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I was originally going to post this on the ongoing thread about "dating in DC", but looks like that's getting a bit off topic.
Anyways, just wanted to give my opinion on this subject and see what others had to say - both men and women. I've been in DC for a few years now and tried all sorts of ways to meet women, dated a lot, had a couple of steady girlfriends (at the time) and generally, I think I gave more effort than your average single guy to meet the opposite sex and bed them/date them.
So, I just thought I'd share with you the best ways to meet singles (again, my op):
1. Meetup Groups: This use to be my "hunting ground" for honing in on women. Best part of this is that you have a sense of who is coming to which event - sometimes people bale but usually I found that my targets showed up. I think this has probably got to be the best way although you have to go through a lot of shizatz, e.g. weird, strange people, cat-loving men who talk about their damn cats non-stop during the event, c-blockers who think they have game, a lot of lonely/divorced/kid baggage/over the hill women, etc...but honestly, I learned what not to do just by observing the c-blockers and wannabe players, usually their approach was too aggressive and after 15 minutes, they had nothing of substance to converse about and often made the women uncomfortable. Bottom line, if you're a normal, moderately decent-looking guy who can carry a conversation and don't appear creepy, this is a great way to meet girls. Only downside, and this has happened to me on more than one occasion, you date a girl, it doesn't go well and then you wind up seeing them at another meetup event(s)...awkward.
But there's a meetup for everyone and this is great since you get to actually meet people with some common interest.
For pretty much all of 2010, all I did was hunt the meetup groups.
The bad part: since 2009, Meetups have been full of dudes and now they're basically a sausage-fest. This wouldn't be bad if there were tons of attractive women that went to these things, but it's always been a "diamond in the rough" playing field, and even now you have unattractive women getting hit on by 2 or 3 dudes at a time.
2. Online: This typically blows for guys since the guy to girl ratio is like 15:1 or something high like that. But, if you're moderately attractive and spend time to "shotgun" greetings out (it's a numbers game, trust me), then you might get one or two nibbles you can turn into a good thing.
For pretty much all of 2011, this is all I did and I was going on two or three dates per month with mixed degrees of success. I never actually dated anyone doing online beyond 3 or 4 dates, but made out with a good portion of them and got lucky once.
It sucks but next best.
3. Barnes & Noble: This is a complete hit or miss. I can't tell you the amount of times I sat at a common table with a bunch of strangers and tried to start a convo with a girl, only to get shot down in front of everyone. These days, I'm very careful to put my feelers out there before I step up my game at one of these tables. I usually do the table since its more relaxing...that's really the key I think, to make the other person comfortable enough to hang around and talk.
4. Speed Dating: Well, I never actually tried this but I hear that they usually need more guys than girls, although everytime I see one of these events on Meetup, it appears the opposite. I spoke to two women (not all that attractive) who went to these things and they told me that I'd do really good there since I'm "normal", moderately attractive and sociable. So, the bar seems quite low especially since I don't think I'm all that attractive (not a confidence thing, just reality), although I do think I converse pretty easily. May have to try this but judging from the two women that went, not sure if I want to be stuck talking with some of these gals - I'm sure the same goes for women who have to meet weird, unattractive guys as well.
5. Clubs and Bars: I hate clubs so I rarely go. The few times I did, I just didn't feel like making an effort to play "baller" and yell at the top of my voice so women can hear me. I don't know anybody who actually started dating a girl/guy they met at a club (I'm sure they're out there). Bars are another thing but on a Fri or Sat night, they minus well be clubs. Ever been to the bars on U St? They're all crowded, some of them playing loud music and you have to hustle your way to the bar - just too much effort, I'd rather do a meetup or go to B&N. Also, I've never managed to penetrate the circle of girls that come 5 or 6 deep to any substantial level.
6. The Gym: I've been going to a gym for the last 10 years and I still don't know if women like being hit on there. I guess if you're an Adonis then they wouldn't care being hit on if they were squatting on the toilet, but I'm talking about your average guy here. I have a feeling that women like going to the gym, doing their thing and then taking off - that they don't view it as a social event where you chit chat and hang out. Could I be wrong? I know this one girl gave me some decent vibes once but it was tough chatting with her since we were both doing our own things.
