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As I write this, I'm watching my father sleep. He's losing his battle with cancer and the doctor doesn't think he'll make it to New Years.
Both my father and I are nonbelievers-Ive considered myself to be both and atheist and agnostic through the years.
I'm the type who will argue up and down that I cant believe in an afterlife because it doesn't seem scientifically feasible. But at this very sad time, I desperately want to think that when my dad finally goes, he'll go somewhere great where his consciousness will live forever. I realize that what I want isnt necessarily what is.
For the other non believers out there, how do you cope with death? What can I say to him to calm his fears? I need something now because I hate to think that this great man will be lost forever
Has he given any indication that he wants some kind of immortality? Is he expressing fear? Is he specific about his fears?
I think you should follow his lead, whatever it is. Time to wrestle with your feelings later, for now, he needs you to simply love him and hold him. Many people at the point of death need to know that their loved ones will be OK. Talk to him about how beautiful he is to you, and how grateful you are to have been his son. Tell him that if there is a burden on his mind, you'd like to help him by sharing it.
My agnostic dad had a catholic priest officiating at his funeral. The priest was great, walking the line between his own clearly religious beliefs and the religious beliefs of our relatives, and the equally clear picture of my dad's non-belief. The priest said something then that I found immensely comforting - Rusty hasn't gone anywhere, he's right where he's always been, in your minds and hearts.
Whatever it is we are part of, we've always been part of it. We can't not be a part of it.
You live on as long as there is someone alive who still remembers you.
You also live on as long as you did something in your life that continues to have an impact on people that are still alive.
That thing can literally be anything... a device, a thought, words or a song...
I'm pretty sure I have the first one locked up into the next century unless the robots take over.
As an atheist, it gives me a lot of comfort to know that death will bring peace and an end to pain, sadness, and all the other cares and worries of life. That's the only promise I need to ease my mind.
Perhaps talking with your father about the times you shared and the things you learned from him - what he's leaving behind - will alleviate some of him anxiety. Having said that, if talk of heaven will make him feel better in any way, I say go for it. At this point the truth doesn't matter as much as comforting him.
Very sorry you're going through this, especially at this time of year.
For what it's worth, I believe there is a Heaven. If I am wrong, I'll never know it, but if I'm right, I'll live forever. It's a win-win situation for me. Good luck to Ya'll.
Pascal's Wager never was any good. Even Pascal said so.
You say you want to help calm his fears. Has he expressed any? It would seem that if he has been an atheist he may have already resolved what is or isn't going to be happening after he dies. The process of death may be making him anxious?
Be there, let him know you love him, listen if he wants to talk.
Has he given any indication that he wants some kind of immortality? Is he expressing fear? Is he specific about his fears?
I think you should follow his lead, whatever it is. Time to wrestle with your feelings later, for now, he needs you to simply love him and hold him. Many people at the point of death need to know that their loved ones will be OK. Talk to him about how beautiful he is to you, and how grateful you are to have been his son. Tell him that if there is a burden on his mind, you'd like to help him by sharing it.
My agnostic dad had a catholic priest officiating at his funeral. The priest was great, walking the line between his own clearly religious beliefs and the religious beliefs of our relatives, and the equally clear picture of my dad's non-belief. The priest said something then that I found immensely comforting - Rusty hasn't gone anywhere, he's right where he's always been, in your minds and hearts.
Whatever it is we are part of, we've always been part of it. We can't not be a part of it.
Thank you everyone for your kind words.
Think I was just having a moment of weakness yesterday.
Just like with your dad, my dad wants to have a rabbi administer the ceremony, even though he left the religion long ago. I think he kept some of the culture, however.
I was chatting with my mom a few days ago and she was upset. She asked me if when Dad dies, he would see her parents. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the answer is probably 'no'. I went along with it and it seemed to make her feel better.
I guess for me, the scariest thing about rejecting religion and faith has been how I deal with death. I just can't comprehend "eternal nothingness" and I'm not sure if my dad can either. Whenever someone mentions anything to him about the afterlife (mainly my mother and my sister), he usually keeps quiet. I think he doesn't want to hurt their feelings either.
Think I was just having a moment of weakness yesterday.
Just like with your dad, my dad wants to have a rabbi administer the ceremony, even though he left the religion long ago. I think he kept some of the culture, however.
I was chatting with my mom a few days ago and she was upset. She asked me if when Dad dies, he would see her parents. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the answer is probably 'no'. I went along with it and it seemed to make her feel better.
I guess for me, the scariest thing about rejecting religion and faith has been how I deal with death. I just can't comprehend "eternal nothingness" and I'm not sure if my dad can either. Whenever someone mentions anything to him about the afterlife (mainly my mother and my sister), he usually keeps quiet. I think he doesn't want to hurt their feelings either.
8s thete even an afterlife in the Jewish religion? My parents never mentioned one and it was at least a decade after my father's death that I asked my mother if Dad had any belief or if she did either. I don't think my siblings believe in a God so if not there was not the pressure you may be feeling from your family. Stay strong, be true to your self, be supportive of your father and kind to your relatives. But most of all be there for your father as he is the one that counts in this occasion. In my case I did not stay with ,Y father as we had never been close and my brother, sister, mother, uncles and aunts were there for him. No regrets as I was there just before he was bed ridden and we said our goodbyes and I think he was in better company with those he liked better. No regrets.
My father had a Jewish ceremony at the grave side and it was cold as it was early December in Alberta.
For the other non believers out there, how do you cope with death? What can I say to him to calm his fears? I need something now because I hate to think that this great man will be lost forever
For many of us it is a hard question to answer because many of us do not see a need to "cope" with it in the first place. We simply accept it in the same way we accept anything else. Life is something we sometimes have to cope with. Death not so much. I have zero fear of death whatsoever. The actual dying part - more so an issue.
As I write this, I'm watching my father sleep. He's losing his battle with cancer and the doctor doesn't think he'll make it to New Years.
Both my father and I are nonbelievers-Ive considered myself to be both and atheist and agnostic through the years.
I'm the type who will argue up and down that I cant believe in an afterlife because it doesn't seem scientifically feasible. But at this very sad time, I desperately want to think that when my dad finally goes, he'll go somewhere great where his consciousness will live forever. I realize that what I want isnt necessarily what is.
For the other non believers out there, how do you cope with death? What can I say to him to calm his fears? I need something now because I hate to think that this great man will be lost forever
There is no good way to sugarcoat death, and no reason to try. I am 70 years old, and I had a stroke earlier this year. So the whole concept of death suddenly became very real. Was I afraid to be dead? Well, I would be DEAD, so how could I be afraid? Would I miss my loved ones? Same answer. I could imagine that my loved ones might miss me, but I assume that they will continued on without me. Because that's how it works, and there is no other alternative.
I finally concluded that the thing that concerned me most about the prospect of being dead was that if I died I would never know how my favorite baseball team finished the season. But I didn't die. So the answer I now know is, second to last in their division.
That's pretty depressing, and if I no longer existed, I wouldn't have to know that. Which is about as much sugar coating as I can come up with.
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