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Hello fellow cat peeps! I’m looking for some guidance – and hopefully some reassurance that this is just a phase? I’ll try and make this as short of a story as possible but I wanted to give you some background.
Last year my 16 year old resident cat passed away. I was only a week from bringing him home an 8 week old brother whom I named “Bolo”. Bolo was one of 5 kittens abandoned by their mother and rescued by my coworker and his wife. They hand fed the kittens and found homes for all of them. After some research online I decided to get Bolo a friend as I didn’t want him to be alone all day. About a week before Bolo was to come live with me I adopted a 3 year old little girl from the local SPCA. She had recently had a litter of kittens and they were all adopted except for mom. So I took her home in the hopes she would be a foster mother to Bolo – and because she was just so darned sweet and beautiful! I named her Gracie. After going through the proper steps for introduction, Gracie and Bolo were BFF’s. They still are.
For the first 6-7 months, Bolo was very affectionate. He’d always be on my lap and he loved to knead and suckle. If I didn’t pay attention to him he’d reenact Jack-and-the-Beanstalk on my leg. He’d always sleep in the crook of my arms or legs at night. He had moments of play fighting and he knew he went too far when I’d sternly say, “No” or “Hey”. Then he would go right back to being loving, sweet and affectionate.
But in the past 2 months or so Bolo has become more and more distant. He just hangs by himself most of the time. When he does want to be around, however, he can act like such a little snot all of a sudden. He’ll be lying next to me all sweet and mellow and content. I’ll reach over to stroke him when out of nowhere he’ll bat my hand with his ears partially back. He knows that is a no-no so after he does it he immediately bolts. He’ll do this with Gracie, too. She’ll be lying at the foot of my bed when he’ll just jump on her back, wrap his arms around her neck and bury his snout into her neck. She’ll just get up and walk away and he’ll bat her behind as if to provoke her again.
I don’t know what is going on. He turned 1 year old this month. Is this some sort of feline adolescent behavior that will change as he ages? I don’t mind if he wants to be independent and less affectionate but I don’t understand how he’ll approach ME for attention and when I give it to him he swats my hand away in a not-so-nice way. Every once in a while he will bite me, too. It’s not vicious or hard but there is an aggressive undertone to it. In those cases I immediately react verbally and then walk away.
He got neutered, btw, when he was around 5 months. Aside from the loss of his jingle bells, nothing has changed in my household. It has always just been the 3 of us. I work during the day and home in the evenings. His food is the same, he has his own litter box, food bowls and toys galore. His attitude change has nothing to do with any environmental changes.
What can I do? Should I just let him be and continue correcting him when he, out of the blue, acts like a sh**-head? I respect his wishes but it upsets me that during a loving and tender moment he’ll just flip the script. I miss the kitty that would lie like a little baby in my arms. But most importantly, I don't want to do anything that upset him. He doesn't seem to be unhappy though. He struts around with his tail held high, playing with toys and always rubs up against my legs when I get home from work.
And Gracie has been in my household for a week longer than Bolo and she has actually become more loving and affectionate. It took her time to finally believe I was her forever home.
Sounds like a normal growth phase to me, especially given his age. As long as you are positive there is no health issue..he is eating, peeing and pooping? No limping? No hiding away in dark corners for hours on end?
When he approaches you for attention, when you pet him he is making it clear that you are not giving him the kind of attention he wants when he bats at you. My guess is, he doesn't want petting, he wants play.
How often do you play with him? Does he have a cat tree? Forts? Scratching posts?
So when he comes and flops next to you don't reach out with your hand. Reach out with a toy. I would suggest a stuffed animal or other stuffed toy that he can wrap himself around and kick and bite to his heart's content. When he's done with that involve him in a Game with a string on a stick type toy.
I recently responded to someone else needing suggestions on how to keep a cat interested and active. Here's the link to my posts in that thread.:
Sounds like a normal growth phase to me, especially given his age. As long as you are positive there is no health issue..he is eating, peeing and pooping? No limping? No hiding away in dark corners for hours on end?
