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Hi everyone...so good news last week! My now fiance said yes! Now we're trying to look at a few venues and get a sense of what our budget should be. We would like to get married sometime middle of next year, but budget-wise, it doesn't seem like we're there, so not so good news. We're not looking to include any extras and have even found a few vendors willing to work deals with us.
My fiance's family is essentially lower class but they offered to pay about 3000, even 4000 on everything (could include invitations, vendors, etc. - not just restricted to the venue itself). To me I think that's excellent and if my parents can match that, I would feel a lot less stressed about this wedding and budgeting.
But I have a hunch that my parents won't pay much of anything and while I can appreciate that for many families, the bride and groom are paying for 95% of everything, it's not quite the case with my family. Both my brother and my sister had very expensive weddings and I'm pretty sure they covered a big part of the bill there, though I'm not 100% sure. I asked my mom if they can give us an idea of guests they want to include and the list is a mere fraction of who was invited to my siblings' weddings.
The underlying reason for all of this that my family does not like my fiance that much - not enough to say "We don't like her so call off the wedding!!", but not much. They adore my now sister in-law so that's probably why they could've paid a lot for my brother's wedding. And my parents wouldn't skimp on their daughter's wedding.
So that's where we are. I can go into further details, but the fact of the matter is, previous experience and observations should not rule out that my parents can/should help fund some of this, but until I get a sense of what they can contribute, I think we're in limbo.
My now fiance said yes! Now we're trying to look at a few venues and get a sense of what our budget should be.
You probably shouldn't be getting married if you can't afford the wedding on your own. It's nice if a parent offers, but it's tacky of you to assume or even ask that they will fund it.
Besides, shouldn't you be concentrating on saving money for that monstrous ticket you're going to be paying?
Is this the GF who didn't brush her teeth for 3 weeks and didn't care when your baby niece was born etc.?
If so, I kind of understand where your parents are coming from.
There is a tactful way to do it, but it's really a matter of being ready to deal with the answer.
FWIW, You don't "get a sense of what your budget should be" by looking at venues you want.
Your budget is the amount you have, and you adjust your selections based on that.
OMG... is this him???
OP...tell your parents you're planning a wedding. And that's it. Don't ask for anything. Maybe they'll offer. If they don't, work with what you have. Seriously, dude, you've got some maturing to do.
Is this the GF who didn't brush her teeth for 3 weeks and didn't care when your baby niece was born etc.?
If so, I kind of understand where your parents are coming from.
There is a tactful way to do it, but it's really a matter of being ready to deal with the answer.
FWIW, You don't "get a sense of what your budget should be" by looking at venues you want.
Your budget is the amount you have, and you adjust your selections based on that.
After skimming a few of your recent threads I think that you should wait a few years until both of you are more mature. An added benefit will be that you can save up enough money to pay for your own wedding.
The OP is already planning a wedding he cannot afford!
I agree...
My wife and I decided to get married out of college. Neither of us had much... we are both from less than modest families. We told them they didn't need to help but they did in their own ways. So with a bit of creative thinking we did it in our very small budget (a bit of my savings). Married off season for negotiation leverage with venues. We also searched local college campuses for aspiring group string quartet and photographer for their time, good tip, a chance to practice, and invite to the reception. We also put our honeymoon on hold. Everything else was either hand made or rented.
We didn't want to start life together spending huge sums on money on something that really in the grand scheme of things.. is not that important. We both went into the wedding assuming that if things didn't fit in our limited cash saved for it, we would simply get married at townhall and have a good dinner with family.
Disputes over money and incompatible financial goals is a leading cause of divorce... best get that all figured out before actually getting married.
We rarely ask family for help... they have their own lives to fund... The times they did step forward was for times in "real" need.. medical primarily. I don't think they could have helped if we squandered their cash on a wedding.
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