Now What? (invite, ceremony, bride, date)

[CoastalElegance]

I posted awhile ago about the indecision we had about inviting my sister and her family to my sons wedding.


That post is here //www.city-data.com/forum/weddings/


My son and his fiancé decided to not invite them. We supported them in this decision.

Fast forward.

At Christmas (we were not there) my eldest brother told several family members that he was bringing said sister as his plus 1.

These family members felt like they should warn us.

I don’t want to add fuel to this by giving it attention. We are less than two months from the wedding day.

I have not mentioned it to the bride or groom. But did in passing ask who had rsvped. This brother has not RSVP yet.

We are not sure whether to intervene and confront him or let it lie.

I really don’t want my son and his bride to be upset if the rsvp comes with his plus one as her.

This is supposed to be a happy time. I’d like to keep it as stress free for them as possible.

Suggestions?

[rrah]

Call your brother and ask him if he intends to bring your sister. Briefly explain why the sister is not being invited. Ask him to respect the decision of your son and family.

BTW-your link just links to the general wedding forum, not the original post.

[CAKD]

Your thread didn't link directly but I remember your post and went back and read it again.

Are you close to this brother?

What a spiteful thing to do and honestly if your sister took him up on his offer after what she did , that speaks volumes.

Has he RSVPed with his plus 1? Are you certain he wasn't just making this threat to make a point?

Either way I think I would call or text him and ask him point blank if he was coming to the wedding? If his answer is yes then ask him if he planned on bringing XYZ if the answer is again yes , point blank tell him she isn't welcome and if he can't attend without her then he isn't welcome either.

The last thing you want to happen is for them to both show up on the day of and there to be an issue.

If he was that vocal about it at Christmas then what is he going to do at the wedding? You don't want a scene.

And if he is a jerk about it all I would ask him why he didn't bring you to your nephews wedding if he thinks everyone should be included where was he when you were excluded from your nephews wedding?

[CoastalElegance]

Originally Posted by CAKD

Your thread didn't link directly but I remember your post and went back and read it again.

Are you close to this brother?

What a spiteful thing to do and honestly if your sister took him up on his offer after what she did , that speaks volumes.

Has he RSVPed with his plus 1? Are you certain he wasn't just making this threat to make a point?

Either way I think I would call or text him and ask him point blank if he was coming to the wedding? If his answer is yes then ask him if he planned on bringing XYZ if the answer is again yes , point blank tell him she isn't welcome and if he can't attend without her then he isn't welcome either.

The last thing you want to happen is for them to both show up on the day of and there to be an issue.

If he was that vocal about it at Christmas then what is he going to do at the wedding? You don't want a scene.

And if he is a jerk about it all I would ask him why he didn't bring you to your nephews wedding if he thinks everyone should be included where was he when you were excluded from your nephews wedding?

All valid points.

As of now he hasn’t RSVPed. The requested date to do so by was the 15th. I found out he hasn’t reached out to any other family member and asked them about airline plans or hotel plans which I think one would if going to an out of town wedding for a relative.

I would rather not have to confront him so I’m hoping the above means he just isn’t coming and was being an arse at Christmas.

Thanks

[CAKD]

Originally Posted by CoastalElegance

All valid points.

As of now he hasn’t RSVPed. The requested date to do so by was the 15th. I found out he hasn’t reached out to any other family member and asked them about airline plans or hotel plans which I think one would if going to an out of town wedding for a relative.

I would rather not have to confront him so I’m hoping the above means he just isn’t coming and was being an arse at Christmas.

Thanks

I personally wouldn't bank on this being the last you hear of him. I hate to be negative but he seems to have an agenda. Maybe thats just being a jerk maybe not.

Don't be surprised if a week or two prior to the wedding an RSVP shows up or even worse they both just show up at the wedding.

I know confrontation is hard but it far outweighs them showing up and ruining the day.

[DannyHobkins]

You don't want any surprises at the wedding.

[CoastalElegance]

Well said brother has still never rsvp. When asked by another family member if he had gotten his plane tickets and talked to us about the hotel (we have reserved an entire floor for out of town guests) he said he “wasn’t coming that something else had come up.”

We feel pretty secure that he and him brining her won’t happen.

The venue is gated and the gates are closed 15 minutes prior to the ceremony and monitored there after so their names will not be on the list for entry.

Just sad.

[CoastalElegance]

Oh and I am not sure why the link didn’t work.

For anyone wondering the original post is

“To Invite or Not Invite……….That Is The Question.”

[CAKD]

It is sad. From start to finish this type of rift is never easy and in this case the events leading up to it are quite awful. . I hope the wedding goes smoothly for your son and his bride and that your brother is true to his word and doesn't show up.