Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefret
There's a difference between someone who wants to be a presence for their loved one and those feel required to be there because it is "the right thing to do". This difference can be very apparent in the conduct of the family towards to the patient.
The daughter sitting quietly at bedside for many hours reading or knitting because she wants to be with her mother at that time is different from the family having a wake at bedside with their sodas and McDonald's bags and loud conversation.
There are cultural differences and you are right in that we should not make fun of those differences but often I would look at a family, eating their McDonald's fries in front of a person who is never going to take another mouthful, and think "how can you think this is appropriate?"
I've always had a problem with "the right thing to do" and feel that actions should be freely undertaken out of the goodness of one's heart and not because of guilt or worry that others will think that I am not doing "the right thing".
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefret
Then--and I don't mean to make fun of people----but there are those who feel it's important to be at bedside at the time of death but are very uncomfortable in that situation. We called them the wall sitters. They should sit with their chairs against the far wall, sometimes with an "old home week" atmosphere as far flung relatives arrived to be part of the scene. The obituary would read "surrounded by loving family".
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nefret
None of my co-workers would see anything wrong with that. Just as calling a patient with frequent admissions a "frequent flier" is not considered a slur. Dealing with families in a stressful ICU--- of course we can't help but see how different families react to the situation. Doctors and nurses work long hours with minimal breaks --- sometimes no break at all over a 12 hour shift and their ways of coping and various comments can be very off-putting to an outsider. If you want to be offended, be a fly on the wall in any OR in this country.
I do apologize and should not have said that. What I see as a cliche, may not be seen that way by someone using those words. I myself would use very different words in that situation but your words are meaningful to you and I have no right to criticize.
My husband's cousin said those words to her dying mother and the mother's sister and husband who were in the room took great offense, saying that cousin was encouraging her mother to die. The cousin, like you, felt that, for whatever reason, felt that was something she was supposed to say.
I also apologize to all here that I may have offended. Medical professionals have to have a sense of detachment in order to do their jobs effectively. Every hospital I have worked in has emphasized courtesy and professionalism in dealing with patients and families. What goes on during report at change of shift is a different matter and there can be brutal frankness there.
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WOW.
Don't worry. The fish rots from the head. Any experienced person is well aware of the "detachment", hostility and animosity the everyday hands on mass market medical profession has towards patients and families. It's not a big secret. That's why they had to invent the position of "Advocate". And terms like PATIENT centered blah blah blah.
Oh, detachment?
Hmmm. Since this generation of medical professionals thinks it's all about THEM, I'd say it's anything BUT detachment. Unfortunately their attachment is to themselves and resentful of the patients. It's not OUR fault the profession has turned into a meat market sweat shop. Yet the public keeps demanding WORSE treatment by expanding government control and less patient accountability or competition. Just look at the VA.
Agreed. If you want to be EDUCATED - be a fly on the wall in any medical facility in the country when they can't see or hear you.
Better yet, make good friends with the hospital ADVOCATE immediately when you walk in the joint.
Well since we're into
brutal frankness, we can go there.
I'd call it snarky condescension. Talk about TONE DEAF. You're still trying to justify your comments because you work long hours and "stress"?
It's not the WORDS it's the ATTITUDE.
In what universe are you justified to MOCK peoples' obituaries because their families don't conform to the behavior YOU want? KNITTING. Judging "The conduct of the family"?? Really??
I know a TON of moms who would be THRILLED to have their family in the room talking, telling stories and eating at that juncture. People who are dying aren't thinking about eating french fries.
Detachment means one develops the skills to not let your professional actions be influenced by emotions. It's not a license to project all your professional complaints and personal opinions on your PAYING CUSTOMERS. It's also not a license to dehumanize the patients and families and even be perfectly FINE with not performing the job correctly or worse, with malfeasance.
Irony. Detachment? I'd say these apparently pervasive attitudes are anything BUT detached in light of extremely insulting personal opinions. That HOSPITAL (and adjacent) WORKERS have the right to judge motivations of people who show up when someone they love is dying. As if they even KNEW anything about the patient in their better days, no less.
I'm pretty emotionally detached myself but if you dared say THESE comments to ME at a hospital, you really wouldn't want to hear my response or my actions taken up with the hospital administration.
BTW it's NOBODY'S BUSINESS what a daughter said to her mother. Not a husband or any other relative.
Wanna discuss DETACHMENT? I could write a book. And it wouldn't be pretty. Starting with my mother who wasted away to 50 lbs. in a private pay SNF for a year in her own urine and feces so we had to do it ourselves and pay private just to clean her and make sure she even had a damn blanket. Or the staff who refused to get her up from DAY ONE in "rehab" because they claimed she "refused". Weird since she was totally paralyzed from a stroke and couldn't talk. EVERYTHING walked out of her room. Glasses, teeth, clothing, BLANKETS. Detachment. "Who cares if she can see, right? She's gonna die eventually anyway and meanwhile we get $5,000 per month in 1999 from a lady we can ignore. And don't you dare threaten to discharge her or we'll go to court and stop you!"
Or the creep male ER LPN who threatened to call security on me (go ahead try it) when I insisted on a female to cath my client for a urinalysis as she was already on the border of a full blown mid-stage dementia freak out in the ER with him screwing around under her gown while she was held in the most uncomfortable position with the super heavy cervical collar/neck brace for HOURS while the entire ER was almost empty. Detachment.
How about charting meds when you didn't see the patient take them and just left them on a tray? Detachment?
How about illegally restraining a client just because she refused to go to the shower in an ALF? Detachment?
Or the entire staff of my BF's 3 month ICU picnic where they wanted to let him lay in a soaking wet sweaty bed after his morphine doses for a FULL SHIFT because they didn't even feel like HELPING ME change the sheets. I had to send his FRIENDS to sit guard in his room to make sure everything was done properly and they responded to him since he broke nearly every bone in his body from the waist up and had a trache and halo for a brief time.
Don't get me started.
OUR list is much more severe and disgraceful than anything the medical "professionals" could come up with- "How dare you eat McDonalds!". I don't usually trash these workers here but I CAN if you tempt me.
Of course if everyone in the business was held to proper standards there would be practically NOBODY working there. Which is why they get away with importing low wage workers from other countries to fill the gap.
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