hampton in VA. i'm really ready to leave this area. in hampton's case i was in a metro area of 1.7 mill. PG and Fairfax Co has a combined pop of 1.8 mill and thats not even adding half the other places like mont co. or DC. I'm not going back to Hampton instead i'm either going to NC or IL. Just dont put all your eggs in one basket. You can find a decent fed job anywhere with cheap housing. a lot of govt agenices in alexandria are moving to KY or IL. and according to my mother a lot of folks dont mind moving with them.
(This is going to be a mere rant, an effort to conduct some badly-needed venting. Feel free to disregard.)
I'm originally from Texas, yet I moved to the D.C. metro area six years ago to stake my career with the Federal government.
Now, I absolutely love my job. But when I first arrived in this area, I noticed that I immediately felt ill at-ease. The people seemed cold and harsh, incredibly rude and selfish, everything was expensive and crowded, and traffic was relentless.
I naively presumed that I merely had to give the area enough time, to "make the best of it", and I'd find myself comfortable enough to consider this place home.
It's been six years, seven in July...and that hasn't happened at all. In fact, I've only found myself hating this place more and more. I love, love the work I get to do for a living, but there's the unfortunate consequence that by its nature, one can only pursue it living in this god-forsaken place.
I'm sick of spending a minimum of two hours on the road everyday, primed like a feral cat to be wary of reckless, irresponsible drivers. I'm sick of having entire weekend plans torpedoed by accidents shutting down highway arteries at random intervals.
I'm sick of spending even more time trying to scratch out a parking space wherever I go that doesn't charge gouging prices and that isn't a marathon's-length away from my ultimate destination.
I'm sick of the rude, childish, horribly self-absorbed people that seem to make up the overwhelming majority of those who live here.
I'm sick of the snobbery and cliquishness and the subdued racism that seems to pervade every "decent" neighborhood, and the overwhelming crime and apathy that overwhelm the rest. It amazed me, a Southerner, just how racist some parts of this area can be.
I'm sick of having to commute long distances because I can't afford the astronomical prices of living closer to where I actually work (and go to school).
I'm sick of renting, I'm sick of rents going up every single year. Additionally, I'm sick of paying such exorbitant amounts of my income to rent what amounts to a tiny hovel when similar expenditures would've landed me a *mansion* back home.
Worst of all, I loathe the fact that after nearly a decade in my profession, that I'M NOWHERE NEAR BEING AT A POINT WHERE I MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO AFFORD A HOUSE! I've lived here long enough to know that there's no way in hell I can actually afford a *house*, much less a condo that isn't roach-infested, for myself and my family for the modest $350,000 we could afford.
So, my dilemma is the fact that although I love my job and can hardly imagine myself doing anything else...that I just *despise* living here so effing much, it causes me such endless stress and anger that it's even beginning to affect my overall health.
I don't know what to do; on the one hand, I can't see myself going back to Texas to the civilian sector making the faceless rich even richer (I admit that sounds a little anti-free enterprise of me, but it's not at all what I mean), stuck in nowhere towns where no one can point to places like Iraq on a map (nor care to). On the other hand, well, I've made it pretty clear what it is about this place I don't like.
Where the hell is it possible to live like a human being *and* have a family here when you're not making over $150,000/yr? Every time I thought I'd found an answer, I turned out to be horribly wrong.
One of the most fundamental lessons people should learn early on is this:
"WHERE YOU LIVE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS WHAT YOU DO."
Sure, the Washington, D.C. area is bustling with good jobs in both the government and private sectors. But the negatives of the area are HUGE.
The rent and cost of housing is ridulously high in the whole DC area. In fact, many people living there now are simply living to pay their rent. They're spending so much after tax income on housing that there is little left for some of the other important things in life (saving for a home, retirement, etc).
Then, there is the stress element. Washington, D.C. is a VERY stressful area to have to commute into and out of each day. Although some of the D.C. proponents here will downplay this, it just isn't particularly healthy to fight the intense and insane traffic situation there everyday just so a person can attend their place of employment. The roads are set up around D.C. in an absolutely assenine way that does nothing more than maximize problems, headaches, and stress. And the situation is only getting worse.
Lastly, consider the value of TIME. There are people working in DC who are spending an hour-and-a-half to TWO HOURS (each way) driving too and from work. Talk about insane!!! Think about the accumulated commute time (wasted time) that is lost if someone spends several years in the DC area. That's time away from family, wives and kids. That's also time away from working out at the gym, social activities, hobbies, community involvement, continuing education (college or night school), etc.
