Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My in-laws are from Latin America and it is customry to support the parents if not entirely then in some part. I know this is not only Latin America.
There are 4 children over the age of 38. Two are married and two are not. The unmarried siblings live at home and contribute to the home, upkeep and so forth. The two married siblings live in South Florida. I am married to one of them.
The parents own a condo here in South Florida that they have owned for many years. My husband has been maintaining this condo for years which includes taxes and condo dues plus any major expenses. The in-laws visit several times a year otherwise the condo remains empty and really is more or less a storage unit. This is now costing us over $6000 a year.
We can no longer afford to maintain the condo yet we want support the in-laws (my husbands parents). We cannot give them money because they turn around and give the money to the married sister who lives here.
Does anyone have any ideas what we can do to help the parents? Thank you and sorry for the rambling.
My in-laws are from Latin America and it is customry to support the parents if not entirely then in some part. I know this is not only Latin America.
There are 4 children over the age of 38. Two are married and two are not. The unmarried siblings live at home and contribute to the home, upkeep and so forth. The two married siblings live in South Florida. I am married to one of them.
The parents own a condo here in South Florida that they have owned for many years. My husband has been maintaining this condo for years which includes taxes and condo dues plus any major expenses. The in-laws visit several times a year otherwise the condo remains empty and really is more or less a storage unit. This is now costing us over $6000 a year.
We can no longer afford to maintain the condo yet we want support the in-laws (my husbands parents). We cannot give them money because they turn around and give the money to the married sister who lives here.
Does anyone have any ideas what we can do to help the parents? Thank you and sorry for the rambling.
Oh how I hate the family politics that surround in laws. But since you asked....
If they are only at the condo a few times a year why not rent it to vacationers the rest of the year? I know there are websites that you can list your condo for rent daily, weekly or monthly. You could hopefully make enough to support the condo fees and make a little extra for the parents, which in turn would get you off the hook for supporting them. How does that sound?
Great idea, but the condo laws don't permit vacationers. Thank you so much for your thoughts.
Ok then if they are only there several times a year and you and your sister-in-law both live there why not sell the condo? You won't be on the hook for the fees and there's probably some equity in it by now so they can have a little nest egg. Also so they don't keep giving the money to your sister you do send them instead offer the support in the form of directly paying whatever expenses for them you can afford to pay (electric bill, phone bill, food cards, etc) that way you know where the money is going. If none of that works then just sit down with your husband and tell him you guys can't afford to keep doing this and he needs to let his parents know not to expect it anymore, be honest with them. They are his parents and I'm sure they love him. They probably just think you guys have more money than you do but if they knew they were financially burdening you I'm sure they wouldn't want that either. Hope this helps, I'm out of ideas. Good luck, I hope you do find the answer you are looking for.
Many thanks for the tip. They either think we have more money or they are simply not aware of the rising costs here. My husband arrives back from his trip tomorrow and he wants to talk to them about this and resolve this issue.
Also, you mentioned the exact same thing I said to my husband. There are other ways we can support them and really make a difference. This condo thing is a luxury that is just ridiculous. Again, many thanks - you helped a lot.
Perhaps sit down with your in-laws. Lay the issues out calmly and logically. Let them know you are seeking a solution that will be helpful to you and them.
It is not easy to have a first conversation like this. I know first-hand with my elderly mother. But, if you frame the conversation with your love and caring, you may be surprised at how much such a conversation accomplishes.
As my dear husband reminds me, people can't read minds. I hope this idea is worth considering.
curious how old are the inlaws? offer a savings plan for when they are really needing it such as hospice or something so they won't have to live off the state, just in case. Also look into cost of renting them a place nearby when they come to visit, sell the condo for sure if you can in this market. I think the idea of paying their bills or at least one is great. Another question is do they really need the assistance right now? If not and you sell the condo look into a CD bond or something else that is safe right now to invest in for their later on years.
Also when you sit down to chat with hubby suggest strongly a plan of action for all the family ( bros and sisters ) to chip in something and not take no for an answer. Write a simple plan of action and have everyone sign it. I see it alot around here where a family says they will all chip in gladly to help mom and dad out... then it all falls to one family member. The only way to do it is to make sure all are onboard in some way no matter how small.
might make a list of who is doing what currently and a list of what could be done what will be needed in the future etc. Having it all in writing puts a interesting light on the subject and will give everyone an a-ha moment. good luck.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
