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Since we have closed the door to domestic foster care adoptions, for the reasons noted in my other thread, we are looking into this remaining option.
Adoption of children from disruption is available through three US agencies that I know of. We are looking at one agency now.
Since we are in the "exploration phase" I thought that I'd put this out there for thee reasons - 1. some parents who are not in the position to afford international adoption, and who have decided that adoption from US foster care in not a good fit for them. 2. some people might not be aware that it exists. and 3. to gather information from anyone who might have additional information about this topic.
Disruption occurs for many reason. I am not going to judge the parents who have made this difficult choice, and my intention in posting this was not to decide wheather it is right or wrong.
I have looked through the myriad of reasons why children are presented for adoption and they are really varied - some families are experiencing catastrophic illnesses, or the death of one parent. Others adopted a child who needs individual attention into a "mega family", where that was impossible. Others just seem to be bad fits.
This is not to be confused with underground "re-homing" of children. Prospective adoptive parents undergo home studies. The arrangement must be approved by the first adoptive families.
From what I have heard, these children are eager for a new start. The adoptive parents may say that they want contact for the first year - but often they do not go through with it, for various reasons.
I realize that these kids have been through quite a bit. However, in almost every instance, the parents and their extended families are not interested in continued contact with the children. Quite the opposite, according to the director of one agency.
Yes. I know it is sad. However, what would be even sadder would be keeping a child who is not getting the attention he or she needs in a family of ten or more, so that you look good to others.
Does anyone else have any experience with this, or find this an interesting option?
I have no experience with this, so I can only offer my own thoughts that are based on nothing of any substance. I, personally, would be extremely leery of adopting someone whose previous adoption had been disrupted. I would have to assume that there must have been some pretty major reasons why someone would go through the very major step of disruption, and it's certainly possible that some condition of the kid (RAD, perhaps?) would be a major contributing factor. And even if the child is completely blameless in every respect, just the fact of having his adoption disrupted is going to introduce major trust issues towards anyone else who wants to become their next "forever family."
All that said, a child whose adoption was disrupted needs to go SOMEWHERE, and if you feel that you are equipped to handle it, more power to you. But I would go into it with eyes wide open, trusting no one (after all, for all you know, the adoptive parents may be desperate to unload the kid and will say anything to get rid of him) without extensive verification.
You probably remember the heartbreaking case of the Dutch diplomat who disrupted the adoption of his Korean-born daughter, apparently out of entirely selfish reasons having nothing to do with the child. So this would be a case where, as far as I know, the child was completely blameless. I don't know whatever happened to her, but it might be helpful to find out how it all went, and use her as an example of what happens in a disruption that was apparently without any kind of just cause. In other words, this may be a "best case" disruption (if one can even use such a phrase to describe such a traumatic event) in that the child is entirely innocent, and thus might be a more suitable candidate for being re-adopted than would a child whose own issues lead to the disruption.
Then, after that, I would look at some less-than-best-case disruptions, and learn what you can from them as well.
Good luck to you. Hopefully someone with concrete experience in this area will chime in.
Sheena, I don't have any personal experience with adoption but do have some knowledge of the dynamics.
I'm confused though. Are you talking about disrupted international adoptions?
Regardless, given your concerns on the other thread, I would tread lightly. While some disruptions may have come about because of unexpected circumstances, I imagine that many of the children would have the same issues as children coming out of the foster care system. Even an "entirely innocent" child can manifest very challenging behaviors if s/he has been shuffled around and ultimately rejected by adoptive parents. I would be especially circumspect of a "bad fit" disruption and would demand details.
I am leery, busman, The same things came to my mind.
However, there are some safeguards in place that make me more comfortable with at least exploring the process as a possible option.
Unlike adoption of an older child from abroad, these children, and their conditions, if any, have been evaluated in the US. Their IQ and potential are available. If they are disabled in anyway, that is not covered up or minimized. Prospective parents with a current home study are permitted access to all health, medical and academic records.
Nothing will be "lost in translation". And children with RAD are identified.
Some of the many reasons adoptions are disrupted have nothing to do with the child and everything to do with the adoptive family. One boy was adopted along with three other 8 year olds. Another, was adopted into a family of children who all had major physical disabilities and was "lost in the shuffle".
So, in reading these cases, I did not see that in any case - it was the "fault" of the child. There were families with a huge amount of children (recurring theme) and others who wanted to work outside the home full time.
It sounds interesting. I have heard of it but haven't read much on it. I think in your case, Sheena, that you probably have enough parenting experience to know what may or may not work.
Those families that seem to hoard children tend to disturb me. It becomes more of an institutional living situation than a home. I have read and seen such "families" and while better than an orphanage, most children need more individual attention than what is available. I shutter when I see families with multiple numbers of children with developmental disabilities and they seem to be able to shake the bushes and find children that were never openly available.
I do think people sometimes have high expectations when adopting, how perfect everything will be. A lot of people don't understand the differences in cultures and even that can be a major adjustment. (My son married a Filipino woman with a 4 year old son about 11 years ago.)
