Was this what I needed to do? (employee, credit card, interviewed)

[Sutton87]

I was a waitress at a restaurant for the last 5 months. When I first interviewed I was really interested in management, in moving up, etc. I was warned by coworkers, when I was training, that I would soon change my mind and that no "employee" was happy. I soon found out why people were telling me this. They had a lot of interesting procedures about serving tables, some of it was "standard"--promoting drinks, appetizers, etc, giving good customer service, and the list goes on. But other things that we were required to do were a lot more difficult, especially when we could have up to 6 or 7 tables at one time and were essentially (weeded)--so many of us unfortunately, took shortcuts(i.e. not always promoting certain things because we didn't have time because we had too many tables to attend to, or not being able to catch up on sidework because we were struggling with catching up with our many tables. The company was very short-staffed, to the point where there would be only 3 or 4 servers on at a time and the restaurant I worked at was huge, very busy, etc. There was a lot of disorganization in the company as well, and the company failed a health inspection 4 different times. If you catch my drift, obviously the environment overall was not the greatest. In the time I worked there 5 different people have been fired(one was a manager who came in drunk to the job, another was a bartender who stole, another was an employee that committed credit card fraud, and another was a bartender that was drunk on the job).

The coworkers I worked with, when I started were very cliquish, many of them had worked at this restaurant for several months, and many of them did the same things--(drinking a lot, smoking pot, having sex with random guys all the time, using a variety of other drugs, etc). I don't do any of those things, and so I found it difficult to participate in conversations. In hindsight I realized this probably hurt me, because people always mentioned to me that I was quiet. While everyone was constantly revealing EVERY detail(negative) in their life, I kept my personal life out of the workplace. I admit I didn't really "bond" that well with everyone, BUT I always make small talk, I was always friendly, and I listened and didn't pass judgement when people would reveal things to me that were personal(i.e. a girl coming in and saying she had sex so many times the night before that her ovaries hurt, or another girl saying that she had sex with a guy in his car 3 times in one night).

I had never worked in this type of environment so I didn't really realize that I would be evaluated not only on how well I followed the procedures, sold and make promotions, but on how well I got along with team members. My perception was that I got along with everyone, I talked to everyone, I always helped when I could. I listened when people told me personal problems. And we ALL vented about how much we were unhappy with the job.

Needless to say I was surprised when I was pulled aside by the manager today and told that he didn't feel like I had met his expectation as an employee, because he was told by people I worked with that I said unacceptable things about the company when managers weren't around, and he was also told by employees that I didn't help out enough. I felt like I was in a twilight zone, I ALWAYS helped, when I wasn't weeded, and when I could. If anything there were many occassions where people would see that found needed to be run and they wouldn't run it, but I would. And EVERYONE, I mean everyone talked crap about the company when managers weren't around. It was everyday thing. The managers favorite server(a girl that has worked there for three years and is really buddy buddy with the managers) talked about how much she hated the job and couldn't wait to quit. So I was really surprised when the manager told me that other employees told him about some of the negative things I said, or that they expressed that I didn't always help(when I CERTAINLY did). He said that while I was a good server, he also evaluates team members based on how well they get along with the team, and if everyone likes each other.

Before this conversation with him, I was told a couple of weeks ago, by another server that one day when I wasn't around they(the other employees) were all talking about me. And he gave me a word of advice, he said that I need to try to fit in more and that maybe it would actually be a good idea to act like the girls I work with and just come in to work one day and say that I got gangbanged and that I smoked shrooms(yes I know lol) just so I could get "in" with everyone else. He said that people were put off by me not being more open, etc.

When I evaluate myself and compare myself to the other employees I KNOW that there were times where I did a half-*** job, but I also know that MOST of the time I busted my butt and helped out as much as I could, and that the things I vented about were the SAME things that everyone else did, matter of fact we all would vent together.

So my question is this(because I start another job in two weeks) is important that I get really friendly with people I work with in order to avoid another scenario like this. I've obviously learned my lesson about bad-mouthing the place I work at, and I will never do that again but it seems like in this case the fact that I didn't bond enough with my team members bit me in the butt.

[davenj08]

Is it important to get friendly with people you work with - YES. Would I be friendly with people who have drinking/sex/drug problems just to keep a job - depends on how desperately I want this job. It may seem that the restaurant is poorly run and they are short staffed but it seems they are short staffed because no one stays long enough and runs away due to the poor work environment. You need to talk with the management and share your side of the story; then let me them decide if they want a good waitress who does her share (servicing the tables, helping out others when needed; up-selling, etc) and is willing to work hard to prove herself; or is it more important for them to have someone who fits in well with other staff.

[momtothree]

I had similar issues but on a different scale. I was very unlike my coworkers and they felt like I was too judgey of them. I am not saying this is the case (as I didn't feel like it was ME either) but maybe you give off a disapproving vibe. What I did to change was be more smiley and nodding. But not so much changing myself as sorry I am not going to do that for anyone. lol But I did work on being more accepting and that nothing they said was "shocking" or nothing I would personally do or have in common with. In other words, I never commented in the negative to anything they said. Example, "Oh I drank way too much last night but it was $1 martini night! My favorite! What is your favorite drink?" You, "I don't drink." might come off judgey. Instead you can say, "If I drank, probably something sweet. Maybe a daiquiri?"

Of course this won't always work either, some people will just dislike you no matter what you try/do/not do etc. So hopefully the next group you work with are more friendly!

[beera]

When you don't fit in, you shouldn't say bad things. It will (and obvously has) come back to bite you.

Second of all, you don't need to lie and act like you are some drug abusing person who sleeps around, if you pretended the next thing that would happen is they would figure out you were lying when you wouldn't join them using drugs or wouldn't go around having sex with coworkers.

Honestly, this sounds like a place that is NOT for you.

If I were you, I'd defend myself "really? I always help! I'm really not understanding where this is coming from, I don't bad mouth the company but I have heard others, maybe they are confusing me with someone else?"

And then after that look for a new job, I wouldn't want to be around those sort of people.

Fitting in to an extent is good, but this place has obvious toxic employees who don't like that you aren't stooping to their level. They probably are jealous of you, don't be part of them! Be yourself and find a better place to work.

[Sutton87]

Thanks everyone for the input.

I was always nonjudgemental when people told me things--I would smile and nod and be polite. I think the problem is that I'm shy and I admit I did keep to myself at times, or not really share much about myself as opposed to the rest of the coworkers who often did.

And I did defend myself.. I told the manager that I was not badmouthing the company and he basically told me I was a liar and had a smirk on his face. He was very condescending and rude and I did feel singled out. I know for a fact that there are a few other employees who do way less than I do and I felt like he picked on me in a sense. He has belittled other employees before and has been disrespectful and rude to other employees. So it's nothing new, but this was the first time I EVER had this encounter at any job I've worked at before. There have been a lot of things that has happened at this company where I do believe I was singled out and each time I was very passive and continued to do my best to improve. The tone, the conversation, the way the manager seemingly called me a liar, and discovering that other employees that I work with that VENT all the time and say bad things all the time, talked to him and said negative things about me was the last straw. I quit there on the spot, after trying to defend myself and basically feeling as if he was calling me a liar. I also no longer trusted coworkers after hearing what he said and so that was another reason I decided to quit.

I knew that it wasn't the environment for me and I'm actually starting a new job in two weeks. I just want to prevent this from happening.. I feel like in the end what bit me in the butt, was not so much being a "good server" but not being friends with employees and making the mistake in thinking that I could vent with other employees who vented with me all the time.

[beera]

Glad you are starting another job, forget that place! Don't let them make you second guess yourself.