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Thank You and yes, I am young...I try to do my best and try to do what is right and thought it was right...it was wrong.
I don't have many friends and value those that I do have...I thought this person was a friend and I cared about her. I wanted to help her, not hurt her and that's not what my intention was. I've learned a valuable lesson through this situation - I just need help on "fixing" it...help to gain the trust back or help to just make it better.
I don't have money and what I do have is gone when I get paid because I'm married, my husband lost his job due to downsizing, and the economy in my town is horrendous. I'm one paycheck away from eviction. That's not why I care about the issue or the job - whatever happens happens...I just want to learn from my mistakes and get advice from people who have experienced something similar and can help me fix this and move on in my career and work relationships.
Lesson learned - keep business business and personal personal...I won't mix them and even if I feel I have a work "friend" ... will only discuss "work" nothing more.
You sound like you're having a tough time, so I don't want to beat you up anymore.
If they let you get past this I would going forward (unless you hear a murder being planned) not get involved in any issues regarding who doesn't like who, or who is gay, etc. Just stay out of it.
I remember one time(about 11 yrs ago) starting a job and I was invited to go out for drinks after work with some coworkers after my second week. Against my better judgment I went. It turned into a b**ch session about work and people at work. That was my first and last time...it just isn't worth it. Someone was even trying to get me to talk about my boss(who was not a nice guy). I said nothing.
I just started and they wanted dirt.
I would tell the manager if it comes up next week, what you just stated here. You learned your lesson from this scenario and also mention other than this and since that time there have been no other issues.
If given the chance, you should express a willingness to start again at any entry level position, with a full probationary period. That way, if management feels you might have learned, or there is hope for that to occur, you are presenting them as being confident enough in proving it to allow them a second , full probationary period to test to insure their faith in you is deserved.
It is good that you're asking for advice now, but it is a bit late. You should have stopped and asked for advice before you ever kept listening in on that call-you said you knew it was wrong, but you did it anyway-and again before you told the person the other two were dogging about what was said.
So, if you want to learn from this experience, ask yourself why you continued to do something that you knew was wrong and that could lead to you loosing your job? Also, ask yourself what prevented you from cutting your losses, and saying nothing more about it? If you never thought twice before doing either of these things, you need to ask yourself if you've been in trouble before when you've done things impulsively? You also need to be honest about your motivation, here. Were you harboring lot's of bad feelings, and thought you could use the information you wrongly acquired to hurt those two? Like Wiley Coyote in the old cartoons, you always end up blowing yourself up that way. And you don't build the biggest building in town by knocking all the other buildings down. You do it by focusing all your positive energy on acheiving positive goals-not undermining or tearing others down.
The worst thing that could happen here is not that you loose this job...it is that you don't learn anything from the mistakes you've made.
You do need to be honest with yourself about being wrong here. It sounds like you are trying to justify what you did, make excuses about it, and that will only cost you precious time in the 'life lessons learned' department.
If they didn't fire you on the spot, I don't think it's likely that they will.
As far as what to do next, I think you need to accept the fact that you've lost the trust-I couldn't be sure from your post, but it sounds like everyone knows about this, so the trust of everyone there.
You can't just get that back in a weeks time. I would say that "forgiveness is about the past, trust is about the future"...meaning that what you do now, is ask for forgiveness, with true humility. That means acknowledging what you did was wrong, and you alone were responsible for doing it-no matter who ratted you out, who's jealous of you, whatever. They will be looking for you to show that you recognize the seriousness of what you've done, not only that you violated company policy, but also some of your individual co-worker's right to privacy. Then, you recognize that, since trust is about the future, you will need to put a great deal of time between now and the next time you do anythingelse wrong on the job. The more time that can pass where all your superiors and co-workers experience nothing but reliable, helpful, diligent, and humble behavior from you, the greater likelihood that they will be able to trust you again. But, remember, it's not up to you to determine when enough time has passed, even if you feel quite sure you're ready to be trustworthy again. It's got to be up to them. And it will not be easy. Likely, you tend to be a "people pleaser", and expend a lot of energy trying to anticipate what others would want you to do or say or think or be, in order to win their approval and acceptance. So you will be in the exact opposite situation from what is normally the place of comfort that you seek. But this will really be good for you, because the life of the 'people pleaser' is a life full of stress, anxiety, loneliness, and self-denial, that is ultimately bad for your physical, emotional, and spiritual health. This might be a very good time, by the way, to seek some professional counseling, or personal coaching, to delve more deeply into these issues, or some spiritual direction, as this is a spiritual crisis for you in a way, also. Again, the fact that you are asking for advice now is a very good thing. Don't stop there-and this could turn out to be one of the best things that ever happened to you! Believe me, there are very few of us, despite what some of harsher, more judgemental postings would have you believe, who have not slipped and made real moral or ethical trespasses such as this. I certainly have. And I have deep regret about them...and resolve to do better in the future. But when you can learn from them, that is a real gift. I wish you all good things, but mostly to keep growing in your work life and in your personal life. Let us know what happens.'
