Caregiving for Parents Became a Career (handicapped, child)

[baileyvpotter]

Originally Posted by eyewrist

You are taking an offense to an answer to the topic discussed here. It was not intended to be directed toward you at all. I was actually agreeing with you but elaborating on further issues regarding this as a career choice from my personal experience with my parents. You take care of them out of love (others out of obligation) and once they are gone you don't want to do it again...been there, done that, don't want to do it again.

It seemed, since you were quoting me, that I was in this predicament and other readers would assume
that also. So thank you for clarifying.

[rdflk]

Since I'm not likely to do this, I guess it can't hurt to be more specific about the job idea I was talking about.

I was thinking more of being an elder care consultant...which would provide any number services, from running errands, to foot work for out of town adult children, to making sure the client gets to appointments, to do initial scouting of nursing homes, to compiling a list t elder care advocates and attorneys, make sure documents get mailed, notarized, etc.

If parents will pay for college scholarship consultants (who just find a list of scholarships -- and for AN EXTRA FEE help with the actual application) which I certainly don't think anyone needs to pay for -- I sure don't see why caring adult children who are overworked, busy with their own families or live out of state won't pay for someone to help the the running around, footwork, paperwork, and scouting it takes to see about an elderly relative their care about.

You as the business owner can decide what services you provide and which you don't. And decide WHO the CLIENT is -- the elderly person -- OR THE FAMILY MEMBER of the elderly person who's actually PAYING for the service. Will you take after hours calls (and charge extra or not), will you check on clients in weather and storm emergencies, do personal home assistance -- personal grooming assistance, meal assistance, cleaning -- or will you be JUST a 'paperwork' eldercare service kind of consultant? Look at all the things we here have had to learn about or get up to speed on? Busy adult children WILL PAY for help with even just that.

The market for this IS OUT THERE. And will only get bigger and bigger. A friend of mine lives here in the DC area now but wants to go back to Florida, already bought a house there and everything. I told her this would be a great business to start up, but 1) at 53 she's not interested, and 2) it's just not the kind of work she wants to do. But look at all the adult children in NY, PA, CA, TX and elsewhere who have parents in Florida or Arizona -- pick any retirement state or one with a lot of elderly. In Florida, especially -- a great selling point for the service would be that they'd have someone checking up on heir loved on in hurricanes or other weather emergencies, etc.

If I were younger, I'd definitely think about this kind of career.

[eyewrist]

Originally Posted by rdflk

Since I'm not likely to do this, I guess it can't hurt to be more specific about the job idea I was talking about.

I was thinking more of being an elder care consultant...which would provide any number services, from running errands, to foot work for out of town adult children, to making sure the client gets to appointments, to do initial scouting of nursing homes, to compiling a list t elder care advocates and attorneys, make sure documents get mailed, notarized, etc.

If parents will pay for college scholarship consultants (who just find a list of scholarships -- and for AN EXTRA FEE help with the actual application) which I certainly don't think anyone needs to pay for -- I sure don't see why caring adult children who are overworked, busy with their own families or live out of state won't pay for someone to help the the running around, footwork, paperwork, and scouting it takes to see about an elderly relative their care about.

You as the business owner can decide what services you provide and which you don't. And decide WHO the CLIENT is -- the elderly person -- OR THE FAMILY MEMBER of the elderly person who's actually PAYING for the service. Will you take after hours calls (and charge extra or not), will you check on clients in weather and storm emergencies, do personal home assistance -- personal grooming assistance, meal assistance, cleaning -- or will you be JUST a 'paperwork' eldercare service kind of consultant? Look at all the things we here have had to learn about or get up to speed on? Busy adult children WILL PAY for help with even just that.

The market for this IS OUT THERE. And will only get bigger and bigger. A friend of mine lives here in the DC area now but wants to go back to Florida, already bought a house there and everything. I told her this would be a great business to start up, but 1) at 53 she's not interested, and 2) it's just not the kind of work she wants to do. But look at all the adult children in NY, PA, CA, TX and elsewhere who have parents in Florida or Arizona -- pick any retirement state or one with a lot of elderly. In Florida, especially -- a great selling point for the service would be that they'd have someone checking up on heir loved on in hurricanes or other weather emergencies, etc.

If I were younger, I'd definitely think about this kind of career.