There is no way anyone here can convince me that 3-4 hours spent COMMUTING in a car each day isn't "wasted time" over the course of living in the DC area. And once that time is gone, you can never get it back. You can always get another job, or make more money. But you can't replace lost time.
Congratulations on writing this post. At least you've realized (after 6 years) that you're not really getting ahead living and working in the DC area. But at least you have realized this. Some folks never learn and simply stay in denial over the negatives of the DC area (and there are a TON).
You are already ahead of the pack. You know it's time to get out.
There is no way anyone here can convince me that 3-4 hours spent COMMUTING in a car each day isn't "wasted time" over the course of living in the DC area.
And, try as you might (and you certainly keep trying), there is no way you can convince me that most people, or even many people, in the DC area spend that much time commuting.
Just a quick reply to let you know you are not alone at all in what you feel.
I am not from the South, in fact another big Northeastern city, but I have strong criticisms of this area and think about leaving it every week. Would I move back to the other big Northeastern city, though? H**l no. Been there, done that, don't want it at this stage of my life.
I am in the government too, 9 years now, I may go for 10 (trying to find out if that would get me benefits). I have had out-of-town people tell me they wish they were in the government as it is so stable and secure and has good health benefits--plus true retirement plans are getting harder to find these days.
But getting to retirement... I don't think I will make it if I have to stay around here til retirement, for the reasons you mention and more, although you said it more strongly than I would have (although I have those moods). I am over 50 and still rent. I could have bought a condo some time ago but didn't want to put down the roots.
I hope it comforts you to know you are NOT alone, and know you've been making an important contribution in your public-sector work. Sounds like it's been good work experience, too.
What is keeping me sane right now -- trips out (weekends or vacations), small support system of friends and family, living close to work (paying through nose) to minimize commute, and developing a PLAN that includes listing my PRIORITIES. What are the most important things in life to me in the next 5 years? What do I have to do to get them? What is the timeline? Am in the middle of that. My job (which I also like) is important but it isn't everything.
Oh, and sometimes I've enjoyed joining musical groups, taking dance lessons, and other ways to try to make a few friends. That hasn't been easy for me here. Also, it helps when I can to even make a list of the positives (like I'm really learning a lot here, I don't have to worry about losing my job, there are so many free cultural events, this will look great on my resume, I tried living "away from home" and succeeded, etc.) and try to focus on them, since being in a constant state of angry depression doesn't help me or anyone else.
Just one bozo's humble opinion... :-)
I live in Savage, MD...beautiful area right by the old historic savage mill. I drive a quick easy 15 minutes on 95 South to the Greenbelt metro.
Total commute time from the time i leave my parking spot until I arrive at my desk in Dupont Circle is 1 hour 15 minutes average. This includes all the walking, waiting for train etc. Of that about 45 minutes is spent on the metro, sitting pleasantly reading or napping.
Very easy, quiet, stressless and reliable commute.
Maybe you live in the wrong area? Try southern Howard County, in the Savage /Laurel (howard county side) area and do my commute.
(This is going to be a mere rant, an effort to conduct some badly-needed venting. Feel free to disregard.)
I'm originally from Texas, yet I moved to the D.C. metro area six years ago to stake my career with the Federal government.
Now, I absolutely love my job. But when I first arrived in this area, I noticed that I immediately felt ill at-ease. The people seemed cold and harsh, incredibly rude and selfish, everything was expensive and crowded, and traffic was relentless.
I naively presumed that I merely had to give the area enough time, to "make the best of it", and I'd find myself comfortable enough to consider this place home.
It's been six years, seven in July...and that hasn't happened at all. In fact, I've only found myself hating this place more and more. I love, love the work I get to do for a living, but there's the unfortunate consequence that by its nature, one can only pursue it living in this god-forsaken place.
I'm sick of spending a minimum of two hours on the road everyday, primed like a feral cat to be wary of reckless, irresponsible drivers. I'm sick of having entire weekend plans torpedoed by accidents shutting down highway arteries at random intervals.
I'm sick of spending even more time trying to scratch out a parking space wherever I go that doesn't charge gouging prices and that isn't a marathon's-length away from my ultimate destination.
I'm sick of the rude, childish, horribly self-absorbed people that seem to make up the overwhelming majority of those who live here.
I'm sick of the snobbery and cliquishness and the subdued racism that seems to pervade every "decent" neighborhood, and the overwhelming crime and apathy that overwhelm the rest. It amazed me, a Southerner, just how racist some parts of this area can be.
I'm sick of having to commute long distances because I can't afford the astronomical prices of living closer to where I actually work (and go to school).
