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Recently secured a new job, paying well - Suddenly my father is on the phone looking for me to get him a job. The thing is I wouldn't mind but I find the whole thing so two faced anytime in the past I have gotten a decent job the first thing he says is "you were lucky to get that Job", or makes comments like "are you still working", never has a good word to say to me, never has provided any kind of advice or encouragement.
The other thing why he wants to get a job here is beyond me, although he can earn more, its a hundreds of miles away and then there is the issue of where he is going to stay, I am assuming he will want to stay with me some of the time, I have a wife here. He has a reasonable job where he is, and with all the travelling back and forth I wonder would he earn that much more.
This is my life, I don't want clinging on to me, or am I being mean and cruel - I just feel he is using me, as soon as your of use to him he is one the phone being friendly, rest of time its not too unfriendly. I remember when I was younger intending to move back home the first thing he said was "don't come home until you get a job"
The other thing is its not like he is short of money, he is pretty comfortable, and earned plenty over the years - If I was going to help someone I'd like to help out a brother who needs to buy a property, or bring up a family not just someone who wants to top up their bank account.
Personally, I would not work at the same place as any of my relatives. You probably know this, but you have to put yourself first. Based on what you mentioned, I would not encourage him to apply at the company you are with, especially if your father has these annoying traits and really doesn't need your "help."
Also, since you are new at the company, it is probably best not to recommend relatives to work where you are at this time, perhaps later on after you know their culture and have been there a long time. I hate to say it, but over the years, when I saw people get fired, sometimes their relative at the same company would have worries about the same thing happening. Often the relationships of relatives at the same companies, I saw were siblings, spouses, and those closer than age than parent/child. I would avoid placing myself that possible situation by working with relatives at the same company for the most part.
It sounds like your father really doesn't need your help with getting a job anyway. I would just continue to discourage him from applying where you work, there are plenty of other places for him to work.
Last edited by berkeleylake; 12-01-2012 at 06:10 AM..
He has a low opinion of the jobs that you can do. If you bring him in, he may voice these opinions to co-workers. You don't want to look bad in a new job.
While he has done well for several years in better paying jobs, he never offered you a job. He didn't think you were capable or he didn't care. Now that you are more successful, he is seeking you out for more money not to congratulate and encourage. That's the sad part.
Last edited by move4ward; 12-01-2012 at 07:06 AM..
I can't quite put my finger on it, but something about the way you characterize your Dad leaves me feeling that he is not just out-of-work or down-on-his-luck. While its certainly well-known for a parent to bring a son or daughter into their workplace, the idea of a son or daughter bringing a parent into the workplace---I think---needs to be approached carefully. Its relatively new and unstructured territory in our Culture. Some people here, like MOVE, are recommending a healthy skepticism---maybe even a bit of suspicion around the edges (IE. Why isn't dad more autonomous? What other options has Dad used to find work? Why has Dad not found more security and stability in his life?). If dad has some issues with his Work Ethic, People Skills or Work Skillset, he is going to bring all of that baggage with him. You have enough challenges building you own career without have to run interference for Dad if short-comings start popping up.
I know you didn't ask about this, but I would also reflect on the possible dangers of having Dad move in with you....especially if he has a track-record of not pulling his weight. Even in healthy marriages couples have to learn to set limits and for each to pull their share of the load. I don't know you or your Dad but I am getting the sense that Dad would not carry his weight in those circumstances.
I agree. Doesn't sound good or a risk worth taking. He may take you down with him and if that happens, who knows how long it will take you to get out of it. I tend to stay away from the unfortunate and unlucky because they have a tendency to often bring others down with them. His actions will reflect on you, you are also judged by the company you keep. I say don't do it.I sure as hell wouldn't, are you kidding?
I agree. Doesn't sound good or a risk worth taking. He may take you down with him and if that happens, who knows how long it will take you to get out of it. I tend to stay away from the unfortunate and unlucky because they have a tendency to often bring others down with them. His actions will reflect on you, you are also judged by the company you keep. I say don't do it.I sure as hell wouldn't, are you kidding?
I don't view him as unfortunate and unlucky, or in as a loser - I am just a bit angry that you get disrespectful attitude, almost looking down on you, who does not really want to speak to you - then as soon as your successful everything changes, and he is on the phone all friendly, saying are there any jobs for me!
Actually his current job he got with the help of my other brother! Why the hell can he not use all his experience to get a better job closer to home instead of invading my space.
Actually I remember a previous Job where my Contract was ended, not fired just end of contract - Whilst I was looking for a job my ex-co-worker was making all sorts of nasty remarks about me being unemployed at a time when you need support, as soon as I got a new job which was better, the first thing he said was "Can you forward my Resume", "are there any jobs for me".
It just amazes me how two faced many people are, friendly when your of some use, then if your out of work they show their true face. I seen the trait in so many people, they just weigh you up and see what they can get out of you.
For that reason I won't be helping anyone - they can help themselves. Anyway its much better to find your own job who wants to rely on others, any job I have got I have done by myself - If don't have the ability to job hunt by yourself, or can't even be bothered to update resumes, fill in application forms, attend interviews, take training courses, research the type of jobs you want to work in, and attempt to match your skills, and are constantly looking Jealously to see what other people are doing so you can get in on their job - are you really a professional person who deserves a job - there just looking for an easy ride and don't want to do the work.
Last edited by curiosity123737; 12-01-2012 at 11:40 AM..
I would give people money before helping them get a job. I have personally been burned by helping people get jobs. Big time.
And you know what? They don't appreciate the help anyway...they whine the job is not good enough and they don't make enough...like, they want to start atnthe top? People like this attribute success with "luck", and don't even appreciate that you are where you are due to hard work...
I would give people money before helping them get a job. I have personally been burned by helping people get jobs. Big time.
And you know what? They don't appreciate the help anyway...they whine the job is not good enough and they don't make enough...like, they want to start at the top? People like this attribute success with "luck", and don't even appreciate that you are where you are due to hard work...
You are so correct. Plus, with the OP being a new hire...it could jeopardize his new job...It really is expecting too much for a new employee to even consider asking for favors.
I'd tell him they are not hiring and, being new, you don't have any influence anyway.
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