Kids and Yes/No Ma'am and Yes/No Sir (Atlanta: buy, live)

[LovelySummer]

So, from these posts, it seems that the assumption here in Atlanta is that if a child does not say "ma'am/sir," people will think that the child does not have manners.

Ok, this is what I wanted to know.

Just for the record, not saying "ma'am/sir" does not mean that a child does not have manners. Children don't do it in Chicago and I've never heard it done anywhere else in the country except the South. This is why I thought it was a Southern thing. In Chicago, you are taught not to address adults by first name. Hence, my friends called my Mom, Ms. [last name] and my Dad Mr. [last name] OR they could simply say "yes/no" if asked a question. they didn't have to say "yes, ms [last name], no ms [last name] - that's unnecssary. If you were talking to the cashier at the store, you'd say "yes/no". "yes/no Ms." is not required and in fact, sometimes reserved for when you are trying to be a smartmouth. Kind of like "yes/no lady."

Finally, someone said "when in Rome." This assumes that Atlanta is a place in which yes/no ma'am/sir is still the custom. But if I don't know the answer to this question (hence the reason that I ASKED), how can I know exactly WHAT is done "when in Rome"? See, makes no sense.

Thanks everyone for your feedback.























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[LovelySummer]

Exactly. I am familiar with Harvey. Only, when I worked at Church's as a teenager, we were never told to call customers "ma'am/sir." Literally, the first time I heard it used was when we moved to Atlanta and random kids started calling my mother "ma'am." She found it interesting but she is super nice and just smiled and went with it.

Originally Posted by ThreeSides

I grew up in Harvey, Il. We did not say it in our house either.

I don't want to generalize, however; the use of the words seems to be regional. The use is very prevalent in Memphis, VERY. We moved to Peoria, Il after living in Memphis. My use of sir/ ma'am was met with disdain. It was culturally unacceptable. My co-workers did warm up to being called sir/ ma'am after some time, however.

As an adult, I do NOT want to be called player, pimp, dog, or any pejorative term by anyone. Especially a child! Therefore, sir is appropriate. Yes, we teach our three to call adults sir/ ma'am. That said, if a child appropriately responds yes/ no, without sir/ ma'am, it is NOT indicative of bad or a lack of manners.

[LovelySummer]

I would not characterize telling someone to stop calling me "ma'am" as "freaking out." However, it is annoying if we are having a conversation, however short, and everytime the person responds to me, the person says "ma'am." Teenagers do this to me all the time. Yes, it's annoying. It's like they have been taught that they cannot make a statement wout adding "ma'am" on to the end. Same thing when I call Delta Airlines and I get a rep. Everytime they read a flight number or something, the person says "ma'am." At the end. They just don't have to go through that trouble with me. I know you respect me by the way you are exchanging with me in a cordial and informative or pleasant manner. I don't need the "ma'am" as proof that you are being respectful. I don't equate "ma'am/sir" with respect. I equate how you treat me with respect. So, if I call a governmental agency and am getting the runaround and much attitude, but you call me "ma'am," which undoubtably happens, I don't equate that situation with respect. On the flip side, it's just not necessary for me. I'm not 100 years old. For me, it's a term for an old woman or an old man.

Originally Posted by syracusa

I would not expect the kid to say "yes sir/no sir" at all times, like an automaton, if this is not how he was raised, but neither would I freak out if locals were saying to me "yes ma'am" at the end of "every freaking sentence". This is THEIR custom, THEIR way of addressing someone and it is perfectly fine.

[Charlotteborn]

I wouldn't teach my child anything that I felt was unnecessary and annoying...

What difference does it make what anyone else thinks?

[jeoff]

I think children should use some term of respect when talking to adults.
I grew up in Atlanta, and did not learn to say Sir and Ma'm, but I also would never call an adult by their first name. Adults were "Mr.", "Mrs.", Miss. (last-name) Adults that were good friends of my parents were "Aunt" and "Uncle" (first-name). I have parents occasionally intorduce me to their kids by my first name, and it seems a little inappropriate. My boys say sir and Ma'm, but I didn't teach it to them. They have spent most of their life in Athens, Ga..

[LovelySummer]

I don't want people to think that he doesn't have manners. According to this thread, people in Atlanta (at least those on this thread) equate "ma'am/sir" with having manners and being polite.

Originally Posted by Charlotteborn

I wouldn't teach my child anything that I felt was unnecessary and annoying...

What difference does it make what anyone else thinks?

[LovelySummer]

This is how we were raised - Ms. [last name], Mr. [last name]
I don't even let my niece call me by my first name. It's interesting that you didn't teach it to your boys. I imagine that even if I didn't specifically teach it, my son would learn the ins and outs of it.

Originally Posted by jeoff

I think children should use some term of respect when talking to adults.
I grew up in Atlanta, and did not learn to say Sir and Ma'm, but I also would never call an adult by their first name. Adults were "Mr.", "Mrs.", Miss. (last-name) Adults that were good friends of my parents were "Aunt" and "Uncle" (first-name). I have parents occasionally intorduce me to their kids by my first name, and it seems a little inappropriate. My boys say sir and Ma'm, but I didn't teach it to them. They have spent most of their life in Athens, Ga..

[Bama1787]

I wouldn't treat it as a regional issue. I think it's always beneficial for a kid to learn as many proper manners as possible. This will benefit them later in life. As a kid in the 90's, I was scolded if I ever said "yeah" to an adult. Even family friends and members of the community would be quick to correct a child that did not address an adult properly.

As a young adult, I still address all adults with "mam" and "sir" unless they are noticeably younger than me. It makes a good impression on your superiors and presents you as a respectful, courteous individual.

[AnsleyPark]

Originally Posted by Charlotteborn

What difference does it make what anyone else thinks?

In the business world, and in the world in general, it can make a very big difference. Whether you win the customer. Whether you get a win in a transaction. Whether you can sell your new idea to your company's brass. Whether your neighbor will keep a good eye on your house when youre out of town. Yes, it makes a huge difference.

[arjay57]

Originally Posted by LovelySummer

So, from these posts, it seems that the assumption here in Atlanta is that if a child does not say "ma'am/sir," people will think that the child does not have manners.

I don't believe the failure to say sir and ma'am is equated with "not having manners."

At the same time, I give props to people who do, both adults and children. I do it personally because to me it conveys that you are granting dignity and respect to the other person.

But that is my personal choice.