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He may want to try talking to a therapist. From your post it sounds like he's suffering from bad anxiety. I have a very annoying habit of over-thinking things and it can sometimes be similar to what it sounds like your friend is going through, but I usually succeed at talking myself out of it and I have bipolar disorder, which is why I recommend therapy for whatever the underlying reason is. It can work wonders.
He may want to try talking to a therapist. From your post it sounds like he's suffering from bad anxiety. I have a very annoying habit of over-thinking things and it can sometimes be similar to what it sounds like your friend is going through, but I usually succeed at talking myself out of it and I have bipolar disorder, which is why I recommend therapy for whatever the underlying reason is. It can work wonders.
I htikn it may help him, but that is also something that he has to believe before it will. And at this point, he really thinks that he is being reasonable. Guessing I will talk to him today and I may suggest it. Luckily, we have the kid of relationship where I can talkto him and say that I am worried....
Location: Stuck on the East Coast, hoping to head West
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I realize this is going to sound overly simplistic, but there is some comfort in accepting that there are no guarantees in life. Accepting that you really can't control anything is actually freeing. Like someone else alluded, you can do the perfect job and, for reasons beyond your control, you can still get fired.
I'd encourage him to come up with some actionable alternate plans. He can build up his emergency savings, pay down debt, have his resume up to date, etc. Then, when he gets into that loop of worrying about losing his job, tell him he's right, he can. And then move on. I just don't think indulging him at this point is helping either one of you. By the way, I think you're a great friend.
I htikn it may help him, but that is also something that he has to believe before it will. And at this point, he really thinks that he is being reasonable. Guessing I will talk to him today and I may suggest it. Luckily, we have the kid of relationship where I can talkto him and say that I am worried....
The way I deal with paranoia, is to ask that person the question every time they bring it up.
Im going to get fired, I know it.... Why do you say that, what have you done to make you think that?
I can just feel it! ....... did you feel it before, when you were terminated? You KNEW, you were going to get fireD?
If you keep up this kinda conversation, don't answer, ask him to answer himself. It normally gets them to recognize their paranoia.
I can really relate to both your concern and your friend's worry. It's hard not to feel gunshy after losing two jobs, and once you lose your confidence, it's doubly hard to build it back up again.
Like a couple of others here, my first thought was therapy or counseling, and if he'd consider it, I still think it could be a very useful approach to explore. At the same time, though, I know a lot of people are averse to that kind of suggestion. So I was thinking that perhaps a "life coach" (or whatever it is they call themselves) might be an alternative he could consider. I think that sometimes people are more amenable to counseling if it comes in the guise of "coaching," making it more like sports and less like mental illness, hence less threatening. I don't know what all is available in that field in your neck of the woods, but it could be worth passing on the idea. From your description, he really just needs to get past the impact to his confidence and sense of self-worth, and that shouldn't be a terribly long process if he can just connect with an effective coach/counselor.
There is one other comment I wanted to make, and that is to be sure to remember to take care of yourself in this process, too. It's so easy and so dangerous to get dragged into a never-ending role as the counselor/shoulder-to-cry-on kind of friend, and it will just suck all your energy into the vortex of his neediness. It's really, really hard to look at a friend who is hurting and not be able to jump in and fix it; we all have that urge to be the fixer-upper. You can't do it for him, sadly - but you CAN wind up damaging your own emotional health if you throw too much energy into trying to fix it for him. Sometimes the best way to love a friend (or spouse, or kid, or sibling) is also the toughest: you have to let them make their own way out of the slough of despair.
Good luck to you both. You sound like a wonderful friend.
I realize this is going to sound overly simplistic, but there is some comfort in accepting that there are no guarantees in life. Accepting that you really can't control anything is actually freeing. Like someone else alluded, you can do the perfect job and, for reasons beyond your control, you can still get fired.
I'd encourage him to come up with some actionable alternate plans. He can build up his emergency savings, pay down debt, have his resume up to date, etc. Then, when he gets into that loop of worrying about losing his job, tell him he's right, he can. And then move on. I just don't think indulging him at this point is helping either one of you. By the way, I think you're a great friend.
Thanks. For the words of encouragement and for saying I am being great friend. Nice to hear, as I feel like I am letting him down....so thanks. It felt good.
I can really relate to both your concern and your friend's worry. It's hard not to feel gunshy after losing two jobs, and once you lose your confidence, it's doubly hard to build it back up again.
I really think this is where he is...he lost so much of his confidence after round 2 that it seems to be hiding.
Like a couple of others here, my first thought was therapy or counseling, and if he'd consider it, I still think it could be a very useful approach to explore. At the same time, though, I know a lot of people are averse to that kind of suggestion. So I was thinking that perhaps a "life coach" (or whatever it is they call themselves) might be an alternative he could consider. I think that sometimes people are more amenable to counseling if it comes in the guise of "coaching," making it more like sports and less like mental illness, hence less threatening. I don't know what all is available in that field in your neck of the woods, but it could be worth passing on the idea. From your description, he really just needs to get past the impact to his confidence and sense of self-worth, and that shouldn't be a terribly long process if he can just connect with an effective coach/counselor.
We are in Los Angeles, so I am POSITIVE that would be something we could find. And I really like the idea, not a therapist, just someone to help talk him through some of it.
There is one other comment I wanted to make, and that is to be sure to remember to take care of yourself in this process, too. It's so easy and so dangerous to get dragged into a never-ending role as the counselor/shoulder-to-cry-on kind of friend, and it will just suck all your energy into the vortex of his neediness. It's really, really hard to look at a friend who is hurting and not be able to jump in and fix it; we all have that urge to be the fixer-upper. You can't do it for him, sadly - but you CAN wind up damaging your own emotional health if you throw too much energy into trying to fix it for him. Sometimes the best way to love a friend (or spouse, or kid, or sibling) is also the toughest: you have to let them make their own way out of the slough of despair.
I am trying. This is all pretty new...and luckily I have a job that I am still fairly new at (6+ months), so I get a break at work, and my friend is good at letting me have my evenings with my new husband, so I am getting time to destress. But thanks for your concern.
Good luck to you both. You sound like a wonderful friend.
Thanks to you as well for the encouragement!
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