This is a good idea BUT for the personal care and general home care issues there are many companion care services available which most of my patients say it not really affordable so most find their own caregiver, for emergency storm/weather most call 211 or their local fire dept, Meals on Wheel is a nonprofit already available to the seniors to provide one free meal daily if they sign up yet most of the elderly hate the taste basically because they make all of the food bland due to broad varying diagnosis or illness that restrict certain diets/seasonings. Now the legal paperwork, I'm surprised an atty with a group of paralegals to assist them didn't jump on this concept either

A coordinating eldercare consultant who helps the family in the sequential step progress would be a great direction to go. Now I know social workers are suppose to transition the patient out of the hospital but few do the assistance in the home. I said this over 10 years ago that if a social worker was smart they would have started such a service. I even told one this similar idea but they never took hold of it. A person willing to do this would be valuable if they are willing to devote the time doing the research to find all those "hidden" and "unknown" services that are out there and coordinating all these services for the family members. Yes, a good career for someone younger than I for sure.

[tulani]

Originally Posted by eyewrist

I understand. But after you had dealt with such issues and took care of your parent(s) in your own personal life, you don't have the energy or desire to do that again or for others for that matter. You will need three to five years to recover from your own situation...taking it on as career is the last thing you want to do.

I took care of my mom through a 4 month fatal dance with lung cancer. It was not easy and it was not pretty. But I did it because I loved her and told her she could die in her own bedroom.

I actually took care of her from the beginning of the year - when she fell and broke her back - until she died in late November. Ten years this coming November.

Six months later - and many states away - I found myself working again with the dying elderly. I got involved with Home Health Care and became a caretaker because, although hard and draining on me, I knew what I was doing and actually enjoyed it.
I had quite a few clients over time and worked HHC until early '08.
I lasted 4 years because I re-injured an already injured neck (lifting a patient - with help!) and had to quit that line of work after the client died.

I haven't worked since, but know I will never get back into this line of work. The last job took its toll on me both mentally and physically.

[rdflk]

I saw an interview on RLTV just the other night and the doctor used the phrase geriatric case manager. THAT is more what I'm talking about -- eldercare consultant -- managing and coordinating what adult children can't -- or don't have time to do -- and are willing to pay someone else to do.

This is would likely start out as an LLC or individual entrepreneurship -- the person doing this could decide IF, they'd also do in home care -- OR call and set up the in home agency the family would choose.

Like I said I'm not going to do it. I'm too far along in my own career to start over with a new one. But if I were younger I'd sure think about it.

[Linda Richards]

Anyone that has ever been a 24/7 caregiver for their parents, likely DOES NOT WANT TO EVER REVISIT DOING ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY RELATED.

I know.
Let me relate something that my dad said to me long long ago when I was a teen-ager: I asked my father who was a high ranking officer who spent the entire war (WWII) from early-mid 1942 - 1945 on Guadalcanal, New Guinea, Solomon Islands. As you might imagine, just like a stupid daughter might, I asked "Daddy, why didn't you remain in just long enough to become a General?" He looked at me and said, Linda, I did my duty to the best of my ability and by the grace of God, was lucky enough to have survived it all. He said that once he shook those sands from his shoes upon getting back to the States around Thanksgiving 1945, he said he simply wanted to return to normal family life and restart his business career.
If you have ever had a long (over five years) period of 24/7 caregiver of caring for one or both parents in decline, you UNDERSTAND this. Sometimes, younger friends will ask me, Linda, my mom now has Alzheimers..... I lived it for eight years with my mom and the end stage with my dad who was mentally razor sharp at 90+ .
Let me tell you that it takes nearly a decade after your parent dies, that your own memory of them , returns to the good times, when they were strong and sharp. No longer do you remember the the person that you saw losing it and knowing full well they were losing it in the beginning, later becoming more childlike and helpless, and so on.....

I did the best that anyone could do. I'm proud to have taken on the responsibilty and the difficult challenge.
Make no mistake, that though both my husband and I were wealthy as well as my parents were very wealthy, it is very very tough and takes someone with the right personality and determination.
I'm from a large family and some siblings just could not deal with it. By that I mean that they had a difficult time visiting our parents as they were declining. Some of my brothers would become so stressed that they would avoid visiting them. Then you have others that simply focus on the financials and want to divide up the cash so to speak. It is a position that no one ever wants to take on......you simply take on because you love your folks and realize that you're the best person for the job and you want to make certain that you do everything to make your folks happy when they need help.
.....From the get-go when the child becomes the parent and you have to get involved, figuring out medical history, medicines, physicians, insurance coverages, research the conditions/illnesses enough to be able to speak with physicians, POA and that is simply the medical part. Then there is the researching and getting familiar with their business holdings and bills/managing the income from that part of it. It all hits you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it to.


