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Story time.
So I am finishing out my time at a job that turned from once promising into a miserable existence because of constant pointless restructuring. During my time at this company, the department I originally signed on to work for got busted up, I got reassigned to a job I would never have taken, the manager who I worked for and had a decent relationship with got forced out.
This was all disheartening to me and even with my best efforts to adapt, the happenings took their toll and my work quality suffered and I ended up being placed on a PDP and written up and eventually demoted and pretty much my coworkers hate my guts which is just as well since I was seen as an outsider from “that department” anyway.
I earned a Master’s in a different field and had been looking for a job in that field for a few months and finally got a great offer last month.
Here is the gripe:
In excitement I posted on my social media that I got an offer as a show to family and friends who saw and heard how miserable I was since my demotion. Now with my social media, I completely exclude current coworkers from following for a reason, but am more open about former coworkers I’ve become friends with. An old coworker saw my post and informed my management about my offer. Then that management confronted me about the offer which I was forced to tell them about it.
I was and am still absolutely furious that this former coworker decided to blab my offer to my current management and irate that my management confronted me about it instead of waiting for me to come to them. I had been very transparent about looking for work in my field and felt I should have been trusted to come to them with a very sensitive situation. I hadn’t even passed the background check yet and I was waiting for another potential offer so the offer I posted about wasn’t a done deal. But I passed the background check, the other offer didn’t work out, so it is a done deal and I am out.
My question is, even though I posted my offer to social media, do I have a legit gripe because this person knew how mush BS I was in at work and that management was looking for a reason to fire me? If so, who is more deserving of my anger, the ex coworker for blabbing or my management for acting on it?
I am not clear on whether you indicated on the posting of offer that you haven't given notice and it was confidential. If the former co-worker intentionally divulged this knowning you didn't give notice and would put you in a precarious situation, I would let him know I didn't appreciate it.
However, is it possible that it was assumed it was a done deal and perhaps the co-worker said something in passing to your boss like "I heard x is leaving." Sometimes even former co-workers stay in touch so perhaps it wasn't something intentional.
Your former manager has an self-interest in knowing you are leaving as soon as possible so he can make plans for a replacement and do whatever else in preparation for your leaving. So, no I don't fault the manager.
Sorry, you have no one to blame but yourself. You put it out there, people will think it is public knowledge. Don't put something out on social media you wouldn't want every person in your life to know. Hard lesson.
Sorry, you have no one to blame but yourself. You put it out there, people will think it is public knowledge. Don't put something out on social media you wouldn't want every person in your life to know. Hard lesson.
There is a Victorian/Mauve Decade rule that no one, especially young men and women of good breeding, should ever write anything in a letter that they would not be comfortable seeing published in a newspaper.
A bit restrictive, but allowing for evolution of what's "proper," still pretty valid.
I thought it was pretty well known by now, even for those just reaching job/adult/real world age, that your social media self is in no way insulated from the walking, talking, sweating, fumbling-around self.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl
Sorry, you have no one to blame but yourself. You put it out there, people will think it is public knowledge. Don't put something out on social media you wouldn't want every person in your life to know. Hard lesson.
Would it be different if me and my friends were having drinks at the bar, I mentioned the offer and the dude blabbed it? I’m under the impression that I have vetted these friends to only those I can trust not to put me in that position in the first place, no matter HOW I told them about my offer. Guess I should live by my own words, don’t trust anyone, from now on.
Would it be different if me and my friends were having drinks at the bar, I mentioned the offer and the dude blabbed it? I’m under the impression that I have vetted these friends to only those I can trust not to put me in that position in the first place, no matter HOW I told them about my offer. Guess I should live by my own words, don’t trust anyone, from now on.
It's a similar situation, but not identical. Saying something to a small group and having one of them blab is is a little different in that it's hearsay and you've limited your exposure and it becomes hearsay - which a boss or HR person might give a little credence to, but know it's subject to a lot of factors.
YOU putting it on a social media platform that can be read, directly, in full context and exactly as written, by your boss or around 5 billion other people on earth... just a bit more incriminating.
Would it be different if me and my friends were having drinks at the bar, I mentioned the offer and the dude blabbed it? I’m under the impression that I have vetted these friends to only those I can trust not to put me in that position in the first place, no matter HOW I told them about my offer. Guess I should live by my own words, don’t trust anyone, from now on.
Your friend may not have known they were in a "preferred group" on your social media and thought you were making a "for the public" statement.
If you're in a setting as you describe above, I'd assume you would qualify the statement with a "hey, this isn't a done deal, so please don't share beyond this group... but finally got a job offer" or similar.
If I am sharing information that needs to be kept secret or within a small group of people, I always state that. Even if they're people I know wouldn't share. I'd rather there be no confusion about what's OK to share and what's not.
Did your friend/former co-worker know it was information not to be shared yet?
^This is important to knowing whether you have a legitimate gripe or not.
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