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Alright...I'll save most of the story and try to keep it short (Sorry, it'll be long anyway)
About 2 years back, I was a manager at a decent company. An employee under me who I really didn't know due to her working early mornings and me working later asked me for my phone number. I said no, it's not professional. I was in a 9 year relationship and she was married. A few weeks later, she got it anyway and started texting me. I kept my responses to a minimum, and turned down every offer of hers to hang out. A few weeks went by and she got very sexual with her messages. Eventually I was getting naked pictures. We soon enough we were at a bar together with a bunch of coworkers and she walked back to my car and we kissed... within a couple days I reciprocated on her messages and soon enough she was at my house for sex under the condition nobody knew and it was just sex, nothing emotional. She became obsessed with me quickly. She told a coworker friend as well. The next few months were a mess. Her friend was my friend too, and quickly told me she was absolutely obsessed with me and I needed to get out immediately. We had sex a few more times before I said enough is enough, we cant talk to each other anymore. 10 days later she called me and said she thought she was pregnant. This brought us back together and we started hooking up again once the "scare" was over. Every time I would say no, she would somehow convince me to let her come over anyway. She was scary obsessive. Her friends would try to take her phone from her because she wouldn't leave me alone when I told her she couldn't come over. She locked herself in a car to talk to me while they tried to take her phone. When they brought her to someones house to sleep, she locked herself in a bathroom screaming for me to let her come over. Eventually, the friend said they were taking her to my house or dropping her off at a Walmart. Once again, I let her come over. She always tried to have my girlfriend and I hang out with her and her husband. I said no every time. She would text me from her husbands phone. It was crazy. There was a company Christmas party and she made sure her husband sat next to me...then texted a friend how hilarious it was. Eventually her husband found out about us, and posted a ton of pictures of text messages to Facebook and shared them with all my employees. I had to resign.
My long term girlfriend wanted to stay together but I couldn't get away from this girl. The ex eventually moved away under the condition we we're still together. That didn't happen. This girl was persistent. She would bring me food from the most expensive restaurants. She would buy me presents. She made me feel like the most important guy on earth. I eventually found a new career and moved across the country with her. She was always happy. Super motivational, and super supportive. In nearly two years, I can't remember her ever telling me no. Once we moved, I eventually got depressed. I didn't talk to her nearly as much. Didn't give her as much attention.
She wound up getting a job at the same place that I was working. A few months later, I found text messages between her and a coworker (She's 24, has been married or in a relationship for the last 5 years, yet has slept with 5 different coworkers or bosses at 4 different employers). The text messages were him telling her "The back room is empty. I unplugged the cameras. Wish you were here" And her saying "I can't live without you. I will figure this out. I will marry you one day. You have no choice." I broke up with her immediately. I personally feel that I emotionally left the relationship months ago, so it was easy. She begged for me back. She trashed the other guy. Told me I was her soul mate and he was nothing. The last day we lived together, she came into my room and sat on top of me and had sex with me. Later in the afternoon, she stopped me in the hallway and did other sexual acts and asked for a second chance. I stood my ground. The very next day, she was horseback riding with him, getting a tattoo with him, and planning a trip to Asia together. They went to Thailand the next week. They are now in a relationship, and she was giddy and joyous less than 24 hours after begging and crying for me.
I work with both of them, which has been quite hard to deal with, but I can handle it. But now, she is trashing me at work, telling lies about me in her department, and saying "I broke up with him because he's such a *****." And making fun of me for seeing a therapist (Yep, I am. This kind of destroyed me) I just want a normal work experience. I don't want people looking at me like I'm an idiot. She has convinced everyone I'm crazy. I'm not. I was nice through everything until I found out about her trying to ruin my reputation. She did the same thing to her ex husband. She told everyone he beat her and abused her (Even her friends said it wasn't true). But it ruined his reputation. I'm afraid she'll do the same to me. I am considering going to HR but I fear she will lie and manipulate it into my problem, and I'll end up getting in deeper than I am now. If I don't, I also fear that she will lie and destroy me until I either quit or get fired. I can't perform my job effectively anymore. I can't just get a new job in my field... There are only about 10 places in the country that do what I do, and none of them are hiring. Can I go to HR? Or is it a lost cause? If I do, she always tries to get back a hundred times worse. I called her a sociopath the other day (My therapist mentioned that she shows the signs) and she just told me to never talk to her again, and started to spread lies about me at work. Since then, she has been initiating conversations with me, and has been very cordial, yet I'm hearing shes still spreading lies and talking trash at work. What is the right move here? Can I go to HR?
