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Love Wauwatosa! I'm a long time Tosa home owner & resident, so I'm a bit biased. North Ave/East Towne as well as the old village have really experienced a renaissance the last 5 years or so. From what you've said I think Tosa would be a great fit for your family.
Yes, by all means, get out of "Walker"sha county asap. It's very bigoted and reactionary. An educated, upscale African American (I don't know if this applies to you or not), is no different than "the typical Chicago gang banger".
1) After years of experiences reading City Data Forum posts, I get the general sense that to the Original Poster - your mind is sort of made up already. While your attitude about not wanting to give up on Wisconsin too quickly is commendable, there is a big enough difference in so many ways between living in the Upper Midwest and living in the Pacific Northwest (i.e., living in Metro Milwaukee versus living in Metro Seattle) that with your post definitely having a "homesick" kind of bent and feel, you probably are going to be happiest opting to return to your comfort zone.
Having said that, living in Seattle would be a rare form of torture for me, even though for me individually it is a fine city to visit or pass through. Its just the whole "different strokes for different folks" kind of thing.
2) I somewhat am confused by the sole choice largely presented of "Wauwatosa." While Wauwatosa is a very nice community in many ways, in a metro area of 1.5 million people and a high quantity of different, diverse communities to chose from, why be so narrowed to either Brookfield or Wauwatosa?
3) This really gets down to factors that are of critical importance to you in being contented to a quality of life. As you already mentioned, the Seattle metro area is terribly expensive in terms of cost of living compared to Milwaukee Metro. Is that a big deal to you? For many it would be, for others not as important. Traffic/congestion is much worse in Seattle metro than Milwaukee metro. Again, is that a big deal to you? To me, I would hate the hassle and inconvenience of driving in some of the bigger cities of the West Coast and beyond. To others, commuting/traffic is not as big a deal.
Further, when mentioning winter weather, you can move anywhere you'd like in the Milwaukee metro area but that will do nothing to improve winter conditions. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, however, this past winter was actually fairly mild comparatively to other average Milwaukee winters. In 2008 Milwaukee's official meteorological measuring point - Mitchell International Airport - received officially 100 inches of snowfall. While that was abnormally high, the point is that winters here can be much worse than what you experienced this past year, and, I would say, generally come to expect them to be tougher.
While Seattle is one of the very major U.S. cities with a climate that I personally would consider to be inferior to Milwaukee's for my own personal tastes when factoring the year-round experience, there is no level of wishing that will make Milwaukee's winter comparably mild in comparison to the moderating affects of the Pacific Ocean on West Coast cities' winter temps and snowfall levels.
Winter's intensity and length is one of the overriding negative factors for many individuals as it comes to Milwaukee metro living. For some it is not a big deal. For others such as me who hate the winters, there are a lot of positives to living here that outweigh even the bad weather (although some years are admittedly tougher than others). To others, they just can never happily acclimate to the weather and either exist here begrudgingly or move.
I think so much of your consideration factors are really just a matter of taking the time to rank for you and your family what the most important to least important factors are when determining quality of living for you. Again, when you note that family is in the Seattle area and that is "home"...I think your unintentional personal biases/preferences for living there have already answered this question. However, it would still probably be a good, instructive exercise for you to go through. Is weather a greater factor than affordability? Are the downsides of living in a massive populated metro outweighing the positives, or do you prefer in general terms the positives of a massive metro?
These are considerations you have to make.
4) In terms of your experiences as it relates to ethnicity/diversity/race, I would say with confidence that what you are experiencing tend not to be the racism or segregation factors that you cite moreso than Milwaukee metro being a very non-transitory population in general. While of course people do transplant here all of the time, by and large, there is an overwhelming majority of the population here that has familial history/roots that tie into living here...often times going back for many many decades.
The West Coast just has a lot more transplants and thus culturally is overall in general terms more easily adapted to a larger subset of the populace as a whole. Again, I dispute that this results - in *general terms * - to overt, hostile racism or segregation in Milwaukee metro; moreso, I believe there is just a general feeling often times in many circles of apprehension to the inclusion of those that aren't lifelong friends or friends back to high school type of years.
Further, the Caucasian populace in the greater Milwaukee area has a great deal of roots in Germanic ethnicity. Culturally, German culture as it has manifested in Wisconsin has bred a culture of quite, private lives that is less open to embracing "outsiders"...again, not due to overt hostility or racism but more because "that's always how it has been."
5) Again though, tying into point 2 above, if you do end up opting to continue to live in metro Milwaukee, there are so many different places you could consider living - all being fairly distinct or unique in their own ways - that it would not be wise to limit your selections down to "Brookfield" or "Wauwatosa."
