Confusion about the dating scene in the capital district, advice would be appreciated (Albany: low income, fit in)
Albany areaAlbany - Schenectady - Troy - Saratoga Springs metro area
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Say you're a transplant from somewhere else, you're a student, you have a bit of residual social anxiety and developmental trauma, you want to meet decent, open minded, educated and physically attractive women in their 20s? You have a difficult time opening up to people because of said developmental trauma?
What is the best way to meet decent women in the capital district outside of the bar scene? I have tried that and do not find anything that appeals to me there beyond the skin deep, exterior beauty.
I mean yes, I do want external beauty, but not JUST that. I want it augmented by the inner beauty as well.
More about me:
Male, 20s, working class (lower income unfortunately, about 25,000$ annually). Decent looking, good health, lean, semi-muscular, educated in biology and philosophy. Currently training in martial arts (for self disciplinary purposes, not to be the Alpha male on the block).
How difficult is it to meet women in this area given the combination of variables I present? Does being a lower income caucasian make it very difficult?
Occasionally I see attractive women on the CDTA buses but that is an awkward as hell scenario and they seem very uncomfortable to be on the bus to begin with, so that's probably out.
Is it a wrong observation of mine that many white women in the area are attracted to 'tough guy' types? Or have "jungle fever"?
I am not asking these questions to be ridiculous or race specific. I am asking because I am really genuinely curious about it.
Do they expect caucasian guys to be established? Have a car? Have money?
Another question that may seem ridiculous at the surface but is actually a real curiosity of mine because the behavior of women here is far different than other states I have lived in, specifically in that I see a lot of women here with "tough" guys. In my previous location I dated a few Asian women and white women who preferred education and general health over the "tough guy" thing, so I am rather confused by Albany and its male/female relations. As it almost seems backwards compared to previous locations.
I often feel quite Alienated here as a matter of fact because I don't really fit in with either my caucasian student peers, due to being from a low income background nor the African American populace due to experiencing life from a different ethnical disposition, nor the asian demographic because they tend to stick within their circles. So I really have no idea which direction to turn in.
On the one hand I am urban and street wise, on the other I am educated and book smart. One would think it is the perfect balance to survive in todays world but it actually has me rather confused in the romance circuit.
I can't stand women who "talk ghetto". Sorry if that sounds judgmental but it does not attract me at all. It is purely a biological perspective. I hear them and I am turned off immensely. I think they sound like men, but that's just me.
On the other hand I feel Alienated from educated women also because they seem to only want men with money. So I am "stuck between a rock and a hard place" (to quote something my grandma use to say).
I just want some advice from people who are familiar with the dating/romance circuit in the capital district, relative to what I say.
Here is one more piece of (hopefully) helpful information.
Often I will meet a sweet, pretty and open hearted girl. She may "seem to" like me. We have amazing conversation, and it seems to be headed in the right direction, but something is blocking me from taking the next step, making the next move. And they usually end up with an uneducated jerk who mistreats them. Or end up with some guy who looks "tough" whether he is or not. And thus the Dilemma.
Well for one, I'd put less of an emphasis on race. I don't know why that's such a big issue. Second, I'd be less picky if I were you. Even if you don't find the most perfect woman to date, you can still find some good friends. And believe me, friends don't have to be perfect either.
Other than that I would join a few clubs if I were you. There's an Albany young professionals club that might be a good fit. Go to Meetup.com to find some interesting clubs to join. There's a hiking club, a singles club, a movie club, a Trekkie club, whatever strikes your fancy. Just don't join clubs with solely the intent to meet people. Go there to have fun first, and meet people second.
Other then that you can try dating sites. Various dating sites have a filter where you can pick out educated, college graduates, etc. POF.com is free and is a good start.
If you're interested in sports at all there are various softball, kickball, flag football groups you can join. They all go out and at and then have a beer afterwards.
If you're interested in in more educational affairs UAlbany and St. Rose host a bunch of lectures from authors frequently. Alloveralbany.com lists these events and more at the start and end of every week.
Again, at the end of the day, don't do any of these things with the sole intent of looking to find a girl to date/marry. Do these things to have fun. The girls will come eventually, just keep yourself open and friendly.
Well for one, I'd put less of an emphasis on race.
Can you tell me where I emphasized race? I was asking questions based on curiosity and things I have noticed with my two eyes. Not to specifically point out race issues. As I have said, i've dated Asian women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hock41
Second, I'd be less picky if I were you.
Why? I am not trying to find a 'perfect' woman. Just one I am both physically and mentally attracted to. I do not think this is being 'picky' so much as realistic.
I do not want a woman who does not take physical care of herself when I am at the Gym every other day, or doing martial arts several days a week. I don't want a woman who I am biologically un-attracted to. That would make me miserable. I do not think this is being overly 'picky'. Nor wanting one who is feminine as opposed to manly.
She doesn't have to be super fit, just fit enough to be physically attracted to. And educated enough for me to have a decent connection with there as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hock41
Even if you don't find the most perfect woman to date, you can still find some good friends.
But my Libido is not asking about friends, it is asking about women in a romantic context.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hock41
Other then that you can try dating sites.
I do not think people should have to pay to meet other people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hock41
Again, at the end of the day, don't do any of these things with the sole intent of looking to find a girl to date/marry. Do these things to have fun. The girls will come eventually, just keep yourself open and friendly.
I am not doing anything to meet women specifically. I just find my Libido is running wild lately due to a little less contact with women than I need so figured I would ask some advice...
Really, more than anything what I seek is connection with women I am both physically and Mentally attracted to. Whether for dating or just exploring romantically.
Why don't you join one of the sites and find out for yourself. User hock41 gave you several other suggestions as well but you seem unwilling to try those.
Why don't you join one of the sites and find out for yourself. User hock41 gave you several other suggestions as well but you seem unwilling to try those.
Having zero standards you mean? lol
No thanks. I still think that, despite my social anxiety, I am worth what I want.
Unless you are comfortable with yourself you will find it hard to be comfortable with someone else or make someone else feel like they can be comfortable with you.
You "may have standards" but why the hell would a hot girl whos got a lot to offer go after some socially awkward guy when there are 10 more who have everything you have to offer AND can make them laugh/feel comfortable/have a good time with them?
Agree. You have gotten some really good suggestions on how to meet women. And if you're a single college student, not sure what is standing in your way. Seems like you already have a set of beliefs about the available women in Albany. If you're lower income, and the available women want more money, you need to get more money. If you're "biologically" attracted to only educated, white and asian, "non-ghetto talking" women, you need to do whatever you need to do so you're in the company of those types.
If I were a guy and I saw a cute girl on a bus, I'd talk to her in a non-creepy way. It is possible. I think your social anxiety is getting in your way there.
Maybe some of those "ghetto talkers" aren't ghetto at all. Perhaps they're just really good code switchers.
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What does having standards have anything to do with meeting people online and/or the methods that hock suggested?
