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76 year old father was diagnosed with Leukemia two years ago. My parents are divorced but my mom took him back because he had 1 year to live.
He's now in remission and Oncologist considers my dad a "miracle patient".
He has a history of bipolar/manic depression, heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity (300+ pounds), alcohol and opiate abuse. He's on 7 different medications all that interact with alcohol.
His issues are now magnified and make everyone who tries to help MISERABLE.
He refuses to:
- take or not take meds
- shower (he goes 6+ months at a time!)
- get out of bed/walk
- see doctors
- although not a suicide risk, daily says he wants to die
- chronic fall risk
- constantly complaining of how terrible he feels
- told my mom he was going to go on an alcohol bender
- refuses physical therapy, wants everyone to do everything for him: dress him, put his shoes on and practically feed him, although physical therapists say he's capable and should be MADE to do all of this. This infuriates my father because he's so lazy.
- wants to be pushed around in a wheelchair, hurting our hands because of his morbid obese size and refuses an electric wheelchair.
He was recently rushed to the hospital over body tremors because he refused professional opiate detox. (Due to the government crackdown, his pain management doctor cut him off.) They found nothing wrong with him and assigned him a psychiatrist, whom he refuses to see.
- He screamed at my myself, my mother and nurses in the hospital refusing rehab.
- He's burnt bridges with all his family members in Chicago over his belligerence and extensive care giving needs. No one wants to take care of him because he's a volatile, mean, nasty, lazy old man.
We live in toilet town of Las Vegas, NV that do not seem to have any helpful resources. My mother is Power of Attorney, yet we are still unable to speak to doctors without my belligerent father being there!
After this last ER stint, we BEGGED the hospital for a victims advocate and case worker AND NONE WAS GIVEN! No one even spoke to us until I went on Yelp and threatened to go to the media. Then they were quick to give us a manager who finally updated us on my dad's situation, meds, ect. She promised to help, but DID NOTHING! We've since called her several times TO NO AVAIL.
Mom and I have both made at least 25+ phone calls trying to get him help in assessing dementia and Alzheimer's. No one knows anything here, or they NEVER return a phone call or are "sorry" for us, but can't help. They keep telling us to call 911 for emergency and the cycle repeats.
Even today, we called his primary care doctor who refused to speak to my mother or give us any resources for help! I've found resources in Phoenix, but he refuses to go. He fully admits he's unreasonable and doesn't care. We cannot have him removed without his consent!
WHAT DO WE DO?
OMG. I haven't read beyond this post, I just wanted to say I feel you. So many similarities with my brother. I am so sorry for your plight.
Thank you for your comments. Since I originated this thread, my mom and I had an intervention with my father, and he voluntarily committed himself to the mental unit. He spent 5 days in. Mom spoke to his psychiatrist and case worker. He was released heavily medicated two days ago, against both of our wishes. My mom continues to allow him to return.
Since he feels so great medicated, he's bonded with another female patient from the nutter house, who's trying to scam him out of $400!! It's supposedly to pay off the balance of her wig (which was originally $2500!).
She wrote down account numbers on a piece of paper. When I found the paper, I blackened out the numbers. My mom called the hospital before picking my dad up and the Dr. and staff spoke to both of them explaining this was not allowed. However, the scamming lady called his cell yesterday and this resulted into a huge blow up on my end. I'm sick to my stomach to sit here and watch him get scammed.
My father is furious at me for yelling at the lady in the background to "stop scamming my father!" and my mother has asked me just to let him do what he wants. This situation is so messed up. I'm working on just saving myself. This is still upsetting to watch a family member get hustled!
Last edited by WildSpark; 12-14-2017 at 09:11 AM..
When you take him to the ER they will ask for contact information. Give them his phone number for your contact information. Don't provide the hospital with a way to dump him back on you, unless you are taking responsibility/
This is a great suggestion! I will tell my mom, but I refuse to take him to the ER anymore. I'm working very hard to remove myself from this messed up situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007
He probably hasn't had a good run for 50 years.
You're right. He's been a psycho, miserable, angry sick man his entire life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GWTJ
P.S. He's got major depression. Cancer qualifies for the Nevada Medical Cannabis Program, too.
Nevada also has semi-legal cannabis, with lower possession limits but no Dr. visit needed. It is sold in dispensaries that advertise online. Most provide expert advice.
The oil works better than smoking it, though many smoke it to treat depression and say it saved their life. Smoked form treats about 65 conditions and oil form treats a few hundred conditions. If he can inhale OK, vaporizing the oil may be best, effect is almost immediate. If vaporized, it is heated to a point below combustion, no smoke just steam, improves percent absorbed. If swallowed, effect might take an hour or more. Best wishes.
He already has his MMJ card.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007
It is pretty sad, but I would say the group consensus is y'all step aside and let him go to ell in his own way. The only new idea is buy him a supply of dope and let him die a happy man.
I agree with you. I often encouraged him to stay on opiates, but his pain management doctor has cut him off completely. He's unable to find an indefinite RX.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Izzie1213
Try this place, HHS, health and human services in Nevada. Look at the bottom of the page for programs for senior and click on that.
