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I got a call that my dad's organs are failing, esp his kidneys, due to congestive heart failure. He's at the hospital now. My sister is on her way to talk to the dr. They said keeping him on dialysis will give him maybe 1-4 weeks of living, but he wont get better, it just prolongs his condition. Without the dialysis he may die within a week. My sister doesn't know what to do. I am across the country. We know my dad did not want anything invasive but it just seems so hard to say let's stop all treatment.
Sorry I'm just jotting down my random thoughts here. (my dad is 86)
My husband is saying we should make plans to go. Is now the right time? We are very limited in how long we can be away so I want to go when the "best time" would be for when my sister and mom need me.
I'm a strong advocate for not putting off the inevitable. What your dad wants is the only thing that matters. If he wants to endure dialysis and get a few extra days to wrap his head around what's coming, say his goodbyes, etc., then let him have that. On the other hand, if he wants nothing invasive and prefers to let nature take its course, call in hospice for support and make his death as pain-free and peaceful as it can be.
Grief is going to hit you either way. Anticipatory grief is WORSE than actual grief. I used to think I'd do anything possible to save someone's life and stave off that grief, but having walked that journey a few times now, I see that my own selfishness and fear were really the drivers.
I wish you and your family the best in the days ahead.
My husband is saying we should make plans to go. Is now the right time? We are very limited in how long we can be away so I want to go when the "best time" would be for when my sister and mom need me.
I think so, if you get there soon, you may still be able to have a conversation with him, or that may no longer be possible, if you go the no dialysis route, he may not be around for much longer.
I am also so very sorry for you and your family. I would listen to your husband and get on a plane ASAP. If you need to make arrangements for your pets do that now. The sooner you get to your Dad the better.
My Mom was close to dying (she is 95) and I told her if she wants to go, then go (she also has DNR). I didn't want her to suffer. I stayed with her all night and in the morning something strange happened and she wanted breakfast. She is doing well today. I know the day will come when she will no longer be around so I really feel for you.
Would your father consider dialysis invasive? It's not like surgery for a feeding tube. Is your father cognizant? Is he able to tell the doctors what he wants?
As for when you go - do you want to tell your father good bye or are you only interested in being there for your sister and Mother?. I would want to see my father while he was still living and hopefully while he was able to know I am there. Your family dynamics may be different.
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