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I'm so sorry. My Teddy died the same way about two months ago. DH had to go pick up the little pine box at the vet today because I just. can. not. do. it.
It is not your fault.
It is amazing to me how many condolence notes we've received. We had a lot of professionals working to save him his last week: ophthamologist, dermatologist, emergency medicine ... and some of them made donations in his name. It's very thoughtful, but every time I get one of these notes I start bawling again.
You did nothing wrong, sometimes this is something out of our control, or even the control of the Vet. We have all second guessed ourselves when this happens, so you are not alone.
So very sorry for your loss. All of us who have been through it know the pain and tears. Just know that you gave Lily a wonderful home with all the love she needed. I really hate to see these sorts of threads, as I can feel the pain you are going through.
I had surgery and am catching up on posts. I know firsthand the guilt you're having, but please don't blame yourself. You did everything you could and thought was right. Sending love, and please remember to take care of yourself.
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