need advice from parents who have to decide if they live near one child or another (townhouse)

[westoreast]

We are in a point of our life where we need to decide if we live on the east coast or west coast.
We have adult children on both sides.
We know we can't afford California, but at the same time, we would love to live near our grandchildren, but then what happens when our east coast children have children?
Any thoughts or suggestions????

[28173]

Originally Posted by westoreast

We are in a point of our life where we need to decide if we live on the east coast or west coast.
We have adult children on both sides.
We know we can't afford California, but at the same time, we would love to live near our grandchildren, but then what happens when our east coast children have children?
Any thoughts or suggestions????

At first I would make arrangements to be near the kid that needs me the most (has to come from them, not my perceived need). As things change, I will balance the need while talking with my kids.

[28226]

If you can't afford the one, then your decision is made. Otherwise, I would consider: how likely are they to move? Who would appreciate your proximity? What are your social opportunities like in either place?

[westoreast]

I agree...that was the question I posted to them. What happens if you get transferred. The answer...just move with us. Don't think they realize the older we get, harder to move and expense.
My husband thinks we should just move to a place we want and then go there when we can. Problem is, and the guilt sets in, we were told we want them to grow up near their grandparents. Yikes!

[goldenage1]

Originally Posted by westoreast

We are in a point of our life where we need to decide if we live on the east coast or west coast. We have adult children on both sides. We know we can't afford California, but at the same time, we would love to live near our grandchildren, but then what happens when our east coast children have children? Any thoughts or suggestions????

One friend located near the Outer Banks so that all the sets of children would have a place they would want to bring the grandkids during the summer. They have a small townhouse for themselves, plus a beach house.

[js4life]

Originally Posted by westoreast

I agree...that was the question I posted to them. What happens if you get transferred. The answer...just move with us. Don't think they realize the older we get, harder to move and expense.
My husband thinks we should just move to a place we want and then go there when we can. Problem is, and the guilt sets in, we were told we want them to grow up near their grandparents. Yikes!

I tend to agree with your husband . We have four kids & now have 4 grandkids whom we love & enjoy but it's also time for us to enjoy our lives. So we see the grands as much as possible & we continue to have 1 or 2 family trips per year. We're taking the whole family to Disney this year & went on a cruise last yr. The grands can also come visit you also

[stan4]

OK. If you cannot comfortably afford, decision kinda made for you.

But all other things being equal, it might be better to figure out which couple or family is more receptive to your presence and participation in their daily lives. For example, we live near my parents on purpose. Because we like them and we want them to have a very large presents with our kids. Also bc I love this town and neighborhood.

Now their home is just like a second home to my son. And he sees them several times a week, as do we. If anything, having the children has created a new, fun, better relationship between all of us. And we all enjoy each others company.

[Gapeach69]

I think you have to look at what would be good for you guys, not so much which kids needs me more. You said you can't afford CA, is that where they live? Because if you move to a nearby state that is still a lot of traveling. And if there's a chance they could job transfer, no way would I make the move. You are adjusted to east cost living and have at least one kid on the east coast, I would stay in that area. Tell other kid to keep an eye out for job transfers to the east coast. lol My kids are getting older and I have thought about what it would be like to be in that predicament. Not easy.