I'll say this. Nobody wants to make a career out of being a caregiver. It is one of those instances where you learn so many things that you wish you could forget. How certain disease(s) progress. You see the very bad days in a front and center, up close and personal manner.
Sure, there were some good times, spent with dad who was razor sharp mentally and the stories and tales that I likely had heard many times before but that my daughters had never heard. It is tough to see someone really struggle with a difficult terminal illness.
The way I see it is that UNLESS YOU ALREADY BECAME A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL and started a career in the medical field, long before, you will not likely want to become a "professional caregiver".
You simply will not have anything left in the tank to even want to.
Caring for a close family member that you love deeply is one thing.
Deciding to continue in a low-paid or even highly paid position as such, simply because you gained a lifetime of experience is another thing.
Most everyone will not desire to make a profession out of it.
Those are my thoughts.
God bless everyone that is currently a 24/7 caregiver for a loved-one.
Afterwards, be proud that you did your very best. You did everything that could possibly be done under the circumstances. You can't dwell on the if this had been done or if this physician had been contacted earlier, as that is life and it is fluid and choices are made based on what is known at that moment and often depending on illness/condition, choices are necessary within minutes/hours.
It will take some time but your memories of your folks will not be of incontinent, diapered declining aged people requiring spoon feeding......
I remember something my father would tell us when we were kids, and that was that the war movies did get some things realistic but one could only imagine what it smelled like. LOL, but retired caregivers will understand as the URINE with Amonia Pee smell is rather pungent and strong.
Completely different than changing your kids when they are babies. You know they are growing. With your aged folks, you know that they are going.
I'll say no more as I've said too much.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by rdflk

I saw an interview on RLTV just the other night and the doctor used the phrase geriatric case manager. THAT is more what I'm talking about -- eldercare consultant -- managing and coordinating what adult children can't -- or don't have time to do -- and are willing to pay someone else to do.

This is would likely start out as an LLC or individual entrepreneurship -- the person doing this could decide IF, they'd also do in home care -- OR call and set up the in home agency the family would choose.

Like I said I'm not going to do it. I'm too far along in my own career to start over with a new one. But if I were younger I'd sure think about it.

This is a legitimate field, but most have masters degrees in social work and extensive experience in geriatric settings as a social worker. I am an OT who has 15 years in geriatrics, but actually hired one to help with my Mom to tell us our options and to find her an assisted living that would accept her on limited funds. Even with my knowledge, she was extremely helpful, especially in the access she had to the areas admissions directors and ALF administrators. She saved me tons of legwork. All told I think we paid her about $700 or so (I think, really don't remember exactly). This is a good field, but there is a lot to know in terms of laws, regs, availability of and qualification for local resources, etc.

In terms of jobs in this capacity without degree and the knowledge and "ins" this lady had, what I would have hired most of all is someone to take my Mom to her Dr appointments and make sure she was taking care of herself (I was 2 hours away). There are a lot of options in these fields, IMO.

If you want to see how they are set up and what they do, here's a link to the care manager my Mom and I hired: http://1link4seniorcare.com/

[eyewrist]

Originally Posted by Linda Richards

Anyone that has ever been a 24/7 caregiver for their parents, likely DOES NOT WANT TO EVER REVISIT DOING ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY RELATED.

I know.
Let me relate something that my dad said to me long long ago when I was a teen-ager: I asked my father who was a high ranking officer who spent the entire war (WWII) from early-mid 1942 - 1945 on Guadalcanal, New Guinea, Solomon Islands. As you might imagine, just like a stupid daughter might, I asked "Daddy, why didn't you remain in just long enough to become a General?" He looked at me and said, Linda, I did my duty to the best of my ability and by the grace of God, was lucky enough to have survived it all. He said that once he shook those sands from his shoes upon getting back to the States around Thanksgiving 1945, he said he simply wanted to return to normal family life and restart his business career.
If you have ever had a long (over five years) period of 24/7 caregiver of caring for one or both parents in decline, you UNDERSTAND this. Sometimes, younger friends will ask me, Linda, my mom now has Alzheimers..... I lived it for eight years with my mom and the end stage with my dad who was mentally razor sharp at 90+ .
Let me tell you that it takes nearly a decade after your parent dies, that your own memory of them , returns to the good times, when they were strong and sharp. No longer do you remember the the person that you saw losing it and knowing full well they were losing it in the beginning, later becoming more childlike and helpless, and so on.....

I did the best that anyone could do. I'm proud to have taken on the responsibilty and the difficult challenge.
Make no mistake, that though both my husband and I were wealthy as well as my parents were very wealthy, it is very very tough and takes someone with the right personality and determination.
I'm from a large family and some siblings just could not deal with it. By that I mean that they had a difficult time visiting our parents as they were declining. Some of my brothers would become so stressed that they would avoid visiting them. Then you have others that simply focus on the financials and want to divide up the cash so to speak. It is a position that no one ever wants to take on......you simply take on because you love your folks and realize that you're the best person for the job and you want to make certain that you do everything to make your folks happy when they need help.
.....From the get-go when the child becomes the parent and you have to get involved, figuring out medical history, medicines, physicians, insurance coverages, research the conditions/illnesses enough to be able to speak with physicians, POA and that is simply the medical part. Then there is the researching and getting familiar with their business holdings and bills/managing the income from that part of it. It all hits you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it to.


