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Vengeance is Mines, The unfathomable voyage of passionate love to candid payback
Growing up, Neisse Abbey thought all men were as rotten to the core as the uncle who verbally molested her. There was Jawaun, her younger cousin, who attempted to rape her outside in broad daylight. She tried to block out all the lewd and lascivious acts that overshadowed her childhood, but her love life was stagnant by unpleasant flashbacks of abuse and torment. She has endured fifteen years of celibacy and she wants nothing more than to permit herself to love a good man. Or so she thinks.
With a 16-year-old prodigy, a master’s degree and career advancement well within reach, thirty-one-year-old Neisse Abbey finally has taken a new direction in her life. She steps out of her comfort zone and clicks on the PC. She flirts with random men on Romance Baptism, an elegantly mastered dating site and finds, G’Andre, a preacher’s son who is a perfect gentle man. Her mail order man convinces her to give up her vow of celibacy. Their short relationship has blossomed into something so sweet and Neisse still gets butterflies six month later.
Shortly after moving in with G’Andre, Neisse’s life begins to unravel right before her eyes. Her diagnoses of cancer and receiving the news her favorite aunt passed was only the start of several unforeseeable events. One day, while using G’Andre’s laptop, she gains access to his email account. Neisse is shocked by the exchange of emails between G'Andre and someone by the screen name of Mahagony_Sweetness, an argument ensues. She losses consciousness and a moment later becomes lucid, while lying on the floor, flashbacks of her childhood saturate her brain. At that moment, she realizes she can no longer trust the preacher’s son. G'Andre has betrayed her and brought back all those atrocious memories she fought so hard to suppress. He is just another rotten man or so she thinks
When G’Andre takes a vacation, Neisse sees an opening to freedom. Her friend changes the locks, but G’Andre returns home unexpectedly and spots her male friend leaving, he assumes that the platonic friendship is much more. He realizes the relationship is over and he unleashes the floodgates of hell upon her by contacting various agencies, which sparks an academic and federal investigation into Neisse's suspicious dealings.
Neisse is determined to salvage her life and she hopes his vindictive jealousy and rage will not kill her spirit. She stares cancer, physical abuse and character assassination in the eyes and fights tooth and nail to survive it all.
By Yours Truly
Thanks for your time and responses to this synposis.
Ok, I see romance baptism is suppose to be romantic baptism. Most people lives are turgid not simple... Why do people think I am embelllishing the truth? Wow, are you criticizing me without examples or direct quotes from the piece? It would be nice to have examples because all the words were looked up in the dictionary. I can't even be defensive because I don't know what you are talking about lol....
Last edited by articulate1; 03-04-2010 at 07:23 PM..
Yes, Vengeance is Mines...That's the title of my book because I thought God told me that rather than Vengeance is Mine. When it was given to me I wanted to get revenge on my ex for destroying my life and having me investigated by the feds. Long story short, this is a true story.
There is different dialect than Standard English, this novel will be written in my dialect and Standard English. I use methophors to describe feelings...
Yes, Vengeance is Mines...That's the title of my book because I thought God told me that rather than Vengeance is Mine. When it was given to me I wanted to get revenge on my ex for destroying my life and having me investigated by the feds. Long story short, this is a true story.
There is different dialect than Standard English, this novel will be written in my dialect and Standard English. I use methophors to describe feelings...
Re Bolded:
1. I'm aware.
2. That is what I was wondering. I think the title works if you are going to write using Black English, especially in dialogue.
Last edited by Mightyqueen801; 03-05-2010 at 06:40 AM..
Reason: Bolded references
You DID ask for our opinion. We can only base a reply on what you wrote, not on what you might someday write.
What you wrote is banal, sophomoric and filled with misusages. I'll repeat that you need to use standard English from a dictionary rather than "your own dialect" if you want anyone to know what the heck you mean - and using "methofores" is a prime example.
Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 03-05-2010 at 10:06 AM..
Reason: Please provide constructive advice, or none at all -- thanks.
Nothing can compare to black dialect... Here's a sample of some of the dialogue... I know it needs a little work... Thanks
Chiitra: Girl, Bishop Chase is a good God-Fearing Brotha.
Neisse: No thanks if the gossip is true, I don’t want any parts of a man who can’t take care of his own child. I can only imagine, why, he's a passenger in the church van.
Shonnie & Neisse: License taken for nonpayment of child support!!! Both said it unisons, grinning from ear to ear.
Chiitra: Y'all can’t judge the man before you know for sho.
Shonnie: Girl, when you pray for a man you have to be specific. I remember three months ago, I asked God, where are all the big dick successful brothas?
Chittra’s crows feet replaced her frown and depicted her mood clear across the restaurant. They say black don’t crack but Chiitra needs Botox Reign thought as she hurried through the wooden door of the restroom.
Chittra: That’s a vulgar way to speak to the almighty. I doubt if single deacons go around praying for double Ds and tight vajay-jays in the mist of the midnight prayer.
.
Last edited by articulate1; 03-05-2010 at 08:38 AM..
A good writer has a voice which makes her work as eclectric as southern cuisine. If you had half of a brain I would be respectful. You live in Utah and you don't look like you would understand. My audience is not elderly white people in nursing homes confine to bed rest for the duration of their natural born lives. If you have never tasted greens with smoke turkey necks PLEASE find someone else to harrass on this forum.
I think they're all being quite hard on you. Yes, as you've said, you realize there are mistakes. Mistakes, especially in writing can be corrected. I understand where you are coming from. That the story will be about overcoming adversity. Not giving up in the face of whatever may come. It has been done a lot so you'll have to make it a bit above par. Stick to your guns. Don't let the masses discourage you. Because in my experience discouragement is an epidemic. Not saying it will be a number one. But if it makes you happy and content, that's all that matters.
I'll probably get ripped for this but... the way the ending could be... all I keep thinking is,
Vengeance is Mines Sayeth the Hordes.
Just a little play on words... so rip away people.
GOOD LUCK!!!
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Harsh & Blunt
Mines
