Female's Perspective on Meetup Events (home, floors, shopper)
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This one's for the ladies, specifically in their 20s and 30s.
What are your thoughts on being hit on at meetups (meetup.com events). Besides the single meat market events, do you go to other meetups in hopes to meet a guy?
If so, would you prefer that he asks you on a date via messaging through the site or asks you for your number then and there?
I've been going to a few of these events and can't seem to figure out whether women want to just attend the events and be left alone or go because they're interested in meeting guys - again, ones that are not the single meat market events (we know everyone's trying to hustle there).
Lastly, how do you ladies prefer to be approached? Do you mind if a guy that's interested hangs by your side (non creepily that is) during the event, or would you prefer to chat with him a bit and then keep his distance so you can enjoy the event?
I don't go to meetup events to be hit on, I go to them to socialize. If you hang by my side, it will be creepy. Talking and getting to know someone is fine, and if sparks happen, they happen, but don't go to a meetup event thinking it is okay to hit on someone, or use the event as a way to secure dates. It's not okay. They are likely at the event either to network, or meet people with similar interests, and potentially form friendships, but not much beyond that. Unless the event is explicitly a singles event.
don't go to a meetup event thinking it is okay to hit on someone, or use the event as a way to secure dates. It's not okay.
That's interesting - I'm almost offended at this statement but thought about it some more. I mean, I hear so many women in their 20s and 30s complain (especially 30s) about how they want to meet a guy, how difficult it is to meet a guy, how they want to meet a guy that has similar interests as them... well helloooo!!! So now I'm being told that it's not okay to approach women with the intention of securing a date at these meetup events - many of which are actually a niche interest (e.g. hiking, running, indie films, etc.)
What's a guy to do? Take the passive route?
I understand that if sparks fly then that's all well and good - but that rarely happens when you're in a group of people and everyone is talking to everyone else. I also understand that it's different if they're there to network for a job or if it's specifically a singles event, but for the 90% of other meetups, it doesn't make sense to accept the notion that it's not okay to use it to secure dates - unless you're just a creepster.
Any other female perspectives in their 20s and 30s? Or more specifically, is there a 'right way' for a guy to approach women at these meetup events with the intention of securing a number/date by the end of it (give or take 2 hours) without appearing to pressure said person?
A store where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in DC. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
“You may visit this store only once! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.”
So a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 -- These Men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 --These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids. “That's nice,” she thinks. “But I want more.” So she continues upward.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 -- These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Good Looking and Help with Housework. “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 -- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The notice on the door reads:
"The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer . The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
I don't go to meetup events to be hit on, I go to them to socialize. If you hang by my side, it will be creepy. Talking and getting to know someone is fine, and if sparks happen, they happen, but don't go to a meetup event thinking it is okay to hit on someone, or use the event as a way to secure dates. It's not okay. They are likely at the event either to network, or meet people with similar interests, and potentially form friendships, but not much beyond that. Unless the event is explicitly a singles event.
I don't think that's true. I think it depends on the woman and the group itself. I think if you go in a setting like that as a woman, around guys, then you should expect that some men are going to try to approach you. I mean if a man doesn't approach you during a social event, when else will he? It's not like it's likely he knows you. That's why it's called a meetup. This is starting to remind me of the conversations that came from that NY Street Harassment video. As long as guys are being respectful, then what is the harm? There are women out there that would love that kind of attention. If you don't like it, stay home or just hang out with girls.
I don't think that's true. I think it depends on the woman and the group itself. I think if you go in a setting like that as a woman, around guys, then you should expect that some men are going to try to approach you. I mean if a man doesn't approach you during a social event, when else will he? It's not like it's likely he knows you. That's why it's called a meetup. This is starting to remind me of the conversations that came from that NY Street Harassment video. As long as guys are being respectful, then what is the harm? There are women out there that would love that kind of attention. If you don't like it, stay home or just hang out with girls.
This is my thought exactly. There are meetups just for women and I can see how they go to these with the intent of only speaking to other women. But a co-gender social event? It's fair game for a guy to approach a girl with the intent of asking her for her digits.
Btw - I posted this same question in the Relationship forum and got a lot of good responses if you guys/girls want to check them out. I think the females there are open to being approached as long as it's not hard and heavy (which I find distasteful as well).
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