When he approaches you for attention, when you pet him he is making it clear that you are not giving him the kind of attention he wants when he bats at you. My guess is, he doesn't want petting, he wants play.
How often do you play with him? Does he have a cat tree? Forts? Scratching posts?
So when he comes and flops next to you don't reach out with your hand. Reach out with a toy. I would suggest a stuffed animal or other stuffed toy that he can wrap himself around and kick and bite to his heart's content. When he's done with that involve him in a Game with a string on a stick type toy.
I recently responded to someone else needing suggestions on how to keep a cat interested and active. Here's the link to my posts in that thread.:
Hi Catsmom -- thank you so much for your response!
I am 99% positive there is no health issue. He is eating, peeing and pooping with no problems. He only hides when the doorbell rings but other than that he likes to be on display. No limping or excessive paw licking.
There are two cat trees in the house in front of windows but he prefers lying on his blankie in the front living room bay window. He has no interest in scratching posts for some reason. His sister is a different story -- and it involves my couch.
Before reading your post last night I decided to stop petting him before he had a chance to swat me away. I gave him "just enough" and went on my way. After reading your response I took out Bolo and Gracie's favorite feather-on-a-wand toy and they WENT TO TOWN! I had all of us panting by the time we were done running down the hallway and spinning in circles.
For the first time in a long time, he laid next to me in bed and stayed there all night long. I thought it was Gracie until I rolled over and saw Gracie. I was so happy!
I admit, I did get lax with my play time. Need to start incorporating that into our bedtime routine and see what happens. He was still a little bit of a brat this morning but I know consistency is key.
Cats at that age have so much energy that they don't know what to do with it. ITA with more playtime. The favorites here are Da Bird and Cat Catcher (mouse toy on a string).
It's very common for kittens to grow up with a different personality than what you see as a baby. Freyja was adopted at 4 months old. She was so loving, always jumping on our laps and napping beside us. By 6 months old, her personality changes. She is still friendly and loving but very independent. She no longer sits on our laps as much, maybe once or twice a week. She prefers to sleep alone on her cat tree.
This is all natural behavior. Cats are generally independent creatures that are sociable on their terms. They need to be this way and develop fears, likes and dislikes, in order to survive. By 6 months, that's when mom cats would expect them to be on their own although daughters tend to stay with mom longer as the studies have shown from feral colonies.
This plus the hyperactive teen stage drives a lot of new cat owners nuts. Many give them up after the cuteness is gone, thinking the cat has changed into a terror and is unmanageable.
Accept your cat for what he is. And he will love you more for that.
This plus the hyperactive teen stage drives a lot of new cat owners nuts. Many give them up after the cuteness is gone, thinking the cat has changed into a terror and is unmanageable.
Accept your cat for what he is. And he will love you more for that.
Thanks for your insight, cheesenugget! And I promise, never in a million years, would I give up my Bolo. I think Gracie would ask me for a one way ticket back to the shelter if I even considered it. She already wanders the hallways looking for him when he's not in her sight. She likes to hunt her stuffed animals and drop them at his feet as if to say, "Look what mom got you for dinner!".
I am just mourning his baby years. Just like any mom who see's their children grow up and become more independent.
Great advice and input, and I can only add from my experiences that with maturity a cat's preferences for how to interact with us can change.
Whereas a kitten might adore chin scratches, belly rubs, long pats the length of his/her back, full-body contact, etc., when the kitten turns into an adolescent, some of these contacts just don't feel so wonderful anymore.
As kittens, all of mine took to whole-body contacts, but as they grew up preferences changed. I have to always remember that Callie loves belly rubs, but Speedy does not. Speedy adores chin rubs, but Giselle can't stand them. Giselle likes to have her cheeks rubbed, but Silver isn't too keen. Most times Speedy just wants to sit by me with zero interaction (just body against body), but when Callie jumps up she's expecting belly rubs. How each tells me I've forgotten a preference varies, too. Callie grabs my arm with no claws. Speedy grabs my arm with claws to make a point without drawing blood (still working on that ... grrr). Giselle departs quickly with a hiss (she's a very vocal cat in all respects). Silver keeps head-butting me until I pay attention.