Blessings,
b.
You know every workplace has gossip, backstabbing, employees telling lies about other people, employees getting other people in trouble or fired, that is just part of the working world. The best thing to do when you encounter this, is to ignore it because people do this stuff all the time. A person shouldn't be getting all bent out of shape when hearing or encountering these things. Pay attention to your job and not what your coworkers are doing or saying. Remain professional at all times when dealing with coworkers.
What sort of company hires people to sit and listen in on private conversations between counselors and employees?
Call centers, like the OP said. You have to listen in on the regular staff's calls to make sure they're not insulting the customers, lying about the products, etc. They're just spot checks for coaching and evaluation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyWorkersLie
I'm not playing the "perfect" card - it's just those on here like you that think they are Holier Than Thou....whatever.
As for posting it on the internet forum - it's for advice not to be criticized and treated like a piece of **** - obviously you have no morals if you treat others the way you all appear to on this "forum".
Oh, but you did drag out the holier-than-thou card. You told us all how you would be in heaven with your cabana boy, in fact.
You don't seem especially repentant, nor receptive to advice. But in case you are, I would advise that you go to work, keep your mouth shut, and not press the issue further. Your manager is doing what she can to make sure you get to keep your job, and if you beg and plead, you will dig your own grave. Also, do not ask for a demotion as a bargaining chip. They might not even be entertaining that thought, so why risk a pay cut when you might not have to take one?
As for getting your co-workers to trust you again, that will take time. And nothing but time. It can't be rushed, so don't try to. Assuming you retain your management position through the year, you could begin to do small things some months from now, like bringing in treats, or sending your team holiday cards to show your appreciation for their work that year. But don't force it. It will come across as phony and desperate, and the message you want to communicate is that you've authentically changed.
Above all, do not engage in any gossip. If you talk about yourself, do not discuss your personal life, and do not ask others about their personal lives, do not mention their looks, etc.
You sound like you're having a tough time, so I don't want to beat you up anymore.
If they let you get past this I would going forward (unless you hear a murder being planned) not get involved in any issues regarding who doesn't like who, or who is gay, etc. Just stay out of it.
I remember one time(about 11 yrs ago) starting a job and I was invited to go out for drinks after work with some coworkers after my second week. Against my better judgment I went. It turned into a b**ch session about work and people at work. That was my first and last time...it just isn't worth it. Someone was even trying to get me to talk about my boss(who was not a nice guy). I said nothing.
I just started and they wanted dirt.
I would tell the manager if it comes up next week, what you just stated here. You learned your lesson from this scenario and also mention other than this and since that time there have been no other issues.
Good luck.
Thank you for your feedback. On the Monday after I posted this, I meet with the managers and we discussed further. They put a note on my file and said let's forget about it. This was 1 - due to my honesty when questions came up about the situation and 2 - due to my remorse and finally 3 - due to the fact that I am an extremely hard, dedicated worker who gives a lot back to the company.
The meeting went well, I learned a very valuable lesson and will never let something like this happen again.
You are right - unless I hear that someone is going to physically harm someone else, then I'm letting stuff slide. While I do worry about others, it's important to not get involved in the rumor mill.
Things have been going extremely well at work and I'm proving myself tenfold. I will continue to do so because that's the way I am. I always do my best at everything I do and will make my manager proud to know that I'm his employee and provide assurance in the work I do that he made the right decision.
It is good that you're asking for advice now, but it is a bit late. You should have stopped and asked for advice before you ever kept listening in on that call-you said you knew it was wrong, but you did it anyway-and again before you told the person the other two were dogging about what was said.
So, if you want to learn from this experience, ask yourself why you continued to do something that you knew was wrong and that could lead to you loosing your job? Also, ask yourself what prevented you from cutting your losses, and saying nothing more about it? If you never thought twice before doing either of these things, you need to ask yourself if you've been in trouble before when you've done things impulsively? You also need to be honest about your motivation, here. Were you harboring lot's of bad feelings, and thought you could use the information you wrongly acquired to hurt those two? Like Wiley Coyote in the old cartoons, you always end up blowing yourself up that way. And you don't build the biggest building in town by knocking all the other buildings down. You do it by focusing all your positive energy on acheiving positive goals-not undermining or tearing others down.
The worst thing that could happen here is not that you loose this job...it is that you don't learn anything from the mistakes you've made.
You do need to be honest with yourself about being wrong here. It sounds like you are trying to justify what you did, make excuses about it, and that will only cost you precious time in the 'life lessons learned' department.
If they didn't fire you on the spot, I don't think it's likely that they will.
As far as what to do next, I think you need to accept the fact that you've lost the trust-I couldn't be sure from your post, but it sounds like everyone knows about this, so the trust of everyone there.
