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The OPs has siblings(as in plural), they can take turns. You don't have to take FMLA(which is for 3 months) all at once, you can take two weeks here and there.
If someone can't take a couple of weeks off without pay, they better start looking at their finances and budgeting of their money better.
What do you suggest? Relying on the goodness of neighbors(they can only do so much and really if you have any class or concern you don't expect too much), your family, your issue!
Ever hear of cross training at work? Foolish of your company not to have some cross training, what happens if you get hit by a bus or go out on medical leave yourself?
A little communication goes along way, if someone knows they have a family situation on the horizon that may require taking leave, you give your boss and your team a heads up. Again, it's wise to have others know what you do, as well as you have some understanding of what they do.
Sounds like a lot of excuses quite frankly to get out of lending a hand.
Oh for goodness sake.
The OP lives many hours drive away. She visits her mother to help out on a regular basis, as do the other children. As they should, and do. There's no getting out of anything. The mom has nice friends and nice neighbors, who also help out, presumably because they're nice people and they want to. The OP simply wants to make sure that the neighbor does not feel obligated and would like to let her know it's perfectly fine (of course) if she can't keep doing so due to her own family situation.
If there was a need to go hang out with mom because she's declined and she needs family help for a longer period of time than warranted currently the OP would do so. Without reservation.
You can take my word on that.
I know it's easy to do on this board but you're reading malintent into this where there really isn't any.
No, it isn't the norm. Why aren't the OP and her siblings doing more? Clearly they live close enough to see her once a month. It should be at least once a week, they can take turns.
It's up to the family to step in and not rely on neighbors.
I don't see any reason to assume the siblings live close enough to visit once/week, and I don't see how you have any authority to conclude how often they should visit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom
Taking FMLA often requires folks to pay their full health insurance and group life premiums during the leave period. Also, for many of us, the position is not one that has a "fill-in" hanging around and can go unfilled. Taking FMLA only gets you a promise that you will return to a position that you "are qualified for". NOT the same position. FMLA, for many, would simply not be an option that they could afford to take.
Yes, this, plus it may not be a qualifying event. The mom doesn't seem to be in need of any more care than she's getting, so how would her adult children justify taking extra time off work, without pay, to care for her?
The OP lives many hours drive away. She visits her mother to help out on a regular basis, as do the other children. As they should, and do. There's no getting out of anything. The mom has nice friends and nice neighbors, who also help out, presumably because they're nice people and they want to. The OP simply wants to make sure that the neighbor does not feel obligated and would like to let her know it's perfectly fine (of course) if she can't keep doing so due to her own family situation.
If there was a need to go hang out with mom because she's declined and she needs family help for a longer period of time than warranted currently the OP would do so. Without reservation.
You can take my word on that.
I know it's easy to do on this board but you're reading malintent into this where there really isn't any.
Ever occur to you they do it because the adult children don't? But feels stuck now doing it?
So what if the OP lives many hours drive away, you do what you have to do. Some of us have had to go cross country. I did it from CA to FL, doesn't get much further away in the US than those two states.
The OP doesn't want them to feel obligated, OK fine, but what is the plan for taking up the slack if the neighbors stop?
They need to figure out a plan, if that means two or three of them go to the mother's house for two weeks and start interveiwing paid help and seeing if the neighbor will check up on the help(be the eyes and ears than do that).
But you just can't say "oh well it's a 5 hour drive, I don't feel like doing it"...well you can, but you have to live with yourself.
Unless we're talking about a Mommy Dearest childhood, you step up to the plate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
I don't see any reason to assume the siblings live close enough to visit once/week, and I don't see how you have any authority to conclude how often they should visit.
LOL....you're right. I have no authority, I am pointing out that it your mother, it is your issue, not the neighbors.
Yes, this, plus it may not be a qualifying event. The mom doesn't seem to be in need of any more care than she's getting, so how would her adult children justify taking extra time off work, without pay, to care for her?
I know how FMLA works. You can take it for your spouse, your children, and YOUR PARENTS. Not an inlaw, not for a cousin, not for an aunt.
It's a federal law and you don't need to show tons of proof. You also don't have to take it for all 3 months. You can take a week or two. The OP and her siblings need to figure a plan out and not rely on the kindness of neighbors.
It may come to a point where the neighbor for purely legal reasons doesn't want to be involved.
I know of a very similar situation where the "good neighbor" called the daughter (who lived in another state) that she was growing concerned about the mother. She would come over and find the burners on, for example. The daughter's response was "Well she sounds fine on the phone".
