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I am moving far away from friends and family for work like a couple states away. Feelings of uncertainty and self doubt. Scared that things won't work out. Don't have a safety net to fall back on. I will be sharing an apartment with someone I have never met before. Ahhh how much more sacrifice do I need to make to get where I want in life. I figure just do one year and get the experience. I feel like just quitting and try to find work closer to home. This option will take longer and I may not get the specialty I want. Has anyone moved really far away for work? Did it ended up working out?
Last edited by FeistyCar7; 02-15-2020 at 08:21 AM..
First, you said you will be sharing an apartment with someone. How will you convince them to let you stay when you do not have a job? Usually, landlords will require you to show proof of employment OR prepay 6-12 months in advance. Roommates, not as strict, will still want someone who has a job already.
So if you're out of work and broke, this is not doable.
Second, you can't apply for the job and THEN move. Employers discriminate against out of state candidates. They don't want to deal with the drama of people's lives being messed up during a move, and they don't want to pay relocation costs.
So you have a catch-22 there unless you got some serious money in the bank to pay rent in advance.
Then there's the part that there are no entry-level jobs, except sales and McJobs that require no experience. If you don't have experience, you have a second catch-22 to deal with.
If you already have a couple of years of experience, then it is worth relocating for a better job. But you have to convince employers to get around the discrimination against out of state candidates part or pay tons of rent in advance.
It would have to be for dang good money to make that kind of leap again for me. Most employers are just itching to get rid of expense at a moment's notice. I would only do a long distance move it was for a federal job. Hell to the no for a private sector job now. Too unstable, too many layoffs and "restructurings" even if the "restructuring" make no sense and help destroy the company
Based on the OP's posting history, I would say he should really seek to fix what is ailing him mentally and emotionally before making any big life changes.
I'm not saying this to insult him, but that if he can't fix what is bothering him, he will never be happy whatever he decides to do in life.
I am moving far away from friends and family for work like a couple states away. Feelings of uncertainty and self doubt. Scared that things won't work out. Don't have a safety net to fall back on. I will be sharing an apartment with someone I have never met before. Ahhh how much more sacrifice do I need to make to get where I want in life. I figure just do one year and get the experience. I feel like just quitting and try to find work closer to home. This option will take longer and I may not get the specialty I want. Has anyone moved really far away for work? Did it ended up working out?
All my jobs have been "far apart" from the previous ones. Moved across the US three times. I've always made those moves alone. Family and friends were usually hundreds if not thousands of miles away. These fears are normal. You either learn to face them or you don't. Every time you do move you learn something new and gain a bit more confidence in yourself. But, there is a first time. Everyone has that first time. Life isn't taking ONE chance and arriving exactly where you want to be. It's doing that over and over and over again.
You will make mistakes, so expect them and deal with the results. Almost all of them will be minor, fixable. Mere inconveniences. Some will turn into great stories you'll look back on and laugh about. Life isn't going to sit and wait for you to get up the nerve to take a chance. Consider if you DO back out and cancel this move (I thought you were already supposed to be in OR by now?) you may beat yourself up about that quite a bit. A lifetime of regret is no fun. That can be a lot harder than facing the unknown. Its not as if you are diving head first into a pond without looking. That's what planning and anticipating predictable "what ifs" are for. Just about any place you move you can research ahead of time. You are moving within the same country, not moving to Mars. Some old sayings:
Can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.
The more you "pay" (in terms of time, effort, money, risk) the more its worth.
No sailor ever learned anything from calm seas.
Last edited by Parnassia; 02-15-2020 at 05:14 PM..
I am moving far away from friends and family for work like a couple states away. Feelings of uncertainty and self doubt. Scared that things won't work out. Don't have a safety net to fall back on. I will be sharing an apartment with someone I have never met before. Ahhh how much more sacrifice do I need to make to get where I want in life. I figure just do one year and get the experience. I feel like just quitting and try to find work closer to home. This option will take longer and I may not get the specialty I want. Has anyone moved really far away for work? Did it ended up working out?
When I was barely twenty-one and decided to totally change career gears after college, small-town me moved to the big city for further schooling and work.
I had only talked to my soon-to-be roommate on the phone a few times (no email for most of us outside of the university system back then and of course, no social media or cell phones), had met him only on the day that I'd come into the city with my mother to meet him, see the apartment that he'd found for us and signed the lease.