Get out and explore the many different communities throughout the City of Milwaukee and its many suburbs. Live amongst the people day in and day out. Evaluate the different vibes the many pockets of community that are given off. Where are you more comfortable or perceive being more accepted? There are many communities (such as Brown Deer or Menomonee Falls) where different racial diversity is experienced much more than necessarily in Brookfield/Elm Grove, and they are nice, safe, pleasant communities.
Also, if you can afford to live happily in Brookfield/Elm Grove or Wauwatosa (or Seattle for that matter), you can live in some of the nice areas of the City of Milwaukee itself which has a much different ethnic feel and vibe. Again, get out and experience the different communities within the metro Milwaukee area as a whole and then see how you feel. I would encourage you to do this even if you ultimately decide to go back west. So large a percentage of Milwaukee metro is within a 30 minute or less commute time amongst its many communities that there is no reason to stay isolated or confined to the general area that one's home is in.
Again, as a resident of metro Milwaukee, of course there are many reasons I think living here is a good thing and of course I would encourage you to consider staying. However, the allure and pull of "family" and "home" are extremely strong for many reasons culturally, and I get the sense that you have answered your own question already; prolonging the inevitable (moving back west) likely will only breed more resentment towards living in the area (just wait until next winter!). However, being a faceless/nameless message board, it is possible my gut instincts are wrong. That is why doing a list of "quality of living" priorities from most critical to least would be so helpful for you I believe.
You should move to Racine. It is a melting pot with all races mixed together. There are many parks along the Root River and you have Lake Michigan bordering the whole east side. Although the school system may seem a little below average if you make sure your children do their homework and are involved with them they will do as well as any of the other schools in Wisconsin.
My wife and I are white and retired we moved to Racine to take advantage of the lower cost housing. My family was worried about us moving here because of possible problems but we have found it to be as nice as other places we have lived and feel safe. One of my next door neighbors is an Hispanic family and the other is a black family. Several other neighbors are people who have lived in the neighborhood for fifty years. School children of all ages walk to school past our home in both directions and we have not experienced any problems. The homes are mostly built in the 50's but are maintained and with few exceptions look nice. There are also upscale neighborhoods around the area also with many families that have lived in the area all their lives.
We can walk to our church and the Hispanic family next door attend there. The church is very open with a really nice after school program catering mostly to Hispanic children. Most of the white members are older retired people who pretty much opened the door to the Hispanic Community because they saw the need and a way to expand their ministry. The Hispanics now make up a bigger percentage of the membership.
I'm older and have seen a lot of west coast transplants struggle in the Midwest . . .
I think it takes 3 - 4 winters to get used to them. As another poster wrote, proper clothing and getting outside helps. I cross-country ski and hike on the metro park trails.
OP, I'd give it at least another year. If you want to move within the state, fine. I'm thinking Mpls/St. Paul might be a better fit for you culturally, but the winters over there are even worse. Still, people thrive.
I have lived on both the East side of Wauwatosa and the West Side of Wauwatosa, our family is also a biracial family. The East side of Tosa is very diverse and liberal, a walkable community and has house of great architectural character. The West side of Tosa is Bland, white bread, conservative, much like Brookfield. I suggest that you move to East Tosa for a year, maybe sell your Brookfield home and rent for awhile before giving up and moving to the West Coast again. I would imagine that East Tosa would have more diversity than parts of California, and the Pacific Northwest.
If you're not feeling like Wisconsin is a good, or fun, or an enjoyable place to live I would move ASAP. As far as the racial aspect of your question, I can say that I always noticed and felt tension in the workplace between black and white folks in Milwaukee and connecting cities like Waukesha. So strange too, and it went both ways. I haven't experienced that in the other areas of the country that I've lived.
I always felt as if the quality of life in Milwaukee, and the midwest in general, was always so far below what you can get on the west coast. Especially in the desert southwest like Phoneix or Las Vegas.
My goodness, I can't believe you're having such a hard time as there are many interracial couples in Wisconsin..especially in the city I live in. Nobody bothers them and they're just accepted as part of our community.
My best advice is, no matter what area you are in, join a church you're comfortable with and become part of their community. God doesn't judge and I think you will find yourselves much happier with people that love and appreciate you. The people you meet will lead you in the right direction and hopefully you will find a community that welcomes you.
Thank you all so much for the wonderful advice. We are definitely going to get out to some of those areas mentioned and spend some time at the restaurants and parks, but so far we have somewhat decided to move back to southern California. It's really the unknown outcome that has us on the fence about Wisconsin. If we sell our Brookfield house and settle in another city here in Wisconsin if things would remain the same and having to move again or it ends up being the right decision for our family. It surely is a stressful gamble especially when it involves time, money and unfortunately uprooting our children again. I know race can be a touchy subject for some people, so I am extremely grateful for the replies!
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