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As many posters know, I am a transplant, who moved away from the NYC Metro area, to get away from certain behavioral characteristics (unfortunately) now common to New Yorkers.
As a child, a true New Yorker was defined by his/her knowledge of basic culinary treats (e.g. who had the best pastrami on rye), or what means of public transportation will transport a passenger from point 'A' to point 'B' the fastest.
No longer.
In far too many circles, todays New Yorker is defined by ugly behavior.
Before moving to the Carolina's, I was warned about the number of transplants relocating here, from the very areas I moved away from.
Here are two instances of behavior i've encountered in the past month:
1) At a casual family style restaurant. Kids (3-5 year olds) are yelling and carrying on, treating the restaurant furniture like a jungle gym. Standing on the booth seats for the entire duration of their meal. Along with their Parents, talking very loudly and carrying on.
2) Yesterday at Walgreens. Little boy threw a tantrum in the middle of the floor, between two cashiers. Tantrum lasted for several minutes. Boy didn't appear to be autistic. Parents placated the boy. Treated the Walgreens like it was their own personal living room!
There are many more examples of boorish behavior that I can offer. Suffice as it is to say, the Southern way of handling it is to stare, whisper, a "bless his heart" utterance, etc.
The New Yorker way is to approach the offender, and strongly suggest that they remove themselves from the premises.
In many cases, the Southern populace doesn't know how to handle this type of boorish behavior. I don't want to complain to management, for they seem to ignore poor behavior when they see it.
Thoughts?
What's a good way of handling the above types of social situations, without involving Mgt., in a way that's in keeping with the predominant Southern culture?
As a long time regular here from LI I have to admit not knowing where you come from in the NYC metro - not sure you ever specifically said where... it could mean many different places. For me growing up downstate (we know upstate NYers don't count) - I felt a true NYer was defined as having street smarts and a highly attuned bull$#@! detector. It seems to me everyone everywhere always is about where to get the best particular type of food.
Since I only have your 2 examples to go by here - to be honest, it seems you've fallen into that typical child rearing trap you hear from folks who either don't have kids or are empty nest with kids gone. You see these "out of control" kids and "terrible" parents - usually in restaurants... You know, because everyone is an expert in raising other people's children. It happens all the time everywhere and I'm not sure you'll ever avoid it completely.
In the end, I do not get the connection from these events to a generalization about NYers and ugly behavior... at all.
Location: The place where the road & the sky collide
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NDL
Exactly!
You expressed this phenominan perfectly.
The question is: how can it be countered?
I really don't see it much out here. I have seen people remove themselves & the child from the establishment if it starts.
In South Jersey it was also a transplant phenomenon. People there also ignored it, unless the child got into their personal space. In a store the response would then be to ask the parent to please keep the child with them. In a restaurant, the response would be to ask to be moved.
As a long time regular here from LI I have to admit not knowing where you come from in the NYC metro - not sure you ever specifically said where...
In the end, I do not get the connection from these events to a generalization about NYers and ugly behavior... at all.
I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts .
I have avoided referring to the area of my birth, for two reasons: First, I don't like to typecast an entire people - not only would painting with a broad brush be unfair, for there are many good, fine and decent New Yorkers - making broad sweeping generalizations inaccurate; second, I have lived in several places, in the NYC metro area.
To those who might respond with: "You don't want to paint with a broad brush, yet you claim that NY'ers are ugly!" - the stereotypical New Yorker is one who's portrayed as being brash. There's a reason people say: "I want this done in a NY minute!"
New York City's Mayor Giuliani banned the honking of horns, in intersections. There's a reason that the Mayor created laws regarding "civility" and "quality of life" issues.
Be it considered ugly by some, or different, by others, the predominant culture that exists in New York is in stark difference to that of the predominant South, which scolds or ridicules people, with "Bless his/her heart!"
No region has a monopoly on bad or good parenting.
Two observations. All these kids are grown now.
The next door neighbors are a NY family from Westchester county. This Itallian family raised the best behaved kids on this street. On the other hand, there is a bank executive down the street who has raised 3 devil children and IMO, at least one, will end up in jail if they haven't been put there already. They are from Georgia.
In South Jersey it was also a transplant phenomenon. People there also ignored it, unless the child got into their personal space. In a store the response would then be to ask the parent to keep the child with them. In a restaurant, the response would be to ask to be moved.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts .
South Jersey is indeed different than Central/North Jersey, and many areas on Long Island.
I suppose the best way to handle it is to ignore it. Sometimes that can be difficult, when a motorist uses their horn as though they were game show contestants on Family Feud.
Is this kind of behavior rampant in CLT? No. But then again, I moved down South, to get away from all of this nonsense.
I have avoided referring to the area of my birth, for two reasons: First, I don't like to typecast an entire people - not only would painting with a broad brush be unfair, for there are many good, fine and decent New Yorkers - making broad sweeping generalizations inaccurate; second, I have lived in several places, in the NYC metro area.
To those who might respond with: "You don't want to paint with a broad brush, yet you claim that NY'ers are ugly!" - the stereotypical New Yorker is one who's portrayed as being brash. There's a reason people say: "I want this done in a NY minute!"
New York City's Mayor Giuliani banned the honking of horns, in intersections. There's a reason that the Mayor created laws regarding "civility" and "quality of life" issues.
Be it considered ugly by some, or different, by others, the predominant culture that exists in New York is in stark difference to that of the predominant South, which scolds or ridicules people, with "Bless his/her heart!"
Well it would be helpful to understand the context to your opinions. Which do seem to be centered around examples of bad parenting... which definitely makes me wonder if you raised kids yourself. Experience is relevant in this regard.
Some call what happens in NYC (per your example) a "nanny state" - you can see examples of this from other Mayors carrying on a tradition in the city. One could argue quite easily that government shouldn't be defining "civility" and "quality of life" through legislation. It's a libertarian nightmare... and I do not believe these laws make NYC any more "civil" than other cities.
I still don't understand the connection to your examples and NY. Were the families from NY? Were you watching reactions from people who from NY? Did some native NC folks comment? Where does it all tie in to kids behaving badly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barфsa
No region has a monopoly on bad or good parenting.
Two observations. All these kids are grown now.
The next door neighbors are a NY family from Westchester county. This Itallian family raised the best behaved kids on this street. On the other hand, there is a bank executive down the street who has raised 3 devil children and IMO, at least one, will end up in jail if they haven't been put there already. They are from Georgia.
No region has a monopoly on bad or good parenting.
Two observations. All these kids are grown now.
The next door neighbors are a NY family from Westchester county. This Itallian family raised the best behaved kids on this street. On the other hand, there is a bank executive down the street who has raised 3 devil children and IMO, at least one, will end up in jail if they haven't been put there already. They are from Georgia.
I appreciate your impartiality , though I meant to use the above examples as illustrations that point to an extreme form of narcissism.
Am I suggesting that any area/region stakes the claim to narcissistic people/tendencies? No.
Yet down South, there's a greater semblence of what's considered acceptable behavior. In other words, you still hear many school children refer to their elders as "Ma'am" and "Sir."
Likewise is it considered improper, to honk when the traffic light turns green.
Such traits may seem insignificant to some, but they add to the civility of an area. Taken away, things can get ugly.
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