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Yes, thanks. Their sales person phoned me quite frequently last year. I finally had to request they stop phoning me.
The places they identified for our Mom were the same places we came up with on our own google searches and they had no ability to provide me with any complaint history..... something I want very badly.
Even on meds, she has her rages and in her confusion she leaves the house and goes to neighbors. She can't travel on an airplane without being disruptive. I think we would actually have to handcuff her in motel rooms to drive her from CA to TX where I live due to her resistance to the idea. She has been invited to come stay with me hundreds of times and her answer is always NO.
She accuses me of embezzling her money (also many others including the bank) and phones the police to complain that her daughter has stolen "everything she owns." Her local police have fully investigated and know the situation. These outright accusations get me so angry - tho I know she is mentally ill - that I find myself just enraged in her presence. My visits end with me physically ill. But, even more to the point...
In March, my husband and I are moving into a one-bedroom townhouse for a few months to have our personal house get repairs/updating. Our house will then be for sale and we are leaving the USA next Fall for a 24 month temp living situation in various European cities. Mom can't be with me thru all this.
My sister-in-law has been the primary "run to handle" person (I live in TX and Mom lives in CA) and will not have Mom live with her. My SIL has been even a more frequent target of accusations than I have been. Mom tells everyone that my SIL steals all her money and gives it to friends. This charge is leveled at my SIL at least 50 times a day, no less! At this point, I am having trouble even identifying a facility that is willing/able to manage her and then there's my brother's resistence.....
I will be there in a few weeks, and my agenda now is to be the one to take her to a facility. So, for the next couple of weeks I am focused on identifying a place.
Oh boy.
She is a tough case. Best of luck. Prepare for a less than easy transition to her new place. It's going to be rough.
I guess ours was easier. My grandmother lived with us and when she got this way at night, she had an infection!! After a course of antibiotics she was much better. It sounds like this is much different though.
If your brother does not acknowledge that your mother needs help, then give his number to the police and the neighbors. This inaction could be construed as elder abuse and something needs to be done before another episode happens! I know it's not easy, but your peace of mind should be on the agenda.
I agree. When a family member resists the obvious, that family member needs to be put into a position of sole responsibility. Even threatening this might bring him into line. You can't go on like this.
In so many cases, a crisis happens before the will to take action can be formed. But it sounds like you are at the tipping point. For the good of your mother, take action. Use the doc's diagnosis, be frank with the facilities, and look for Memory Care.
Yes, thanks. Their sales person phoned me quite frequently last year. I finally had to request they stop phoning me.
The places they identified for our Mom were the same places we came up with on our own google searches and they had no ability to provide me with any complaint history..... something I want very badly.
No facility is going to have a master list of every complaint.
In every state these places are licensed and visited by the state board of health (or some thing like it) to keep track of problems at these homes. They have to pass regulations in order to keep their licenses. Probably incidental complaints would not be monitored because they happen so frequently, but gross mismanagement of patients would certainly be on the records. You might find helpful information on the state website.
If you would like to compare nursing homes or just browse ratings you can check out Medicare.gov and click on "Find Nursing Homes" on the left hand side of the page. This site will give you extensive information about quality of care, facility deficiencies, ratio of staff to residents, etc. Though the site can't tell you about individual complaints against the facility, deficiencies that were found during yearly inspection will be there in detail.
As a licensed rehab therapist who has worked extensively in nursing facilites, I would say that a locked Alzheimer's/dementia unit would be the safest and best placement for your mother. Not all nursing facilities have a locked unit, but the ones that do have specially trained staff who know how to best care for folks with dementia.
Please Please Please, either yourself or a family member should take the time to vist a facility/facilities before you place your loved one there. Be aware of what you are seeing. Do you see staff around? Are they respectful to the residents? Do the residents look groomed and taken care of, hair brushed, glasses on, clean clothes, etc? What does the facility smell like? It's a myth that all nursing homes smell bad. I've worked at both 4 star and 5 star facility and each were kept spotless. Both housekeeping and nursing worked hard to keep each facility fresh. I would also look at the resident rooms as well as their setup for bathing. Some facilites have full baths attached to rooms, some have only sink and toilet with a seperate shower room. Which type would be best suited for your mother? Not to overwhelm you, but all these things need to be taken into consideration.
