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So often it seems that some people (of any large group) have to feel like part of the "in crowd". The problem with this is that it means there has to be other people to alienate. Since you are in the minority it makes you an easy target, unfortunately. It's just like how young kids can act when someone doesn't fit the mold of what they are used to.
I can see the irony that people who know how it feels to be discriminated against still discriminate against others. It may be their way of creating protection against being discriminated against again (not a good way but a way). Basically, if you are the bully you are not being bullied.
I am sure there are nice (non-racist) guys in the gay community here but to find them you have to start blocking out the others. Once you start noticing a certain (especially negative) behavior you begin to filter what you see. All of a sudden small things that you wouldn't have noticed before become big, glaring problems. Try focusing on all the good people and nice interactions you have next time you are in the gay community and try to let the negative ones wash off your back (hard to do I know). Eventually you may start to notice positive things you hadn't before and just have an overall better time.
I had to do this in a school program I was in- almost dropped out because I just felt like I didn't fit in and was being singled out. A professor gave me this advice and it really helped. Once aware of my filters I was able to change them. Made my program much easier for me to finish and I actually made a good core group of friends in the process.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I am sorry you are feeling this way. Also, keep letting people know how you feel. Maybe someone will read it and actually say something to the next guy they hear making a racist comment. All because of your post.
LoL, when you get an answer to this question please explain to me gay republicans...if that isn't a topic that should cause a rip in the space time continuum...
I'm a 25 year old gay Asian male, and I have noted innumerable instances of racism and discriminatory attitudes frequently directed at non-white gay men by gay white men.
Really? I find this hard to believe. Straight white guys tend to love Asian women - perhaps more so than their white chick counterparts. Even the book "The Hipster Handbook" makes reference to this phenomena. And hipsters make up at least 20% of Austin.
Disclaimer: I was hesitant to bring this up because it's a very uncomfortable subject, but I really needed to get it off my chest. More importantly, I think talking about and acknowledging the ugly realities of racism within the gay community is the only way to a solution.
I'm a 25 year old gay Asian male, and I have noted innumerable instances of racism and discriminatory attitudes frequently directed at non-white gay men by gay white men.
To clarify, I'm not talking about sexual partners or hookups. I'm referring to the method by which many gay men select, or exclude friends or platonic relationships. Sadly, I've noted that many gay white men in Austin will exclude non-white from their social circles and the reason for such exclusion is because the individual is not white.
Perhaps this goes more with the superficiality of gays in general in that gay men do not like to associate with people they deem unattractive, and because minorities are almost always viewed as less desirable in the gay community, they are shunned. (This is an entirely different ugly subject that I could get into, but I won't).
When I hang out with straight people, my ethnicity rarely acts as a barrier in interactions. When one friend introduces me to another in a conversation, I'm not dismissed because of my ethnicity. It seems that overall, "straight society" (if one could even call it that) is a lot more color-blind than "gay society."
Hanging out with gays, though, my ethnic background has become a huge liability. First, at gay bars, bartenders frequently ignore minorities that have been waiting and go straight to the white guy that cut in line.
I once saw this happen to a black guy, who calmly asked why he was ignored, while several white guys were served drinks before him, even though he had been standing there longer. I was shocked when he was grabbed from behind and forcefully removed from the premises.
Now, when I go out to the clubs I have a white friend accompany me to the bar just so we can get our drinks without waiting endlessly. Secondly, when I talk to a friend and he introduces me to a group of friends, there are usually always a few that roll their eyes and give me this fake, dismissive "hi."
However, if a white friend were being introduced, these same people would receive that friend a lot more warmly. Typically, I would expect this sort of behavior if the person were actually hot, but more often than not, the offenders are fairly average (and not to sound conceited, but I'd be way out of their league).
However, I never really voiced these concerns because I thought maybe it was just me over-thinking things and perceiving something pernicious that wasn't actually so.
Whatever confusion may have existed was cleared up a few weeks ago. While at a local gay bar here in Austin waiting for a drink, I overheard this voice making comments to his friend about how there were too many Asians, and how Asians needed to go. I looked around--I was the only Asian person in sight. I ignored it.
Then when I met up with a friend, the same guy who was making the comments walks up to my friend, mumbles something about Asians in his ear while glaring at me, then walks away while saying loudly "you know it's the truth." The only thing going through my head was "This can't be happening".
But then it really hit me: this is completely acceptable behavior for gays. The one thing I commend about the guy making the anti-Asian comments was that he at least owned it. He probably doesn't deny being racist.
I'm all for freedom of association, but I'd rather people own up to their behavior and admit it than find some pretext excuse. It irritates me when people sharing those same racist views rationalize their behaviors and remove themselves from the "racist" label. I have to admit, ever since then, my desire to go out really became nonexistent.
Just to note: these racist behaviors are not just limited to "bar culture". I've received the same dismissive attitude from white guys in gay sports leagues, interest groups, and even at large community gatherings, like the annual AIDs gala. It's part of the reason, I suppose, that it's rare to see a single non-white gay guy a part of these organizations.