The neighbor finally had to say "look I can't be responsible for this anymore, if you don't come here I will call Social Services", funny the daughter was able to get on a plane within a week and take FMLA.
A couple of weeks without pay, for an infinite amount of time, is not possible for most. And for some, 2 weeks off, at ALL, will cause a struggle with their job. Cross training is a lovely concept, which works well in many industries and companies. To think that it is possible in EVERY situation is to have ones head buried in the sand. No offense, of course.
No excuses here. Just plain hard cold facts. Sometimes s nursing home or paid caretaker is the only option.
Really? How many of these people have full cable, three cars in the driveway(when they have two licensed drivers), several laptops in the house, go to Starbucks 5 times a week, get real.
Many today don't have a pot to p**s in because they don't know how to budget and do without a luxury or two.
Last edited by seain dublin; 11-09-2015 at 08:51 PM..
Really? How many of these people have full cable, three cars in the driveway(when they have two licensed drivers), several laptops in the house, go to Starbucks 5 times a week, get real.
Many today don't have a pot to p**s in because they don't know how to budget and do without a luxury or two.
I'm not offended, I feel sorry for you if your only two weeks away from being on the street due to poor planning.
You delight in your assumptions. Why do you think so many people have so much? I have no cable, a bought-used 7 year old car, a work laptop, I hate Starbucks, and a kid in college with college loans. Again, very presumptuous of you to be critical. No need to feel sorry for me dear, I am certainly not 2 weeks away from the poorhouse. But I also cannot, and will not, risk losing my position at work. Those that can do that, do. Those that cannot, well they can help in other ways.
Ever occur to you they do it because the adult children don't? But feels stuck now doing it?
So what if the OP lives many hours drive away, you do what you have to do. Some of us have had to go cross country. I did it from CA to FL, doesn't get much further away in the US than those two states.
The OP doesn't want them to feel obligated, OK fine, but what is the plan for taking up the slack if the neighbors stop?
They need to figure out a plan, if that means two or three of them go to the mother's house for two weeks and start interveiwing paid help and seeing if the neighbor will check up on the help(be the eyes and ears than do that).
But you just can't say "oh well it's a 5 hour drive, I don't feel like doing it"...well you can, but you have to live with yourself.
Unless we're talking about a Mommy Dearest childhood, you step up to the plate.
The OP and her siblings take excellent care of their mother. She has nice neighbors too. And helpful friends. There's nothing untoward nor responsibility shirking afoot.
I already told you that if it were necessary, they would take care of her full time. It's simply not at that point.
There is nothing here for you to get so bunched up about.
You delight in your assumptions. Why do you think so many people have so much? I have no cable, a bought-used 7 year old car, a work laptop, I hate Starbucks, and a kid in college with college loans. Again, very presumptuous of you to be critical. No need to feel sorry for me dear, I am certainly not 2 weeks away from the poorhouse. But I also cannot, and will not, risk losing my position at work. Those that can do that, do. Those that cannot, well they can help in other ways.
Well hopefully your kid picked a good major so they can payback their loans.
Your employer has to hold your job, or they would have a nice lawsuit on their hands.
Look, you just don't want to bothered, you said that on the other thread. I give you credit for admitting that, not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver, it's best for them and the parent not to do it, as elder abuse can occur.
But than don't blame tight finances when it's not your issue.
There are many Americans who put themselves in a bad way for the reasons I mentioned. I pointed that out recently to someone who HAS to get their $5 latte every morning. They were complaining about their car insurance being due. I said "you're drinking your payment, you spent $160 a month at Starbucks, cut it back to once or twice a week".
As the saying goes about excuses "if the Queen had balls she would have been the King"
The OP and her siblings take excellent care of their mother. She has nice neighbors too. And helpful friends. There's nothing untoward nor responsibility shirking afoot.
I already told you that if it were necessary, they would take care of her full time. It's simply not at that point.
There is nothing here for you to get so bunched up about.
You're the one who is "bunched up" about it. I am merely pointing out you can't rely on neighbors forever.
As the situation declines the family needs to have a plan.
You're the one who is "bunched up" about it. I am merely pointing out you can't rely on neighbors forever.
As the situation declines the family needs to have a plan.
No, you assumed far more than you have any right to. I asked a question, and it was answered.
As far as the rest of your thoughts on the matter, if I need your advice, I'll ask for it. In the meantime, MYOB.
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But I also cannot, and will not, risk losing my position at work. Those that can do that, do. Those that cannot, well they can help in other ways.