7. Grocery Store: Has anyone actually met somebody at a grocery store? Seems like something that only happens in the movies. What do I say, "hey want me to help you pick out a pair of melons and then we can get a cup of joe after that?" I've thought about it once or twice but decided against it.
I know there's a girl on the other post that said just come on over and do it - yeah, easier said than done.
8. Coffee Shops: See Grocery Store. Besides, I think douches only hang out at coffee shops - seriously, you're not that cool and we all know you're just surfin porn.
What's your take?
I think happy hour with friends is okay but I never met anyone outside my social circle doing one of these things. Sometimes a friend would invite a girl but I'd be wary of this and lay low just in case they wanted her for themselves. Basically, HH with friends is fun for me but I have the feeling that for most people, it's just a time to unwind and hang out - nothing more.
I personally don't think any of the above is very good if you want to meet a woman at least for a long-term relationship. It's too much appearingly desperate & even forced work, and women have their armor fully on at these places or events, understandably so. In other words, it's not a natural or relaxed setting where you can truly get to know a woman for who she is, without the "so, tell me about yourself in so many words or minutes", which might be very true for those speed dating events or online, which also seem to be a matching/criteria checklist game.
Although it's never happened for me, I do think the the best way may be through your trusted friends, or a hobby that you enjoy doing. Even the gym, although that offers limited space to talk between what you're really there to do, which you mentioned in other words. But IMHO don't ever try to make a relationship out of someone you meet at a bar, which you've touched upon already! I know people in this area seemingly have to so little time to socialize, but when you throw alcohol into the mix it clouds perceptions greatly, and there's a stigma attached to meeting in a bar, at least for me in any case. Maybe I'm somewhat of a purist or nostalgic and believe I'll meet my future wife in a more natural setting. I realize that's not everyone's experience though, and maybe they met and made a happy life through friends meeting up in a pub on an afternoon after work. I was really referring to being at a bar with that purpose in mind.
Anyway, to me the best way is when you least expect it and aren't trying. Trust in fate, my friend.
I've always thought meetup would be a good way to at least make new friends. I am going to start trying those kinds of things more often (I've only ever been to one since moving here). I'd give that another shot if I were you
It can be tough but I think meeting people through a common interest is always a plus. And once in a while you meet people randomly when you least expect it (on the metro, on the bus, etc) - it definitely happens to me now and then. So I wouldn't try and force it to much!
Read your post, and didnt see anything about Hosted events, birthday parties, cookouts, pool parties, tailgate at sporting events, graduation parties, parties at the park etc.etc.etc. Cant meet people if you dont go out, and meetups really dont count. At those events there is no armor, and you meet tons of interesting people.
Read your post, and didnt see anything about Hosted events, birthday parties, cookouts, pool parties, tailgate at sporting events, graduation parties, parties at the park etc.etc.etc. Cant meet people if you dont go out, and meetups really dont count. At those events there is no armor, and you meet tons of interesting people.
Well you have to know people to go most of the things you mentioned. You can't just show up at someone's birthday party uninvited. The same goes for cookouts and graduation parties. It most definitely would apply to a pool party.
Hi I'm Terrence and I know you don't know me but it's kinda warm today and I wanna go swimming. Oh and tell the pretty blonde over there I wanna hookup after my lap around your pool. Thanks dude!
I've found meetups that are for specific interests rather than general happy hour/party groups work best for me. It's easier to approach people when you know you have at least 1 common interest, and usually special interest groups are smaller and get more "regulars" than the larger groups. For example I've attended some volunteer meetups, as well as some meetups involving current event discussions. I've found stuff like like the general "happy hours and parties for 20s & 30s professionals" to be a bit too intimidating for me and that I generally didn't meet anyone I particularly clicked with at that type of meetup. (Of course this isn't to knock the happy hour/party meetups - I know they work for some people, just not for me.)
forget about it. people in dc don't speak to each other on
the random. everything's too creepy there, so just go for
somebody fresh off the boat, not your typical american citizen.
I don't understand how it is so hard to meet people in this city. How did you guys ever make friends in college?
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