If one of your elderly parents is in the hospital .... (child, father)
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How long do you usually visit? Especially if you know they will be hospitalized for several days, or perhaps a week.
My mom who is 85 is giving me major guilt that I'm not with her 24/7. My visits have been around 7 hours per day.
The aides at Mom's hospital are almost non existent (1 for 12 beds), so I try to help her with as many things as possible. I'm glad my timing has been such that I've been able to meet with her doctor, PT, OT, etc.
When my mom was in the hospital for 3 weeks last January, either my dad, brother, or I stayed with her round the clock. However, I recognize that not everyone can do this for their loved ones, so I would tell you to manage it the best you can and try to mitigate her fears about being alone.
Wow, you guys set a high standard! Good caretakers! Twice (for more than a day or two) my mother was hospitalized, once my father. All three times their needs seemed well taken care of by the staff. I usually visited a couple times a day, a short visit accompanied by the nonhospitalized parent, and about a three hour visit on my own. If there had been a concern of lack of care, I'm sure I would have upped the hours.
Maybe she is just anxious in there & feeling lonely or worried. I think it can be hard for older folks to go through all that they do with aging & failing health. Perhaps you can pick some set times to tell her that you will be there and try to make at least 1-2 days where you stay for a longer visit. For instance Monday 9-10, Tuesday 12-4, Wed 5-6, Thursday 9-12, etc... Maybe arrange to bring her lunch or dinner & have that with her. May make her feel like she's got someone to share the time with. Bring her a good book, if she reads, to distract her when you're gone.
I think it makes a difference if a parent is capable of advocating for her or his self while in the hospital. If not, then the more you can be there the better. They are often under staffed but like the second poster said, not everyone can do the extended visits. The word 'visit' makes it sound social which it isn't if a parent needs an advocate to get the care they need.
OP, try not to let your mom put a guilt trip on you or you put one on yourself. Seven hours a day and timed to able to talk to all your mom's doctors and therapists is doing well. As she gets better and/or can ask for what she needs from the staff you can shorten your stays.
I think it makes a difference if a parent is capable of advocating for her or his self while in the hospital. If not, then the more you can be there the better. They are often under staffed but like the second poster said, not everyone can do the extended visits. The word 'visit' makes it sound social which it isn't if a parent needs an advocate to get the care they need.
OP, try not to let your mom put a guilt trip on you or you put one on yourself. Seven hours a day and timed to able to talk to all your mom's doctors and therapists is doing well. As she gets better and/or can ask for what she needs from the staff you can shorten your stays.
That is a key thing. Can the patient manage coordinating their own care & manage dealing with the doctors and staff on their own or do they need help?
I was incredulous when I learned that my sister always made arrangements with the hospital to stay 24/7 with her elderly husband during every hospital stay as I rarely spent more than 4 to 6 hours a day (8 to 10 on weekends) with my husband (as I continued to go to work) when he was hospitalized.
However, during my husband's last stay it was essential for his care & well being to me to spend as many hours there as possible, normally 10 to 12 or more a day but as many as 36 straight hours. I caught several mistakes/errors including two medication errors that the nurses & doctors missed, both of which had already caused serious damage and had the potential to cause even more damage to my husband. Plus, my being there was essential to insure that he was adequately fed and cared for as he was unable to self-advocate.
The bottom line is that how long you stay is determined by the patients needs and care. Also, the anticipated length of stay. Someone recovering from emergency surgery is a lot different that someone who will be in rehab for six weeks from a broken bone. Also, someone who is cognitively alert and can express their needs is tremendously different from, as an example, a stroke victim who has difficulty communicating to staff & doctors.
Also, the distance and individual responsibilities that you have beyond your parent can be a factor. Our mother was hospitalized numerous times in the years before she died. All four of her children lived out of town, four to seven hours away, plus all of us had full time jobs and young children. While we did take turns being there for most of her hospital stays (taking off of work & leaving our families behind) the primary responsibility fell on our father, who was semi-retired/self-employed at the time. Also, our mother was cognitively aware & could communicate quite well with her doctors (until her last illness).
And, people should know their own parents/loved ones. Do they want you there because they need the help dealing with or understanding the doctors & nurses or because they are bored & lonely and are doing it as a guilt trip?
Last edited by germaine2626; 02-08-2016 at 06:17 AM..
When my dad, brother and daughter were hospitalized (different times) I visited approximately an hour in the morning and an hour in the late afternoon. Their needs were being met and I didn’t feel I needed to remain longer. When I had questions for the doctor I left a note on the white-board in their room and/or through the nursing staff and received a response from the doctor in return via the nursing staff. When all three were initially hospitalized, I had accompanied them to the ER and remained with them for several hours after they were in their hospital room (and thereafter visited 2x day).
How long do you usually visit? Especially if you know they will be hospitalized for several days, or perhaps a week.
My mom who is 85 is giving me major guilt that I'm not with her 24/7. My visits have been around 7 hours per day.
The aides at Mom's hospital are almost non existent (1 for 12 beds), so I try to help her with as many things as possible. I'm glad my timing has been such that I've been able to meet with her doctor, PT, OT, etc.
We have a large family, so when my father was in the hospital for about a month, he was never alone.
My mom was in the hospital for 3 days and one of us was there - even grandkids would take turns staying.
Of course not everyone can do this, so do not feel guilty.
I think it makes a difference if a parent is capable of advocating for her or his self while in the hospital. If not, then the more you can be there the better. They are often under staffed but like the second poster said, not everyone can do the extended visits. The word 'visit' makes it sound social which it isn't if a parent needs an advocate to get the care they need.
OP, try not to let your mom put a guilt trip on you or you put one on yourself. Seven hours a day and timed to able to talk to all your mom's doctors and therapists is doing well. As she gets better and/or can ask for what she needs from the staff you can shorten your stays.
This is very important. I feel very sorry for any elderly person in a hospital who doesn't have an advocate.
OP, you're not just going to visit, you're going to check up on the level of care. It doesn't take too long to see if they nurse on duty is a slacker. Or the CNA that says they will be right back with a cup of water never to be seen again.
I have experienced this first hand. It's actually scary between mistakes with meds to someone sitting in wet sheets for the last two hours, while you see staff having what appears to be casual conversations.
A family member being there and the staff knowing a family member who has no problem speaking up(doesn't mean you have to get rude) can make all the difference.
I always think of "Terms of Endearment" and the "give my daughter her shot" scene.
Try not to compare yourself to others. When my mom was in the hospital I took off work and I was able to visit her. I spend most of the day with her. At night I would go home, occasional she would call and ask me to come back which I would. However, my sister working full time didn't visit her at all. She lives there, so this was a chance for me to give her respite from being at my mom's beck and call.
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