I'll say this. Nobody wants to make a career out of being a caregiver. It is one of those instances where you learn so many things that you wish you could forget. How certain disease(s) progress. You see the very bad days in a front and center, up close and personal manner.
Sure, there were some good times, spent with dad who was razor sharp mentally and the stories and tales that I likely had heard many times before but that my daughters had never heard. It is tough to see someone really struggle with a difficult terminal illness.
The way I see it is that UNLESS YOU ALREADY BECAME A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL and started a career in the medical field, long before, you will not likely want to become a "professional caregiver".
You simply will not have anything left in the tank to even want to.
Caring for a close family member that you love deeply is one thing.
Deciding to continue in a low-paid or even highly paid position as such, simply because you gained a lifetime of experience is another thing.
Most everyone will not desire to make a profession out of it.
Those are my thoughts.
God bless everyone that is currently a 24/7 caregiver for a loved-one.
Afterwards, be proud that you did your very best. You did everything that could possibly be done under the circumstances. You can't dwell on the if this had been done or if this physician had been contacted earlier, as that is life and it is fluid and choices are made based on what is known at that moment and often depending on illness/condition, choices are necessary within minutes/hours.
It will take some time but your memories of your folks will not be of incontinent, diapered declining aged people requiring spoon feeding......
I remember something my father would tell us when we were kids, and that was that the war movies did get some things realistic but one could only imagine what it smelled like. LOL, but retired caregivers will understand as the URINE with Amonia Pee smell is rather pungent and strong.
Completely different than changing your kids when they are babies. You know they are growing. With your aged folks, you know that they are going.
I'll say no more as I've said too much.

I would give you four stars for this statement but I can only rep you once...darn. You have spoken the utter truth about caring for your parents; thanks for your honesty here.

I have been in the healthcare for over 25 years and it was exhausting for ME when I cared for my parents 24/7. And yes there is a big difference between and caring for a child and an adult. I also did it out of love that meant quitting my job, moving all my belongs into my parents home and not get paid for about a year. But I remember the little things they did the would make me chuckle and yes there are moment you are upset. But you keep in mind they are fearful too so expect emotional outburst; you would do the same if you were in their situation.

But that was enough; I'm emotionally and physically spent...I'm done.

[Mugsy]

Originally Posted by eyewrist

Now that's a different story. If you are saying you would like to convert a home...your home into a place to care for several aging adults then that is doable. You are providing the day to day care for a few seniors but you have to hire two to six people to help you depending on how many you take in and what diagnosis you take which a MAJOR factor in the rate you will charge. The legal, finanical issues and sibling discord/disagreements remain with the family members and they are paying you to care for their parents that's all; nothing more.

You would have to prep the home with inspections, proper exits, ramps, adapted bathrooms, hospital beds, emergency plans, safety devices throughout the home etc. Training in proper care of the elderly would be required but just become a CNA to get that, get some hands on experience for about 4 to 6 months (lol, this is the real test of your desire to do this) and design certain legal forms to protect you and your staff and you are open for business. Now where you get these seniors will be the question. From the state, from neighbors or other relatives... all can be done but you have to do the leg work.

Your question will be about the diagnosis right? Some are easier than others. The most difficult are overly obese, paralyzed from neck down, mentally degrading and the mentally ill. No prejudice here just realize with these diagnosis, it will take twice the amount of time, energy and staff to work with this group; you can NOT do it by yourself...period. You will want to screen them for 48 to 72 hrs to see if they are a good fit by letting them stay at your group home with pay of course. This is why the hands on experience will help you screen these people because those family members trying to get them into your home will not always be honest (or in denial) about their parents condition and once they get them into your home, many adult children won't follow through on their commitment ( i.e bring in diapers, come visit during holidays/birthdays, returning important calls). This is why paperwork, agreements and contracts will need to be designed and utilized for your benefit.

I'm just painting the picture real clear for you in advance.

Yes, Like I said, I considered opening one. I checked into County Licensing. However, after taking care of 2 elderly family members with dementia, I decided I am not cut out for this.

Too exhausting, not worth it for me.

[JulieT726]

See if this link works if not paste and run. I love the elderly!!!

A Parent's Love - I Cried After Watching This... - YouTube