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Two seniors, of sound mind, should be able to share a room, and a bed, if they both desire it.
I think that all too often, the seniors are hungry for the comfort of just a physical touch. I know that after my father passed away, that's what my own mother missed the most, being held and hugged. After 60 years of sharing a bed, she couldn't sleep alone for many months without taking meds.
You don't usually end up in a nursing home if you have a sound mind. It's bad enough you that you have to share a room with ANYONE in those places, let alone with a member of the opposite sex. As for the "if they desire" part who is suppose to decide if one party or the other is truly able to make a sound-minded decision like that? The families? The nursing staff? A geriatric psychiatrist? No, the rule of same sex roommates unless married makes the most sense.
As someone who works in nursing homes, it's not up to the homes as many states prohibit this (just as you will not usually see co-ed hospital rooms). In the last facility I worked in, females and males were not even allowed (by state law) to be in separate rooms which connected to the same bathroom.
All nursing homes have policies, in accordance with federal law, in re: to privacy, and although sexual relations are not spelled out in the federal law, the right to privacy includes that right. Some states have regs that further outline marital relations, consensual sex, etc.
Though federal law does not specifically address sexual relations, it does address privacy issues.
I have a nursing home administrator's license and policy does vary from state to state as to how conjugal visits or sexual relations between residents are handled. This can include the right to lock one's door, put a "do not disturb" sign out, etc. How individual nursing homes handle this does vary.
Rape and sexual abuse amongst the elderly is a reality, and one that nursing home administrators work diligently to make sure does not occur. However, defining what is and isn't "consensual" can be a dilemma. Nevertheless, the right to privacy does ensure a resident's right to have conjugal visits or to have sexual relations with other residents.
Here is a nice explanation of the regs in re: to PATIENT RIGHTS (Resident Rights) - interesting reading! You will note there are references to various state regs, as well.
Excerpt from article: " . . . most States discuss the issue in terms of marital relationships and place some restrictions on the right of married couples to share rooms or have private visits. The typical limitations concern availability of the room to share or medical contraindications or both."
One of many symptoms of dementia is a tendency to act out on sexual impulses, i.e. to lose the filter as to what constitutes appropriate behavior. I've seen this happen over and over again. For that reason alone, I'd tend to favor segregation by gender.
I have a few patients, right now, of sound mind, on my hall (I take care of 25 at night) that need to be lifted out of bed by a hoyer lift into their wheelchairs. What possible threat could someone like this pose, in a man-woman room?
And if the sex is consensual, or merely wanting someone to sleep/cuddle with at night with no sex, and given more and more couples are living without marriage, is this creating a major problem?
Yes, there are some that are sexually active right up until their 80's/90's. There was an elderly, overweight black woman in my facility, in her late 60's, confined to a wheelchair, from the Deep South, and she loved giving oral sex to the men in the facility, right out of her wheelchair! And I'm surprised as active as she was she didn't get an STD! She'd go to some man's room, pull the curtain, and have a little fun! And if she wasn't getting enough, she'd hit on us male Aide's! As I was changing her diaper, at night, more than once, she was grabbing at my crotch!
Yes, Anifan, most residents never look at their rights in the Resident's Bill of Rights, and I'm forever urging my residents to get a copy of it, as this is one loaded document, that any lawyer could have a heyday with!
Too often the staff trample on their rights, contained in this document, and I'm surprised there hasn't been more lawsuits as a result of it.
When an alert patient comes to me, puzzled, as to why a nurse keeps insisting this patient go to bed and get some sleep (a real problem for those that have worked the nightshift a good part of their lives) I direct them to their Resident's Right document. I'm very quick to tell them: your rights are being violated, you a have a right to stay up all night if you wish!
If 2 adults want to share a room I do not think it should be a problem. However I can imagine a lot of problems when their adult children visit the first time.
Maybe it's not giving them the right to have sex. Maybe it is about respecting the modesty of the patients that don't care to see bare genitals.
In every room in my facility, there's a curtain always drawn between the 2 beds, to provide privacy. Some residents prefer to have the curtain pulled permanently, any time of the day, to insure privacy.
I get the impression these people who make statements like this, haven't even been to a nursing home.
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