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I think if your church has exceptionally beautiful stained glass windows, I can see why they may like those for a backdrop for some of their photos.
I think it would be acceptable to ask for a donation. What harm would there be in allowing them to take photos there? What answer did your pastor give?
I don't find it that unusual. They should give a donation though. They should be asked to give a donation. And while the pastor may be reluctant to ask, there should be someone who deals with such requests. If it's a particularly beautiful church, amazing setting, historic, whatever, I can see people appreciating that and having no problem asking if they can have pictures taken there. And the person dealing with the couple and photographer....tells them sure, congratulations, the charge is $..... and we wish you much happiness.
Photographer approached our Pastor asking if he could use the building to pose the bridal party in front of the stained glass windows. No one is a member...wedding taking place elsewhere. Thoughts? Would you ask for a donation? Anyone think this is a weird request?
We belong to a church that is architecturally notable, with a graceful interior and gorgeous stained-glass windows. However, it's not a public monument. It's not a backdrop. It's a house of worship designed to serve the needs of its congregation.
So asking this is essentially to say, "Well, we don't agree with your church and what it teaches, but it's just so adorable. It would make an excellent backdrop for my special day."
Wait. What?
I realize that the bride thinks it's all about her on her wedding day, but it requires time and effort to actually open a church for such a photo op, including getting the sexton involved on his day off. So excuse us if we really don't want to go through all that effort to provide scenery for a couple who will never darken the threshold of the place again. It never occurs to these people how shallow such a request might be.
We think the same thing about people who go church shopping. If you join the church and participate in the life of the congregation, then the use of the church is free. But if you're not a member of the congregation, then the cost for using the church is the same as the average annual tithe of a member family, which runs somewhere around $4,500. That typically deters the casual shoppers.
It is also required that the couple go through pre-marital counseling by the rector. He has on occasion refused to marry a couple based on their present relationship, instead advising them to give it another few months of soul searching. Probably a wise thing in this day and time.
Photographer approached our Pastor asking if he could use the building to pose the bridal party in front of the stained glass windows. No one is a member...wedding taking place elsewhere. Thoughts? Would you ask for a donation? Anyone think this is a weird request?
Not weird....a vineyard, church, kiva or whatever else, are private property deserving of permission and a donation. And maybe some advertising if the owner wants it. It's the couples that get pictures taken on train tracks that are weird - they're trespassers, promoting recklessness.
We belong to a church that is architecturally notable, with a graceful interior and gorgeous stained-glass windows. However, it's not a public monument. It's not a backdrop. It's a house of worship designed to serve the needs of its congregation.
So asking this is essentially to say, "Well, we don't agree with your church and what it teaches, but it's just so adorable. It would make an excellent backdrop for my special day."
Wait. What?
I realize that the bride thinks it's all about her on her wedding day, but it requires time and effort to actually open a church for such a photo op, including getting the sexton involved on his day off. So excuse us if we really don't want to go through all that effort to provide scenery for a couple who will never darken the threshold of the place again. It never occurs to these people how shallow such a request might be.
I agree- when I was planning my second wedding and spent a lot of time on theknot.com, I appreciated the integrity of the women planning wiccan handfastings, beach weddings with a friend as officiant, etc. The ones I didn't like were the ones who were going through the motions of a church service to please the family or because it was pretty, but then moaned and complained because they weren't allowed to wear strapless dresses or use Broadway songs in the ceremony. One even remarked, "after all we're paying to use that church.." One pastor in a previous church would talk with the couple and if he believed they were honestly seeking a spiritual home he'd perform the ceremony. That made sense- sometimes what draws "un-churched" people back into a church for their wedding is that they're honestly seekers and you want to give them that chance. As someone whose charitable spending largely goes to keeping our church doors open, keeping the space the correct temperature and paying for repairs, though, I agree with you- they need to help support it.
We belong to a church that is architecturally notable, with a graceful interior and gorgeous stained-glass windows. However, it's not a public monument. It's not a backdrop. It's a house of worship designed to serve the needs of its congregation.
So asking this is essentially to say, "Well, we don't agree with your church and what it teaches, but it's just so adorable. It would make an excellent backdrop for my special day."
Wait. What?
I realize that the bride thinks it's all about her on her wedding day, but it requires time and effort to actually open a church for such a photo op, including getting the sexton involved on his day off. So excuse us if we really don't want to go through all that effort to provide scenery for a couple who will never darken the threshold of the place again. It never occurs to these people how shallow such a request might be.
We think the same thing about people who go church shopping. If you join the church and participate in the life of the congregation, then the use of the church is free. But if you're not a member of the congregation, then the cost for using the church is the same as the average annual tithe of a member family, which runs somewhere around $4,500. That typically deters the casual shoppers.
It is also required that the couple go through pre-marital counseling by the rector. He has on occasion refused to marry a couple based on their present relationship, instead advising them to give it another few months of soul searching. Probably a wise thing in this day and time.
Spot on!!!! You articulated exactly what I could not do....bravo!
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Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
I realize that the bride thinks it's all about her on her wedding day, but it requires time and effort to actually open a church for such a photo op, including getting the sexton involved on his day off. So excuse us if we really don't want to go through all that effort to provide scenery for a couple who will never darken the threshold of the place again. It never occurs to these people how shallow such a request might be.
It is about the bride & groom tho .....just like a birthday is about the person whose birthday it is. That's why the couple pays for it....the venue....the florist......the photographer....the music A N D the church if they want a service or to take pictures there. Ita they need to donate to the church to take pictures if that's what they want..........
But if you want them to come back....maybe be a little more welcoming? It seems kinda shallow IMO to make a fuss over it....or call it shallow....just request their donation so it helps the church.
It is about the bride & groom tho .....just like a birthday is about the person whose birthday it is. That's why the couple pays for it...
It's NOT all about the bride and groom, in every case. That's the actual point.
Just because someone can pay for something doesn't mean they get to do it, or should even consider it. In some denominations, the church is just a building, but in others it's a sacred place, not a backdrop. Out of respect a bride should know better than to ask in the first place, rather than just throwing a donation at them to get her way.
It's NOT all about the bride and groom, in every case. That's the actual point.
Just because someone can pay for something doesn't mean they get to do it, or should even consider it. In some denominations, the church is just a building, but in others it's a sacred place, not a backdrop. Out of respect a bride should know better than to ask in the first place, rather than just throwing a donation at them to get her way.
Well said.
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.....just like a birthday is about the person whose birthday it is. That's why the couple pays for it....the venue....the florist......the photographer....the music A N D the church if they want a service or to take pictures there. Ita they need to donate to the church to take pictures if that's what they want..........