You can't just get that back in a weeks time. I would say that "forgiveness is about the past, trust is about the future"...meaning that what you do now, is ask for forgiveness, with true humility. That means acknowledging what you did was wrong, and you alone were responsible for doing it-no matter who ratted you out, who's jealous of you, whatever. They will be looking for you to show that you recognize the seriousness of what you've done, not only that you violated company policy, but also some of your individual co-worker's right to privacy. Then, you recognize that, since trust is about the future, you will need to put a great deal of time between now and the next time you do anythingelse wrong on the job. The more time that can pass where all your superiors and co-workers experience nothing but reliable, helpful, diligent, and humble behavior from you, the greater likelihood that they will be able to trust you again. But, remember, it's not up to you to determine when enough time has passed, even if you feel quite sure you're ready to be trustworthy again. It's got to be up to them. And it will not be easy. Likely, you tend to be a "people pleaser", and expend a lot of energy trying to anticipate what others would want you to do or say or think or be, in order to win their approval and acceptance. So you will be in the exact opposite situation from what is normally the place of comfort that you seek. But this will really be good for you, because the life of the 'people pleaser' is a life full of stress, anxiety, loneliness, and self-denial, that is ultimately bad for your physical, emotional, and spiritual health. This might be a very good time, by the way, to seek some professional counseling, or personal coaching, to delve more deeply into these issues, or some spiritual direction, as this is a spiritual crisis for you in a way, also. Again, the fact that you are asking for advice now is a very good thing. Don't stop there-and this could turn out to be one of the best things that ever happened to you! Believe me, there are very few of us, despite what some of harsher, more judgemental postings would have you believe, who have not slipped and made real moral or ethical trespasses such as this. I certainly have. And I have deep regret about them...and resolve to do better in the future. But when you can learn from them, that is a real gift. I wish you all good things, but mostly to keep growing in your work life and in your personal life. Let us know what happens.'
Blessings,
b.
Amazing post. I agree with everything you say and your response shows a wiseness that many do not have.
Regarding who knows about the situation/losing trust - it's not everyone within the company. It's a small group of people in a separate division. I no longer work directly with them because I moved to this other position.
Specifically, I wanted to comment on, "The worst thing that could happen here is not that you loose this job...it is that you don't learn anything from the mistakes you've made."
-You are too right about this. That would be the worst thing that could happen - and I can assure you, myself, and everyone that it won't. I am one who learns from my mistakes. After this incident, I thought about it for weeks wondering why I did it - what led me to do it? I think part of it was jealousy; however, much of it was that she was talking about me behind my back so I thought I'd do the same which is so childish. I had a very immature, irresponsible moment and I know that I will never do something like this again.
I'm truly a good person, I'm honest, and usually don't do things like this and think that all the stress and drama of the department I was in built up and blew up.
I've come a long way since this happened back in November and had a "Come to Jesus" with management and let them know how truly remorseful I was and they knew from my history as well as my hard work that it won't happen again.
Call centers, like the OP said. You have to listen in on the regular staff's calls to make sure they're not insulting the customers, lying about the products, etc. They're just spot checks for coaching and evaluation.
Oh, but you did drag out the holier-than-thou card. You told us all how you would be in heaven with your cabana boy, in fact.
You don't seem especially repentant, nor receptive to advice. But in case you are, I would advise that you go to work, keep your mouth shut, and not press the issue further. Your manager is doing what she can to make sure you get to keep your job, and if you beg and plead, you will dig your own grave. Also, do not ask for a demotion as a bargaining chip. They might not even be entertaining that thought, so why risk a pay cut when you might not have to take one?
As for getting your co-workers to trust you again, that will take time. And nothing but time. It can't be rushed, so don't try to. Assuming you retain your management position through the year, you could begin to do small things some months from now, like bringing in treats, or sending your team holiday cards to show your appreciation for their work that year. But don't force it. It will come across as phony and desperate, and the message you want to communicate is that you've authentically changed.
Above all, do not engage in any gossip. If you talk about yourself, do not discuss your personal life, and do not ask others about their personal lives, do not mention their looks, etc.
Thank you for the feedback. I will take it and move forward with your suggestions. I do highly agree that forcing things like sending appreciation messages etc etc too much too soon will seem fake and I do not want that. I want them to truly know that I am sorry for what I did and that it was a poor choice I made that I will always regret.
Trust me, I know I'm not going to heaven without confessions and begging for my sins to be forgiven. If we go by the book, so many things we do are sins when it's not intentional. I was upset because I was looking for honest feedback on what I could do to improve the situation - feedback from someone who had maybe faced something similar in their past. I got judged and personally attacked which is what led me to react harshly.
I do appreciate everyone on here who provided constructive feedback to me.
Regarding begging for my job and demotions and everything. When my manager talked with me Friday - he said that we would meet Monday. After that, I did not send any messages or anything to the managers and let the time move on. I didn't discuss with anyone at work - told my husband and my mom but that's the extent of it (other than asking advice on here). Monday afternoon came around and we met and discussed further. Everything went well and I came prepared with suggestions on how I can regain the trust of these people as well as keep myself away from something like this ever happening again.
So - once again, THANK YOU to everyone who helped and provided suggestions on this!
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) not get involved in any issues regarding who doesn't like who, or who is gay, etc. Just stay out of it.
To Urgent Advice Needed