Thank you if anyone actually read this horribly long post!!!
Sociopathic maybe, but she sounds deeply narcissistic, in that she lacks much of a conscience, and must always have things her way. She seems to destroy everything she touches and has no regret about it.
Your reputation is already under threat around this woman as she knows how to use drama, but at this stage there isn't much you can do. Fortunately, you don't NEED to do anything as she is so destructive that she will probably end up destroying herself. Not many people take her seriously anyway now, by the sound of it.
I would try to get back control by not responding to her baits. She will eventually alienate everyone like this. Any kind of reaction to her doesn't seem to work, so try no reaction. Of course if she trash talks in front of people you trust, fire a complaint to HR. Otherwise just wait for her to implode.
Thanks for the reply. I worry because I've seen her at her previous employer. She seems crazy, but somehow convinces everyone she is genuine and they end up sympathizing with her and thinking she's great. She is too convincing and manipulative to let things unravel. Even the lies that seem preposterous, she'll get people to believe them. Hell, she did it to me. And though I didn't talk to anyone at work for the first couple weeks after it happened, now as people ask, I set them straight with the real story. When that gets around back to her department, I don't know how she might act. I fear for my job if I do nothing.... And I fear for my job if I do something...
Sure you can, but I'm curious as to what you are going to say to them? That you have no ability to keep your d**k in you pants and say "no" to a crazy woman that you led to their company?
Very early on your nutty female radar was warning you about trouble yet you ignored it and listed to your little head instead and now you are stuck in a bad situation. HR will be inclined to fix the problem by firing one or both of you. Your best option is to try hard to find another job, or as others have said wait it out and hope she destroys herself and gets herself fired.
Next time you find yourself being drawn into the grasp of a psycho, run away. Also don't date at work. This worst case scenario is exactly why it is a bad idea.
Seriously? Why would you go to HR? You made many very poor decisions that have resulted in your current situation. I suggest you move on and look for a new employer where no one knows your sordid history...
Next time you find yourself being drawn into the grasp of a psycho, run away.
It isn't always that simple though. As OP has explained, this is a woman who appeared obsessed with him and didn't take no for an answer, and has seduced many other men in the process. You can't always tell a psycho that easily - they don't wear a sign saying so. God knows how many relationships this woman has already destroyed and will destroy in the future, plus also people have the right to make their own life choices.
It isn't always that simple though. As OP has explained, this is a woman who appeared obsessed with him and didn't take no for an answer, and has seduced many other men in the process. You can't always tell a psycho that easily - they don't wear a sign saying so. God knows how many relationships this woman has already destroyed and will destroy in the future, plus also people have the right to make their own life choices.
BS!! She was psycho from the beginning, and he willingly went along with it. When she started texting him, he texted back. He never said he told her to stop. And, if he did, and she still texted, then he just needed to block her number. He knew she was a nut ball, yet he was horny.
I've seen her at her previous employer. She seems crazy, but somehow convinces everyone she is genuine and they end up sympathizing with her and thinking she's great.
She sounds like a piece of work, but I can't see how this warrants much of a complaint, unless someone makes a personal grievance against you, and therefore taking this to HR doesn't appropriate or necessary - what could they do anyway if she is a master of manipulation?
I appreciate that having people talking trash about you is mean and uncomfortable, but you have to grow up and be the better person - vague rumors about it aren't really much of a case to sell, and she seems to much of a drama queen to be taken very seriously.
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