Good luck.
If you would like to compare nursing homes or just browse ratings you can check out Medicare.gov and click on "Find Nursing Homes" on the left hand side of the page. This site will give you extensive information about quality of care, facility deficiencies, ratio of staff to residents, etc. Though the site can't tell you about individual complaints against the facility, deficiencies that were found during yearly inspection will be there in detail.
As a licensed rehab therapist who has worked extensively in nursing facilites, I would say that a locked Alzheimer's/dementia unit would be the safest and best placement for your mother. Not all nursing facilities have a locked unit, but the ones that do have specially trained staff who know how to best care for folks with dementia.
Please Please Please, either yourself or a family member should take the time to vist a facility/facilities before you place your loved one there. Be aware of what you are seeing. Do you see staff around? Are they respectful to the residents? Do the residents look groomed and taken care of, hair brushed, glasses on, clean clothes, etc? What does the facility smell like? It's a myth that all nursing homes smell bad. I've worked at both 4 star and 5 star facility and each were kept spotless. Both housekeeping and nursing worked hard to keep each facility fresh. I would also look at the resident rooms as well as their setup for bathing. Some facilites have full baths attached to rooms, some have only sink and toilet with a seperate shower room. Which type would be best suited for your mother? Not to overwhelm you, but all these things need to be taken into consideration.
Good luck.
Yes to all of this. There are some very good points here. Pay attention to everything, even the details. You can also find reviews online of various places, just by Googling the name of the facility. I wouldn't base a decision solely on a single review, but sometimes you see things that you would want to ask about on a visit. We have been told to visit unannounced. Good luck!
If you would like to compare nursing homes or just browse ratings you can check out Medicare.gov and click on "Find Nursing Homes" on the left hand side of the page. This site will give you extensive information about quality of care, facility deficiencies, ratio of staff to residents, etc. Though the site can't tell you about individual complaints against the facility, deficiencies that were found during yearly inspection will be there in detail.
As a licensed rehab therapist who has worked extensively in nursing facilites, I would say that a locked Alzheimer's/dementia unit would be the safest and best placement for your mother. Not all nursing facilities have a locked unit, but the ones that do have specially trained staff who know how to best care for folks with dementia.
Please Please Please, either yourself or a family member should take the time to vist a facility/facilities before you place your loved one there. Be aware of what you are seeing. Do you see staff around? Are they respectful to the residents? Do the residents look groomed and taken care of, hair brushed, glasses on, clean clothes, etc? What does the facility smell like? It's a myth that all nursing homes smell bad. I've worked at both 4 star and 5 star facility and each were kept spotless. Both housekeeping and nursing worked hard to keep each facility fresh. I would also look at the resident rooms as well as their setup for bathing. Some facilites have full baths attached to rooms, some have only sink and toilet with a seperate shower room. Which type would be best suited for your mother? Not to overwhelm you, but all these things need to be taken into consideration.
Good luck.
Thanks for this. We are visiting every pace we consider. The places we look at often don't accept Medicare. Right now we are narrowing in on Silverado in Valley Ranch and Parkwood Healthcare in Bedford. We have moved the search to Texas due to lack of acceptable choices within a reasonable commute to my brother's home and we want to visit her daily. We hope to have her in a place within the nest few weeks.
Thanks for this. We are visiting every pace we consider. The places we look at often don't accept Medicare. Right now we are narrowing in on Silverado in Valley Ranch and Parkwood Healthcare in Bedford. We have moved the search to Texas due to lack of acceptable choices within a reasonable commute to my brother's home and we want to visit her daily. We hope to have her in a place within the nest few weeks.
Medicare is health insurance, no ALF or nursing facility is going to take Medicare as room and board. Medicare only pays for nursing homes after a 3-day hospitalization when a patient requires skilled nursing care/rehab, and only for a limited time (up to 100 depending on circumstances). Do you mean Medicaid?
We had this problem with my Mom, who had some assets but not enough to outlive her. The geriatric care manager we hired called every place within our search range and was able to generate a list of places for us that agreed to accept her until her assets ran out AND allow her to remain once she goes on Medicaid (although she will have to share an apartment once that happens). Then we went and looked only at those places we knew would accept her. It saved me a lot of work.
Good luck in your search!
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