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My brother was diagnosed with esophagal cancer last July after they perforated his esophagas during the scope leading to emergency surgery. Had to remove all though Doctor had said if it had not been perforated they would of shrunk with radiation & chemo first...
Fast foward to this July..he had a Pet Scan 4 months ago that showed some shadows they attributed to scar tissue...
Pet scan last week ..more shadows..in the abdominal cavity lining, biopsied & of course they were positive, to widespread for surgery or radiation. Hmmm this happened in 4 months I think his care was mismanaged from the get go but that's another long story
Prognosis if he doesn't take more chemo significantly less then 6 months, if he takes chemo best case 1 year.
How do I deal with this..it's making me ill so I can only imagine what it is doing to him.....any guidelines for when I talk to him or visit...I just don't know what to say or do..
How do I deal with this..it's making me ill so I can only imagine what it is doing to him.....any guidelines for when I talk to him or visit...I just don't know what to say or do..
My BFF "Heart-Sister" lost her Father to throat cancer and she had the same concerns/fears as you... This is what I told her:
It WILL be hard for you to see him go through this, but you will NOT regret spending as much time as you can with him. Let him "lead" during your visits... If he wants to talk about his illness let him, but don't push him into it. If he just wants to ignore it all and be as "normal" as possible, then do it!
He will be going through a TON of different emotions so be prepared for anything and just roll with it... Cry with him, Be angry with him, Laugh with him!!
When you find your emotions getting the best of you remember, you will have plenty of time to grieve and miss him when he is gone but only a short time to spend with him NOW.
6 years ago I had to take my own advice when my BFF "Heart-Sister" got a Cancerous Brain tumor. In her last year she had frequent mini-seizures, memory loss and confusion. Still that last year gave me some of the sweetest memories I have of her!! Silly, stupid things like sitting on the floor of a store with her because she had an "episode" and couldn't remember where she was or why she was there.
I just sat and hugged her until the seizure passed, we would cry together for a moment about how unfair it was and then laugh wondering what the other people in the store thought about the 2 crazy ladies on the floor.
She knew she was terminal, and sometimes she just wanted to be crazy and carefree... a couple of times she came to my house early in the morning with a 6 pack of beer (of all things!) and just wanted to sit outside, drink beer and laugh like we did "in the old days"... So we did!! She told me once that she loved spending time with me because I was the ONLY person who made her feel "normal" for awhile. (She never knew that I cried AFTER she left )
Find your strength in the Love you have for your Brother... trust me you won't regret it.
You just put it in God's hands. I lost a father and a brother to cancer. Both died within 4 months of it's discovery. Dad was 87 and in poor health and senile. I don't think he was even told. Mom prayed that he would go fast so he would not have to suffer. He died one week after discovery. My brother had chemo and radiation. Five weeks after he was pronounced free of all cancer cells in his body with no cancer markers in his blood, he died. A couple of weeks before he died, the doctor suggested more chemo, but couldn't guarantee it would help. He wanted to die in peace so he refused further treatment. He was 67. The Mayo clinic couldn't even identify the cancer. All they could tell was what it was not. It was very fast growing.
On a good note, my husbands sister was cured of throat cancer back in the 50's. It never returned and her death (some 40 years later) was attributed to her heart. She had an abcessed tooth and the infection with straight to her heart and killed her.
Have your brother get his affairs (will) in order. I know it isn't a pleasant thought, but a pre-planned funeral is much less expensive than an "in need" funeral. It will save the family a lot of grief when the time comes.
It is sad, but it is reality. With life comes death. God bless you. I kow what you are going through. Being there for your brother is what is most important. When his time comes, tell him it is OK for him to go. Also tell him you will be OK and you will see him again someday. People tend to try to hang on to life when they think their family will not make it without them. Give him a peaceful death. God bless you and your family.
I am so sorry to hear this... you have gotten some great advice. Most important is being there for the other person and letting them know you love and support whatever they decide to do. Spend as much time together as you can and make it count. Be there to listen ..... and try to enjoy the time you have left. All the best wishes to both you you!
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The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. ~Henry David Thoreau
njkate this is never easy but quality of life is more important than anything during times like these. I lost a uncle to lung cancer and it was a excruciating ordeal on the entire family but my mother had to be strong for her only brother. He was a extremely religious man who at one point during his disease process actually attempted suicide to end his suffering. He ironically passed on a Good Friday.There will be good days & bad days but try to just be there for him. Best of luck and prayers.
Kate, I'm so very sorry.
I'm getting ready to shut down for the night but wanted to post to tell you to google Brett Hudson - he had throat cancer and so far has done well using treatment here in the states and a complimentary therapy in Germany. He explains it in his blog.
I made a post 2 weeks ago in this section with the link - it's for The Klinik by Brett Hudson
As others have siad, just being there is best. Let him lead the conversation. Some people want to tell you every little detail and get hurt if you don't ask them about their symptoms, some get offended if you do ask them and don't want to talk about it (also true of people w/a chronic disease but not terminal). Good luck!
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