Stuck at home as only caregiver (provider) (child, adult, parent)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Nope, no disabilities, just a combination of bad luck and really low income. I lived on my own for about a year when things were more or less ok, but when they couldn't afford rent anymore they needed my help. They are good people and felt guilty asking me to come back, but they had no other choice. I didn't mind back then..it was almost 8 years ago. They raised me and gave me everything I needed to finish college, get my first job and never asked anything in return. I am very grateful for that, but didn't know that it will be such a long term commitment, that I'm now realizing is affecting me personally and is making me look for a way out.
If I wasn't around or unable to help, they will probably turn to my relatives, who don't live paycheck to paycheck, but in no way are comfortable paying a second rent.
Section 8 program seems to be frozen and it is anyone's guess when it will reopen.
Just don't know what to do..
I don't think you understand what the word caregiver means.
I thought when I opened your thread it was someone who was actually doing hands on caregiving for an elderly parent or very ill family member with no help from relatives. Possibly even giving up your job in order to do this.
That's not the case.
Many people who are middle class end up leaving the NYC area and suburbs due to the high COL and head to places like NC. It's not uncommon upon retirement age to relocate. Your parents need to look into that. Find a lower COL state to move to.
I'm originally from NY, and live in Southern CA(not exactly cheap) but I was taken aback at how much more expensive NY is now on a recent trip. $13.50 to cross the George Washington Bridge, insanity. I don't smoke, but I noticed cigarettes were over $10 a pack. Got charged for a refill on an iced tea in diner. Point is NYC isn't the place to live in your parents situation.
The solution is your parents need to move, PA is much cheaper and that keeps them not too far from you. Even going upstate past Albany might be an alternative.
Nope, no disabilities, just a combination of bad luck and really low income. I lived on my own for about a year when things were more or less ok, but when they couldn't afford rent anymore they needed my help. They are good people and felt guilty asking me to come back, but they had no other choice. I didn't mind back then..it was almost 8 years ago. They raised me and gave me everything I needed to finish college, get my first job and never asked anything in return. I am very grateful for that, but didn't know that it will be such a long term commitment, that I'm now realizing is affecting me personally and is making me look for a way out.
If I wasn't around or unable to help, they will probably turn to my relatives, who don't live paycheck to paycheck, but in no way are comfortable paying a second rent.
Section 8 program seems to be frozen and it is anyone's guess when it will reopen.
Just don't know what to do..
How about income based senior housing? Are they 62 or over?
OP, I have nothing of merit to add except to say that I have a close friend, age 66, who has dedicated virtually her entire adult life -- and certainly the last 30 years of it -- caring for her parents. Her father suffered from a progressive chronic health condition and, when he passed, her mother did not handle it well, so my friend felt obligated to help her through this period of grief. Years turned into decades; her mother is now 92, and my friend is feeling the depths of the sacrifices she has made. Meanwhile, her brother stepped away from the situation, married, raised a family, and after being widowed recently, he is on to the next phase of his life without care nor worry about whether his mother will be looked after.
Would work on any education available that will get you into decent paying job. You may need a housing situation with two floors and install kitchen/living room on each floor. This may also increase the time you can spend on outings like meetup.com groups which are activity groups located in all major cities for all kinds of interests. The cost is very minimal to use this forum to meet new friends....Can be VERY helpful to have your parents around when you do have children as free babysitter is worth so much. This may just be your lot in life kind of....Hopefully your parents pay will be able to cover their expenses, food, hopefully more and you can advance in a career far enough to bring in enough money to provide the housing and cover all your own expenses, plus some.
Lots of millennials never got to leave their parent's homes and many more were barred from higher education/career training as local college is not worth the money due to discrimination, way out of date curriculum or whatever reason. Many older folks have had to stay in marriages, unable to divorce, before they couldn't survive on their own and needed each other to pay for the kids. Lots of people look a pay cut and many more went on disability pay since 2008 just unable to keep doing their old work that caused health problems, no other alternative employment available in their area.