I'm sick of renting, I'm sick of rents going up every single year. Additionally, I'm sick of paying such exorbitant amounts of my income to rent what amounts to a tiny hovel when similar expenditures would've landed me a *mansion* back home.
Worst of all, I loathe the fact that after nearly a decade in my profession, that I'M NOWHERE NEAR BEING AT A POINT WHERE I MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO AFFORD A HOUSE! I've lived here long enough to know that there's no way in hell I can actually afford a *house*, much less a condo that isn't roach-infested, for myself and my family for the modest $350,000 we could afford.
So, my dilemma is the fact that although I love my job and can hardly imagine myself doing anything else...that I just *despise* living here so effing much, it causes me such endless stress and anger that it's even beginning to affect my overall health.
I don't know what to do; on the one hand, I can't see myself going back to Texas to the civilian sector making the faceless rich even richer (I admit that sounds a little anti-free enterprise of me, but it's not at all what I mean), stuck in nowhere towns where no one can point to places like Iraq on a map (nor care to). On the other hand, well, I've made it pretty clear what it is about this place I don't like.
Where the hell is it possible to live like a human being *and* have a family here when you're not making over $150,000/yr? Every time I thought I'd found an answer, I turned out to be horribly wrong.
If you do not want to move to a small town in Texas, then why not Austin, Dallas, San Antonio, or Houston which has so much more to offer than any of the small towns in Texas? Maybe moving to a big city in Texas will be the answer. If you work for the government, could there be something for you in Austin?
True, the government does have jobs in other cities/ areas. There have been many changes going on in the Fed workforce, including downsizing it, reclassify positions and consolidate offices, etc.; a lot of the positions are related to the military or homeland security.
For what I do, the vast majority of jobs are in the DC area, around agency headquarters, and those that I have (very occasionally) seen elsewhere are usually 2 or 3 pay grades lower. I'm pretty selective, I don't see the point of my going to Houston or NYC or Chicago, and often for less $, if I really don't want to be in a big city again. USAJOBS - The Federal Government's Official Jobs Site
I sure can't say much better than anyone else. I moved here from Atlanta over 2 years ago after being laid off and a down employment market there. I was able to get a job in Arlington but for less than I was making in Atlanta. I was shocked by the rental costs in Arlington but had no choice but to suck it up. I'm married with a small child and my wife doesn't work. Double bad economically for me. We've always lived in a surburban environment so living near the Roslyn Metro was way too crowded and expensive for us. We decided to buy a house and more shock. We were having to bid against up to 20 people on a house! The price going to well over 20k above the asking price. Totally nuts. I wasn't used to this. I'd always offered just under and always got my house. So, I lost out on about 10 houses till finally I found one that needed some work but was in a waterfront neighborhood near Severna Park in Maryland. I hate the house but like the area there. I'm a boater/fisherman so that's good for me. It took a while before the people warmed up in the neighborhood but once they did it was ok. Now with the housing slump I don't think I could give my house away. That really sucks. My commute to DC sucks too. Driving can be a 4 hour day but I generally take the MARC train and hop the metro when in town. I hate being crowed in with all the rude people but at least I'm not driving now. Once this housing market comes back I'm selling my house and either going back south somewhere or move to Maine! This place is definitely has no soul...
I can relate to the OP. I've been living here for seven years, and I do not like it. I am now looking for somewhere else to move to. I need a change of location where I can find meet people who are not afraid to open up to others and make new friends. I think the people and their attitudes is what I really dislike about the D.C. area.
We decided to buy a house and more shock. We were having to bid against up to 20 people on a house! The price going to well over 20k above the asking price. Totally nuts. I wasn't used to this. I'd always offered just under and always got my house. So, I lost out on about 10 houses till finally I found one that needed some work but was in a waterfront neighborhood near Severna Park in Maryland. I hate the house but like the area there. I'm a boater/fisherman so that's good for me. It took a while before the people warmed up in the neighborhood but once they did it was ok. Now with the housing slump I don't think I could give my house away. That really sucks. My commute to DC sucks too. Driving can be a 4 hour day but I generally take the MARC train and hop the metro when in town. I hate being crowed in with all the rude people but at least I'm not driving now. Once this housing market comes back I'm selling my house and either going back south somewhere or move to Maine!
Good luck with your job search in Maine.
But I have to wonder -- what were you thinking when, with a job in Arlington, you decided to buy a house in Severna Park? Especially if you don't like driving, and you don't like to be crowded with rude people in public transportation?
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Think about the accumulated commute time (wasted time) that is lost if someone spends several years in the DC area. That's time away from family, wives and kids. That's also time away from working out at the gym, social activities, hobbies, community involvement, continuing education (college or night school), etc.
