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I am straight, liberal and don’t have to deal with any repercussions over your decisions. So it is easy for me to say you should just be open about it.
Yes, in my correct workplace it is common for people to know a person’s preferences and not judge. A few will still do so of course, but they are definitely a silent minority.
Yes, I would be open about it from day 1, although stating “my partner and I...” is not definitive, as many unmarried but committed heterosexuals also use that terminology. You may have to go with “my partner Bob...”.
Just so you know, using the term preference is really not appropriate. Preference connotes a person has a choice and prefers something over something else. It's not a choice.
We have a pretty small office. We hired a young man a couple years ago and he and I hit it off right from the start. He is like a son to me. We didn't know (or care) one way or the other. It was at the Christmas Party not long after he was hired that it happened to come out. I think he mentioned his partner or something-no big deal.
Our office is mostly conservative but honestly, no one cares. We all get a long and do our work. My office is just 3 of us. I am the old lady- Mom. The other 2 are about 30 and then the young man is 23. They are very liberal and I am very conservative. We have long talks literally about everything.
I understand your fear. But I think if it come out naturally like anyone else talking about their family- it will be OK. No need to make a grand statement. It hurts my heart that anyone should even have to worry about stuff like that. And yes, I am a conservative Christian.
As a coworker, why should I have unneeded, unwanted, not pertaining to my job duties information about your orientation? I don't gossip, I don't need anything to chew on. Mod cut.
Let people know you first as a person, and when relationships are established, you'll see for yourself whom to talk to about what isn't supposed to be topic for conversations at work at all, and who would consider it totally inappropriate.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 05-23-2019 at 02:52 PM..
Reason: Rude.
Just so you know, using the term preference is really not appropriate. Preference connotes a person has a choice and prefers something over something else. It's not a choice.
What is nice is in this era of employment and political politeness running rampant in some business's, It can be done in a straight forward manner. The dont' ask dont tell days are thankfully long behind us....Now its a "if inquired, being honest", . I have in my employ been asked if I was divorced...or dating....Both giving the opportunity to convey my hetero life style. I also met a new employee and the way she chose to be welcomed was to invite us over to her home for an afternoon cookout. Her Mate was there. Her mate is female and they both charmed the new staff, as they shared stories and carried themselves with a level of knowledge and self esteem. Neither were ashamed or batted an eye . They were as much individuals as they were a couple.
I'm pretty conservative and don't give a crap who sleeps with who. The country has more important things to worry about. It's not conservatives but devout members of pretty much any of the major religions that have issues with gays.
I'm gay and been together with my partner for 15 years. At every job prior to my current one, at least one co-worker knew I was gay and in some cases, most co-workers did. Even then I am a private person and don't divulge a lot about my life. My current work environment is VERY conservative though and I've never felt comfortable being out to anyone. I'm starting a new job soon and it just seems ridiculous now at my age to either lie or not be open about myself to co-workers. I still don't plan on giving personal updates to co-workers, but it would nice to just be myself, and part of myself is that I'm gay.
In your current workplace, is it commonplace for gay people to be out and treated normally? I really do mean normally...no awkwardness, no weird treatment because they think you're a novelty, and no standoffishness.
Should I just start right off on my first day and say when my new manager asks where I live, "My partner and I just bought a house in XXXXXX."
In my workplace, I don't know if we have any homosexuals, bi-sexuals or (Other than hetrosexuals) working there. Wouldn't bother me either.
If your asked where you live, say "I live here"...Now if they say "Oh, are you married?" THEN it's ok to say "I am with/married/engaged to such a such"....Volunteering the information is not a requirement.
As a coworker, why should I have unneeded, unwanted, not pertaining to my job duties information about your orientation? I don't gossip, I don't need anything to chew on. [Snip.]
Let people know you first as a person, and when relationships are established, you'll see for yourself whom to talk to about what isn't supposed to be topic for conversations at work at all, and who would consider it totally inappropriate.
You get "unneeded, unwanted, not pertaining to your job duties information about orientation" regarding straight people all the time - family photos on their desk, a mention that "my wife/husband and I did X over the weekend" etc. You may not notice it so much but it's the same information. It's no more inappropriate for someone to share that degree of info if they happen to have a same sex partner. No one is saying that people are going to share the details of their sexual activities.
You get "unneeded, unwanted, not pertaining to your job duties information about orientation" regarding straight people all the time - family photos on their desk, a mention that "my wife/husband and I did X over the weekend" etc. You may not notice it so much but it's the same information.
Exactly. I'm not a big fan of socializing with coworkers, but I can't remember a job where I didn't know the general home situation (single? married? kids?) of everyone in my daily circle within a few months. Not discussing it, or keeping it private, would seem weird to me and might cause gossip and speculation. Who needs that?
As a coworker, why should I have unneeded, unwanted, not pertaining to my job duties information about your orientation? I don't gossip, I don't need anything to chew on. Mod cut.
Let people know you first as a person, and when relationships are established, you'll see for yourself whom to talk to about what isn't supposed to be topic for conversations at work at all, and who would consider it totally inappropriate.
This, and if someone asks where you live you name the city or town.
Try making a good impression to your boss and coworkers with your job skills. That's really all they should care about.
You are there to work not socialize and discuss your private life.
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