I'll admit that there are times when I miss the "smothering" cuddles with baby Speedy (she was a big-time cuddler), but there really is something special about the all-grown-up Speedy with her warm body against my leg when we're sitting on the couch. Quite peaceful.
So, Bolo's come-here-go-away behavior may be that he just wants to be near you, maybe just body-to-body or body-near-body. Perhaps your reaching out isn't what he wants right then, and that's why he swats. Though an inappropriate reaction, there's good news that he knows it's inappropriate because he departs right away.
You could try this to hopefully eliminate the swatting ... when he's next to you, slowly start reaching out and closely watch him and the signs that he's thinking "I don't want this and I'm thinking about swatting." Watch his eyes or ears or tail or the hair on his back for any changes. As soon as you see a signal, slowly pull your arm back. He'll begin, or should begin, to learn that a simple tail flick or wide-open eyes or ear movements have a better effect than a swat.
Great advice and input, and I can only add from my experiences that with maturity a cat's preferences for how to interact with us can change.
Whereas a kitten might adore chin scratches, belly rubs, long pats the length of his/her back, full-body contact, etc., when the kitten turns into an adolescent, some of these contacts just don't feel so wonderful anymore.
As kittens, all of mine took to whole-body contacts, but as they grew up preferences changed. I have to always remember that Callie loves belly rubs, but Speedy does not. Speedy adores chin rubs, but Giselle can't stand them. Giselle likes to have her cheeks rubbed, but Silver isn't too keen. Most times Speedy just wants to sit by me with zero interaction (just body against body), but when Callie jumps up she's expecting belly rubs. How each tells me I've forgotten a preference varies, too. Callie grabs my arm with no claws. Speedy grabs my arm with claws to make a point without drawing blood (still working on that ... grrr). Giselle departs quickly with a hiss (she's a very vocal cat in all respects). Silver keeps head-butting me until I pay attention.
I'll admit that there are times when I miss the "smothering" cuddles with baby Speedy (she was a big-time cuddler), but there really is something special about the all-grown-up Speedy with her warm body against my leg when we're sitting on the couch. Quite peaceful.
So, Bolo's come-here-go-away behavior may be that he just wants to be near you, maybe just body-to-body or body-near-body. Perhaps your reaching out isn't what he wants right then, and that's why he swats. Though an inappropriate reaction, there's good news that he knows it's inappropriate because he departs right away.
You could try this to hopefully eliminate the swatting ... when he's next to you, slowly start reaching out and closely watch him and the signs that he's thinking "I don't want this and I'm thinking about swatting." Watch his eyes or ears or tail or the hair on his back for any changes. As soon as you see a signal, slowly pull your arm back. He'll begin, or should begin, to learn that a simple tail flick or wide-open eyes or ear movements have a better effect than a swat.
That's what I have to do with my girl Gypsy. She's easily over-stimulated, and will grab/nip/bunny-kick my hand if I'm not paying attention. There's not much warning other than her eyes suddenly become more focused on my hand right before she grabs it. I've learned over the years to watch her closely while petting her. She's really very loving and loves attention most of the time, but can have a short fuse on occasion.
It's very important for us cat guardians to be able to read their body language & signals. It's one of the few ways they have to communicate with us... and point out our mistakes ().
Wow, they really do look alike! And not only that, my Bolo's personality is very similar to Finnigan. Especially with the toilet paper and how they walk around checking everything out.
Finnigan is just adorable! But then again, I do have a thing for tuxies!
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But most importantly, I don't want to do anything that upset him. He doesn't seem to be unhappy though. He struts around with his tail held high, playing with toys and always rubs up against my legs when I get home from work. 
As long as you are positive there is no health issue..he is eating, peeing and pooping? No limping? No hiding away in dark corners for hours on end?
