"But, I still recognize him!" (comment from a fellow caregiver) (child, adult)

[germaine2626]

All, occasionally I will share something especially memorable or thought provoking that I have learned/heard through one of my caregiver support groups.

One of my groups is primarily a "learning & information group". We will have a different speaker every month on topics such as current research in dementia/Alzheimer's, legal issues, practical caregiving skills, etc. This is a large group and we only have time to share very brief updates or tackle the most pressing emergency needs of one of the participants.

One of my fellow caregivers continues to care for her spouse at home. He has significant, significant difficulties, needs to be bathed, diapered, dressed, fed by hand, and lost the ability to speak months ago. While he does go to adult day care several days per week and they have an adult child living with them who "helps out" the majority of the care falls to the spouse. Frankly, most of us are amazed that she still is able to manage his care at home.

Over the past months she has expressed frustration when extended family, friends and acquaintances constantly ask her "Does he still recognize you?" This past month she brought it up again and said something that really resonated with the group. "I know that he does not recognize me, but, I still recognize him. And, that is the important part."

There was dead silence and you could tell that quire a few people had tears in their eyes. And, I imagined that all of us were picturing our loved ones in their prime, and we were "recognizing" and remembering the person that we have known and loved for so many years. At least, I know that I was doing that.

[dj10]

Thanks for sharing that story. I love her reply. Very powerful statement.

[silibran]

Good story, Germaine. Her friends were concentrating on something that was not relevant to her. She knows she "recognizes," or loves him.

She sounds like an amazing person.