Explain to them you nor your fathers ex-wife are able to care for him any longer and he needs to go into long term care........ Remember if he ends up at hospital, the hospital cant discharge (neither can a rehab/nursing home) him with out a place to discharge/release him to if he can't care for himself. They will be forced to care for him until they find a place to discharge him to, probably a place that accepts medicaid for reimbursement since it sounds like he has little or no assets. Do not allow them to discharged him to your or your mom's care since she no longer can physically or mentally take care of her ex-husband.
You just need to get tough and dig in your heels and no longer offer those services to him, you just can't do it anymore.
They will not roll him out the door to the street in his wheelchair and leave him there, it's illegal for them to do so.
He still has too much money, but I will review this resource! Thank you for the comment!
You say your mother has money. She needs to use that for counseling to understand why she still allows an abuser to return to HER home and why she is still afraid of him to the point of letting him be scammed. It seems like she is terrified of rocking the boat. Seriously, she needs help. This is not a healthy situation for her.
As far as the woman scamming him, this is a type of elder abuse and should be reported to the police. I would bet this is not the only person she has scammed. Watch her disappear when you inform her she has a police complaint against her. Try to block her number.
If your mother refuses to help herself, you are right to save yourself. I would be worried, though, that your mother herself will be scammed out of her money and you will be left holding the bag.
You say your mother has money. She needs to use that for counseling to understand why she still allows an abuser to return to HER home and why she is still afraid of him to the point of letting him be scammed. It seems like she is terrified of rocking the boat. Seriously, she needs help. This is not a healthy situation for her.
As far as the woman scamming him, this is a type of elder abuse and should be reported to the police. I would bet this is not the only person she has scammed. Watch her disappear when you inform her she has a police complaint against her. Try to block her number.
If your mother refuses to help herself, you are right to save yourself. I would be worried, though, that your mother herself will be scammed out of her money and you will be left holding the bag.
Thank you for your comment. I agree that my mother needs help too. She was mentally, physically and emotionally abused as a child and obviously has carried it through her adult life.
I just got off the phone with the mental hospital reporting this woman. Against everyone's wishes, I will also go to the police. Good idea! Thank you.
My mom has gotten scammed too. It's frustrating and draining trying to help two elderly behaving like children.
Thank you for your comments. Since I originated this thread, my mom and I had an intervention with my father, and he voluntarily committed himself to the mental unit. He spent 5 days in. Mom spoke to his psychiatrist and case worker. He was released heavily medicated two days ago, against both of our wishes. My mom continues to allow him to return.
Since he feels so great medicated, he's bonded with another female patient from the nutter house, who's trying to scam him out of $400!! It's supposedly to pay off the balance of her wig (which was originally $2500!).
She wrote down account numbers on a piece of paper. When I found the paper, I blackened out the numbers. My mom called the hospital before picking my dad up and the Dr. and staff spoke to both of them explaining this was not allowed. However, the scamming lady called his cell yesterday and this resulted into a huge blow up on my end. I'm sick to my stomach to sit here and watch him get scammed.
My father is furious at me for yelling at the lady in the background to "stop scamming my father!" and my mother has asked me just to let him do what he wants. This situation is so messed up. I'm working on just saving myself. This is still upsetting to watch a family member get hustled!
I'm not seeing a scam here. The lady wants money (for whatever reason) and has asked your father for it. He can choose to give it to her or not. How is she scamming him? Is she promising him something that will never happen?
You say your mother has money. She needs to use that for counseling to understand why she still allows an abuser to return to HER home and why she is still afraid of him to the point of letting him be scammed. It seems like she is terrified of rocking the boat. Seriously, she needs help. This is not a healthy situation for her.
As far as the woman scamming him, this is a type of elder abuse and should be reported to the police. I would bet this is not the only person she has scammed. Watch her disappear when you inform her she has a police complaint against her. Try to block her number.
If your mother refuses to help herself, you are right to save yourself. I would be worried, though, that your mother herself will be scammed out of her money and you will be left holding the bag.
Is it illegal to ask a friend for money? Or would the police be interested for some other reason?
Is it illegal to ask a friend for money? Or would the police be interested for some other reason?
If someone asked my elderly parent for hundreds of dollars after "knowing" them for 5 days in the medical situation described, I would be very concerned. I would not consider that a normal request from a virtual stranger.
OP said it was against the rules of the facility to begin with. I would certainly not consider that person a "friend".
The police usually have records of previous complaints, as we found out when a suspicious situation was reported - 14 complaints to be exact. If there was no malicious intent, I would still view this situation with much caution.
Is it illegal to ask a friend for money? Or would the police be interested for some other reason?
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrock4
If someone asked my elderly parent for hundreds of dollars after "knowing" them for 5 days in the medical situation described, I would be very concerned. I would not consider that a normal request from a virtual stranger.
OP said it was against the rules of the facility to begin with. I would certainly not consider that person a "friend".
The police usually have records of previous complaints, as we found out when a suspicious situation was reported - 14 complaints to be exact. If there was no malicious intent, I would still view this situation with much caution.
I agree. There is a HUGE difference between a friend that someone has known for years or for decades asking to borrow a few hundred dollars and a person that you just met a few days ago in a mental hospital or psychiatric ward while on large amounts of medications. A HUGE difference in those situations.
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