Please consider getting into some hobbies that are cheap and find some way to recharge yourself like travel where you can or yoga practice/exercise.
Is almost un-heard-of for most cities to let someone into Section 8 so quickly as Vegas stories, might be a senior apartment deal. In most cities of 1 million, will need to ride it out 4 years on someone's couch or love-less marriage opportunity to move into that city's Sect 8 if you are new to area...Some states now have a minimum work hours quota too unless providing child care.
Exception is small town senior housing and some limited rural Section 8 programs. If your parents are working low-paying jobs, may just search out some rural housing programs/senior housing arrangements. The jobs are still listed in newspapers you will probably have to access by picking up newspaper at local gas station, fill out applications/resumes and then try to get job there....then fall into open discount housing slot. Can go easier if you have money saved up so you can rent the place for a couple months without employment then start to apply for local work once you get into Section 8/Senior Housing. Some places are so desperate to try out new workers, some experience or computer skills will get you hired within a couple weeks of a move to new area as long as you have local place to stay. Must have local place to stay to get hired easily in new place is my experience.
Is almost un-heard-of for most cities to let someone into Section 8 so quickly as Vegas stories, might be a senior apartment deal. In most cities of 1 million, will need to ride it out 4 years on someone's couch or love-less marriage opportunity to move into that city's Sect 8 if you are new to area...Some states now have a minimum work hours quota too unless providing child care.
Exception is small town senior housing and some limited rural Section 8 programs. If your parents are working low-paying jobs, may just search out some rural housing programs/senior housing arrangements. The jobs are still listed in newspapers you will probably have to access by picking up newspaper at local gas station, fill out applications/resumes and then try to get job there....then fall into open discount housing slot. Can go easier if you have money saved up so you can rent the place for a couple months without employment then start to apply for local work once you get into Section 8/Senior Housing. Some places are so desperate to try out new workers, some experience or computer skills will get you hired within a couple weeks of a move to new area as long as you have local place to stay. Must have local place to stay to get hired easily in new place is my experience.
You are quite right. It is not section 8, it is subsidized senior housing. Here is where he lives and it is not a dump. I would live there! And the all bill paid thing is a big deal here. You can easily use $300 per month in air conditioning in the summer.
The OP needs to come back and provide more information about the whys and wherefores of this situation if we're to really be helpful. More info about ages, education, employment financially resources and sources would be helpful.
Basically, all we've heard so far is about a person living at home to help out financially. And?…...
I agree - we need to know more about his parents? Are they retirement age? Unable to work? Income isn't enough to pay rent & bills? Plenty of people are living with family these days because of the high cost of rent especially in places like NYC. Even where I live in Florida a single person cannot afford a one bedroom unless they are earning at least $4K a month.
OP - would your parents consider moving someplace where the COL isn't so high? Do they have other children? Could the three of you move to a multi-family situation like a duplex or a "mother-in-law" place so you have your own space? Can you afford to live on YOUR own?
I agree with what others have said. You are 33 years old and want to have your own family. How can you do that living at home with your parents? I don't know if you are a man or woman but either way I can't imagine it's easy to bring a date home to your place now.
^^ That said, I LOVED living at home. I'm 56 and would be there today if I could! You kidding. Mom to cook (most of the time), shared to no housing and utility costs -- what's not to love. I did get the privacy I needed. I only moved out because I got a sweeeeet deal on a sheriff sale house that I couldn't pass up. After I moved out I'd still go by the family house a couple of times a week, walk in the kitchen and see what was on the stove for the asking.
This subforum is mostly dedicated to "HEALTH" care giving.
In other words - providing care for someone who suffers from some sort of condition/disability (mental/physical).
The type of care you seem to be providing your parents seems to be financial (which is awesome of you) - but this subforum might not be the best place to give you suggestions.
You might want to try the NYC subforums or even "Personal Finance".
Best of luck!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How old are your parents?