Other than my roommate, I knew no one who lived here. It was a fully fresh start and a rare opportunity to make a new life for myself.
Once I moved here, my roommate told me which bus routes to take, where to shop/do laundry/bank and that was it. As we both worked and went to school, I rarely saw him.
Remember: unlike you, I had no internet in my hand to guide me in a new city. Just a whole city to explore and get to know via foot and bus.
Unlike you, I had no car for the first two years of living here, so going home for a visit or seeing my family was a bit more involved than it will be for you. Just knowing that you can hop into the car to head home to "touch base" might be helpful for you even if you don't actually do it.
So how did it work out? I'd say that moving away was one of the best decisions that I ever made for myself. I have a career that I love (even though it is very demanding), have met people from all around the world, have done a fair amount of solo traveling both domestic and internationally. It gave me confidence and a fearlessness of most things that I might not have had had I not taken the "road less taken" for myself.
In short, my life has been a small adventure in many ways--one that I'd never had if I'd opted to stick closer to home after college out of fear (which, to be honest, I didn't have. I've never been fearful of change. A bit of healthy apprehension at first, then it's usually YOLO! for me. )
As for fear of things not working out: you need to do your best to let go of that mindset at it will cripple you in the long run--be it with work or relationships. Start building yourself a financial safety net by automatically saving a small portion of each paycheck starting with the very first one. Once you begin working, you'll meet people with whom you can created a safety net of professional contacts. In time, some of those coworkers and other people who you'll meet in your travels will likely become acquaintances and friends with whom you can build a social safety net for yourself. Give it time for both safety nets to form and grow before throwing up your hands, quitting, and heading back to the familiar security of "known quantities."
When it comes to work, tell yourself that failure is not an option. If things don't work out, cross that bridge when you come to it and recalculate. I've started over many times in my own life. The knot in the pit of your stomach feeling and the swirling, confused thoughts are the worst part. Once you get through those feelings, things generally take a turn for the better if you can gain the presence of mind to take the wheel and steer yourself to a new place.
P.S. I'm glad that you took the steps to find a roommate and didn't use not being able to find a place as a reason to not take your new job and move forward with the part of your life over which you have some modicum of control (i.e., work).
From the tone of most of the threads that you've started, it seems as though you're looking for excuses to *not* move forward with your life. I'm glad that this is one fewer excuse that you have in your mind to not experience growth. Growth often can be uncomfortable; sometimes it's downright painful, but in the long run, it'll do you good.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 02-16-2020 at 06:53 AM..
I moved from a small town to a very big city when I was in my early twenty. I was all by myself. I rented a small room with a sofa bed in a rooming house. At that time there were no computer, cell phone, GPS and such to look up for information like nowadays. I looked for information in the library, through newspapers and listening to the radio. When I moved to the big city, I always had a papered map in my hands to look up for where I needed to go. I was feeling so alone and scared. But I survived anyhow.
To make the long story short, now I have a good job I like, and I like where I live. Sometimes, looking back, I see that if I did not dare to make that move, I would still be in that small town, and there were/are not many opportunities for me to learn, find jobs and have what I have today. Sometimes you have to be brave and adventurous to learn the world and get what you want. No pain, no gain.
Last edited by AnOrdinaryCitizen; 02-16-2020 at 08:09 AM..
I am moving far away from friends and family for work like a couple states away. Feelings of uncertainty and self doubt. Scared that things won't work out. Don't have a safety net to fall back on. I will be sharing an apartment with someone I have never met before. Ahhh how much more sacrifice do I need to make to get where I want in life. I figure just do one year and get the experience. I feel like just quitting and try to find work closer to home. This option will take longer and I may not get the specialty I want. Has anyone moved really far away for work? Did it ended up working out?
learned that moving in with someone you don't know, requires the following:
1. Locking your bedroom door with a strong lock.
2. Keeping finances VERY healthy as they may leave you in a moments notice.
3. Have a van so you're able to transport your goods quickly without renting a large vehicle.
4. Don't get too attached to anything large....
5. Check out the area online as best you can.
People have been doing that successfully for millennia. I moved across the country several times. Small town to big city to small town. First move was well before the internet and smart phones. Sooner or later most of us have to move for a job. Part of life.
I have criss crossed the country, north and south for jobs. Most of the time moving to a city not knowing anyone. I never had to share an apartment with anyone unknown before though. It can be fun but you do miss out of some life stuff. Just depends what kind of person you are are, like to adventure or not.
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