It sounds interesting. Hope you find something that works. We had a friend that adopted 3 siblings from the state foster care system after they raised their first family. They were in their 50s and the kids were 2, 4 & 6. Ah, not for me but I think there is something for everyone out there if they have an interest in providing a home for someone needing a home.
It sounds interesting. I have heard of it but haven't read much on it. I think in your case, Sheena, that you probably have enough parenting experience to know what may or may not work.
Those families that seem to hoard children tend to disturb me. It becomes more of an institutional living situation than a home. I have read and seen such "families" and while better than an orphanage, most children need more individual attention than what is available. I shutter when I see families with multiple numbers of children with developmental disabilities and they seem to be able to shake the bushes and find children that were never openly available.
I do think people sometimes have high expectations when adopting, how perfect everything will be. A lot of people don't understand the differences in cultures and even that can be a major adjustment. (My son married a Filipino woman with a 4 year old son about 11 years ago.)
It sounds interesting. Hope you find something that works. We had a friend that adopted 3 siblings from the state foster care system after they raised their first family. They were in their 50s and the kids were 2, 4 & 6. Ah, not for me but I think there is something for everyone out there if they have an interest in providing a home for someone needing a home.
That is exactly what my thoughts were - these people - the families - appeared to be child hoarders. One adopted three 8 year old boys at the same time.
It seems that they are creating group home or orphanage situations in their own homes. I am not completely against larger families. However, they should be spaced and not done for the reason of attracting attention.
Sadly, I think that some people adopt for those reasons. Some countries have a child limit. No more than eight, for example. I think that is reasonable.
I also shudder to think about families who adopt multiple children with severe disabilities. How are they improving this child's life when there are five or six kids in the home with the same disorder? I also find it strange when a family is disrupting an adoption because they adopted one child without developmental or physical problems - and that child needs "too much attention". It seems as though they perceive DD children as "easy" because they have less ability to speak out and to complain.
Then there are the SSD checks. With many disabled children, this could amount to quite a lot of money.
It's really chilling to me.
We are just exploring this option right now. So far, it has met one criteria - we do not need to continue contact with anyone - biological or adoptive. Also, in the world of adoption, it is relatively inexpensive.
If any one is interested in looking into this, I have the names of a few agencies. Send me a direct message.
I was curious about the subject so went into a forum about adoption disruption. In my opinion, they should have read the book we were told to read "High Risk: Children Without A Conscience" and I think that reading it should be required of anyone that is going to adopt. If you can read that book and not say "Well, I am sure that would never happen with any child we would adopt." Then I think that a person is adoption ready. I was horrified by reading the book and had to regroup for a bite before going forward.
It was sort of strange because it was so much like our pet section here at C-D when a pet isn't working out and the person doesn't want to keep the pet. It was the same in the way that I always feel like a person did not do the research. They jumped into something without the knowledge they needed. It is SO hard to get people to look at all aspects of something.
It is always best to not keep a living thing when you don't want it but, still, you do your homework before hand.
I know that people that have adopted before know this. So much information on the internet for the taking.
Seriously, anyone considering adopting a child needs to read the book I mentioned.
I know several people who have adopted from disruption, and it's almost always worked very well. The second family is often times the right family for the child. You also have much more access to health, behavioral, and psychological records after they're in the U.S.
Not all children are disrupted due to RAD or serious behavioral concerns, either. It is something one has to go into with both eyes open, though. The agency with the very public Facebook page doesn't list all of the "concerns" a child has on the page for obvious privacy issues, but will be very open and forthcoming if you contact them.
You probably remember the heartbreaking case of the Dutch diplomat who disrupted the adoption of his Korean-born daughter, apparently out of entirely selfish reasons having nothing to do with the child. So this would be a case where, as far as I know, the child was completely blameless. I don't know whatever happened to her, but it might be helpful to find out how it all went, and use her as an example of what happens in a disruption that was apparently without any kind of just cause. In other words, this may be a "best case" disruption (if one can even use such a phrase to describe such a traumatic event) in that the child is entirely innocent, and thus might be a more suitable candidate for being re-adopted than would a child whose own issues lead to the disruption.
There was more going on there - turns out he was a spy for Russian and is now in jail. I would not be surprised if that was in some way linked to the disrupted adoption - a Dutch family raising an Asian daughter would be much more identifiable, which is presumably a bad thing for a spy!
As for the OP's question, I have no particular experience or expertise, but hope that you get the appropriate guidance and support to determine if this is the right path for you, and I wish you nothing but the best of luck, whatever your path brings.
I am not familiar with this "disruption" term but have extensive experience with foster and adoption both as an adoptee and as an adoptive parent. Off the cuff, looks and sounds like a feel good term for re-homing children.
Please look into trauma based care if you are not familiar with the term and consider the trauma that this situation may cause. While appearing good on a short term basis, there may be issues that do not appear until long after the dust settles.
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