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I have such a weak ego that I couldn't think of a better way to start this thread than by making up excuses. These 'excuses' are based on reality but they are excuses nonetheless.
The first excuse is that I am a mentally defective person.
The second excuse is that this wasn't discovered until last year.
But even though it wasn't known until last year that I am mentally defective, I think that many people already guessed it.
I was picked on in high school, ridiculed, disliked by many classmates and even by some teachers. All because I was an A student who did not play the role he was expected to play. Some people apparently couldn't comprehend how a person like me could be an A student and took the anger caused by their cognitive dissonance out on me.
To my credit I'll mention that in spite of all the psychological abuse I took in high school I managed to get accepted to a decent school. Not a Harvard by any means, but the kind of school that is full of ivy league rejects who were too good for a state school.
In college I sort of became less of a "freak show" but never became quite "normal". I had almost no friends. The only person who was sort of a real friend to me was my roommate, but with his obsessive desire to help fix the problem that I couldn't see I quickly realized that the best course of action was to get him out of my life, lest he'd one day lower my quality of life past the point of no return.
Graduated from college, with honors. Couldn't find a job. Went to the career center and instead of being helped was ridiculed for not doing extracurriculars. I now understand that the reason I didn't do extracurriculars is because I went to a university where the majority of the student body was nothing like me and because my mental illness made it nearly impossible for me to interact with those people in a manner that wouldn't exacerbate the symptoms of my mental illness. As to why I didn't psychologically torture myself and do extracurricular activities anyway? Because I already had plenty of stressors in my life and the last thing I wanted was more.
Don't tell me that I sound like a person with Asperger's. The people who are supposed to know who has it and who doesn't have told me that I don't have it. What I have been diagnosed with is attention deficit disorder, and that wasn't until last year.
Then after some time unemployed I found a job that I hated even before hired, but I figured that I had to pay my dues and took it. A few years later got fired from that same job due to apathy on my part. I've been collecting ever since.
And it looks like even as I approach the 2 year unemployment mark there aren't any prospects of my finding meaningful employment. Not even the many grams of Prozac and Adderall I have taken in the last year have changed my life in any meaningful way.
It doesn't matter that my demeanor and my attitude have changed significantly since I started taking the medications. It doesn't matter that I have taken courses during the past year in order to keep my skill-set up to date.
Employers don't give a crap. They can see there's something wrong with me. The only people who tell me I'm worth a million bucks are my psychiatrist and psychologist. And they also keep asking me how come I still haven't found a job.
I think it's time to get real and forget about everything. Forget about college. Forget about my being an A student. Forget about any illusion I ever had and just find a blue-collar career I can tolerate.
Can someone give me any idea? I mean but how does a former third rate computer programmer go about erasing his past and just getting a blue collar job? How do I spin my resume? What lies do I need to tell? how do I distort the truth?
I have my doubts about the sincerity of your posts, but in the event that you are sincere, it's only fair to inform you that ADD isn't the issue. You actually sound like you have deep rooted psychological issues that message board therapy isn't going to help.
If you are ADD, you probably like working with your hands.
I use my hands to type code but as far as I know I don't like working with my hands.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maf763
I have my doubts about the sincerity of your posts, but in the event that you are sincere,
and why do you doubt it? Is it because I said that I was an A student? Do you by any chance belong to the bandwagon of people who don't believe a person like me could possibly NOT be stupid?
Quote:
it's only fair to inform you that ADD isn't the issue. You actually sound like you have deep rooted psychological issues that message board therapy isn't going to help.
The ADD is at the root of everything. If I hadn't had ADD I wouldn't have been socially 'slow', people never would have been cruel to me, and there would have been nothing for me to end up traumatized with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesse69
I think you can still work a good IT career with ADD. How do you afford your pills and psych visits since you're unemployed? Do you get SSDI?
I collect and I have money saved in the bank. The copay for the pills is $40. The rest of the bill is paid by state-subsidized health insurance.
Wow you sound really smart. Good thing there are a lot of stupid blue collar people out there that have some actual life skills and get stuff done. Please, don't come work a blue collar job, stick to your "smart person white collar job". Thanks.
I would say the first step is to pull your head together. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Maybe go on a vacation or something, find some way to get your head on straight. It sounds like you need it. It is not really possible to make a wise decision when you are feeling that down and out. Get your head cleared, take a break from life and think it all over. Better to take the time to make the right decision now than making a decision impulsively and regretting it for years to come. Go relax on a beach somewhere and think it over. You just finished college, take a breather, no reason to rush into things if you don't have a family to support or anything.
Wow you sound really smart. Good thing there are a lot of stupid blue collar people out there that have some actual life skills and get stuff done. Please, don't come work a blue collar job, stick to your "smart person white collar job". Thanks.
judging by your neuroticism I guess you are a blue collar worker yourself.
I personally see nothing wrong with skilled blue collar workers.
at least they are skilled and have something they can sell and that someone is willing to buy.
if you mean blue collar worker like the ones who push carts at the supermarket, I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. and that's not to say I will never be in their shoes.
So you misread me when I mentioned blue-collar jobs as a less preferable alternative.
I don't like working with my hands. I am not interested in understanding the way cars work or the way fine furniture is made.
The answer seems to me you need to start your own business. What do you like to do? Figure out who would buy and how you would sell something you like to do or make. In a couple years you will own your own job and won't have to worry about office politics anymore. But you will have to worry about government politics as it will have a large effect on your new business.
If depression and ADD/ADHD are your issues, there are other medications out there. The two you are on are the standard first meds doctors tend to throw at these disorders. There are many other meds to try. It doesn't seem that those two are helping you much. Tell this to your doc and ask to try something else. Also try to get to an actual psychiatrist if you can. If you are having biochemical issues, not much else will go right until you get these straightened out. I know this all too well.
Good luck.
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