I've spoken with many other gay Asian, black, dark Latino, and Indian men in Austin and the experiences have all been the same. In Austin, we just don't feel like we are regarded as equal members of the gay community.
Sadly, the culprits perpetuating this exclusion are mostly gay white men.
Thoughts?
Certainly interesting.
I don't know the Austin gay white scene at all. ZERO.
But, as a white male, I can think of many, many, many situations where others were served before me at a crowded bar, despite the fact I was waiting in line a long time.
I've also had countless upon countless of times where someone introduced me to other people, only to have the other person not seem all that interested in me.
(Of course other times it hasn't been that way, as well. But, I think most people feel the way you feel about most casual encounters like that).
I can also think of the thousands of times that I wanted to talk to my friend, only to have some third person being introduced, and me feeling bad I have to ignore him (or her) slightly, because I was looking forward to talking to my old friend for awhile, etc.
I'm educating everyone that racism sucks. Why should I be silenced? Because it makes some gay white men uncomfortable? I do not need a white friend to fulfill a dream. Rather, if you go to a gay bar or event here, it will likely be 90% white. If you are a gay minority, you have interact with white men. I am simply stating what my experiences have been like in these predominately white settings.
I already have moved on. I just find it hypocritical that a group as discriminated/hated as gays are can turn around and practice the behavior they so detest.
And straight people (at least ones my age) do not largely dismiss friends on the basis of race. That's the key distinction here.
The truth is, many people are hypocritical. We just don't like to admit it . There are issues I'm sure someone could call me to the carpet on. And I'm fairly confident in saying there are likely ways in which you are a hypocrite too.
Yup, you would think that someone who had been discriminated against would discriminate against no one. But that just isn't usually the case. A woman who was very overweight was talking condescendingly about a skinny girl in our work group when she left the table. You would think that she, more than anyone, would understand how hurtful it was to be judged by weight--large or small--, but nope. I read posts from men all the time who complain that a certain woman they want won't give them attention for xyz, but then they turn around and dismiss other women for reasons that seem equally petty.
It's my hope that as time goes on, we all get a little smarter about things and a little more compassionate. But you're right, that there will always be some jerks out there. That's really nothing unique to being gay or a minority. I could name several things about me that I feel some people judge unfairly or joke about in casual conversation as if such a thing doesn't hurt my feelings. It is what it is. At some point we have to make a conscious decision to leave the jerks behind and surround ourselves with people who are more compassionate.
A woman who was very overweight was talking condescendingly about a skinny girl in our work group when she left the table. You would think that she, more than anyone, would understand how hurtful it was to be judged by weight--large or small--, but nope.
Because YOU opened this topic up for discussion. Now you want to dismiss opinions because those giving them aren't like you? Now who is being discriminatory?
For the record, my wife and I have a very close gay friend who is involved in the local Austin gay scene. He said he didn't notice anymore racism from the gay community than he did from the straight. Be he did notice it from both.
Explain to me how a straight male, who by the way, hasn't mentioned spending any significant amount of time around gay men, can speak authoritatively on whether or not gay people are more racist than straight?
I find that incredibly arrogant and offensive.
Frankly, sam321 can formulate as many "opinions" as he wants, it does not validate them as factual.
Furthermore, is your gay friend a minority or is he white? If he is white, do you really think he's going to experience racism the way a person of color would?
It is a flaw in human nature. Some kind of tribal instinct. People pick on those who are different, they use it to set themselves up as being better then others who are usually in the minority. Race is commonly the difference selected, but in communities where most everyone is the same race, they set themselves aside based on religion, my religion is better then your religion, English are better then Irish, my school is better then your school, the wealthy are better then the poor, you live on the wrong side of town, a townie is better then a hayseed, a rancher is better then a sheep herder. etc., etc.
Really? I find this hard to believe. Straight white guys tend to love Asian women - perhaps more so than their white chick counterparts. Even the book "The Hipster Handbook" makes reference to this phenomena. And hipsters make up at least 20% of Austin.
The stereotypes Western culture has of Asian men and Asian women are different. In this trope, Asian women are sexy and exotic, Asian men are small and nerdy. (And that's not to say that being perceived as "sexy and exotic" doesn't carry its own negative baggage.) While Hollywood can produce a Daniel Dae Kim, it's rare. Generally, Hollywood portrays Asian men as sexless kung-fu stars (Jackie Chan, Jet Li, etc.) or as objects of laughs (Ken Jeong). You can explore more about the dilemma here:
Society’s Stereotyping of Asian-American Men Can Lead to Self-Loathing*|*The Guardian (http://www.ucsdguardian.org/focus/societysstereotypingofasianamericanmencanleadtosel floathing/ - broken link)
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. There are issues I'm sure someone could call me to the carpet on. And I'm fairly confident in saying there are likely ways in which you are a hypocrite too. 
