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Scenario.... I have lived with my girlfriend going on 4 years. We have been dating going on 7 years. We just got engaged recently. Before we moved in, we never really thought cohabiting before marriage was a bad idea. We live as christian of a life as possible. We both go to,a lutheran church for about 2 years, and upon asking the pastor if he could provide marriage counseling, he suggested we all go to the courthouse and get the marriage license ASAP so we can essentially erase our past flaws )living togather before marriage). We dont want this. We should of been up front with him right away when we started attending the church. When we met, he got out a large piece of paper and wrote 80%, signifying the percentage of people who get divorced who live togather before marriage. I didnt think of asking this due to feeling intimidated, but i wanted to ask him how can you, we and god work togather to be that 20% who maintain a succesful marriage. We are essentiallyndecided to leave the church because its gonna be hard too feel welcomed. I want to stay, but what do i do? Thanks
Scenario.... I have lived with my girlfriend going on 4 years. We have been dating going on 7 years. We just got engaged recently. Before we moved in, we never really thought cohabiting before marriage was a bad idea. We live as christian of a life as possible. We both go to,a lutheran church for about 2 years, and upon asking the pastor if he could provide marriage counseling, he suggested we all go to the courthouse and get the marriage license ASAP so we can essentially erase our past flaws )living togather before marriage). We dont want this. We should of been up front with him right away when we started attending the church. When we met, he got out a large piece of paper and wrote 80%, signifying the percentage of people who get divorced who live togather before marriage. I didnt think of asking this due to feeling intimidated, but i wanted to ask him how can you, we and god work togather to be that 20% who maintain a succesful marriage. We are essentiallyndecided to leave the church because its gonna be hard too feel welcomed. I want to stay, but what do i do? Thanks
To begin with quit living together. If you care about someone you do not bring them into sin. Then if your feelings for each other are strong and both really want a Godly life, get married. Changing churches does not change what you are currenly doing. Not living to God's standards but your own is what has led many to divorce. Their wants came first. Easy no, but then neither is a successful marriage nor a genuine relationship with God.
Shop for a church that cares more about their parishioners' spirits than their sex lives or living accommodations. There are many (at least in Canada).
Good luck. I hope you and your betrothed have long and fulfilling lives together.
To begin with quit living together. If you care about someone you do not bring them into sin. Then if your feelings for each other are strong and both really want a Godly life, get married. Changing churches does not change what you are currenly doing. Not living to God's standards but your own is what has led many to divorce. Their wants came first. Easy no, but then neither is a successful marriage nor a genuine relationship with God.
Scenario.... I have lived with my girlfriend going on 4 years. We both go to,a lutheran church for about 2 years, and upon asking the pastor if he could provide marriage counseling, he suggested we all go to the courthouse and get the marriage license ASAP. We dont want this.
I'm confused. You're engaged to marry your girlfriend, you ask your pastor for marriage counseling, your pastor suggests you go get married, but neither of you want to get married. Why are you unwilling to get married now?
Scenario.... I have lived with my girlfriend going on 4 years. We have been dating going on 7 years. We just got engaged recently. Before we moved in, we never really thought cohabiting before marriage was a bad idea. We live as christian of a life as possible. We both go to,a lutheran church for about 2 years, and upon asking the pastor if he could provide marriage counseling,he suggested we all go to the courthouse and get the marriage license ASAP so we can essentially erase our past flaws )living together before marriage). We dont want this. We should of been up front with him right away when we started attending the church. When we met, he got out a large piece of paper and wrote 80%, signifying the percentage of people who get divorced who live togather before marriage. I didnt think of asking this due to feeling intimidated, but i wanted to ask him how can you, we and god work togather to be that 20% who maintain a successful marriage. We are essentially decided to leave the church because its gonna be hard too feel welcomed. I want to stay, but what do i do? Thanks
I'm a little confused. You said you are engaged, but, when the pastor suggested that you even go and get a marriage license, you balked. It sounds to me like he is asking if you are really committed to getting married .... before he essentially sanctions your long-time union with marriage counseling. If your answer is "no" or "maybe" or "possibly sometime in the distant future", he probably feels like you are asking the church to endorse and bless your union ... without the benefit of marriage.
"Living as Christian a life as possible" is an interesting and all-too-common perception. It suggests that one is not fully committed to Christ, but, is attempting to appear and behave like a Christian. Ironically, Christians are the "bride of Christ" and He, likewise, is not really interested in our 'religious motions', church attendance or anything else short of a true and full commitment of our lives.
Essentially, you seem to be saying, “we want to ‘live like Christians’, but, we still want to do what we feel like doing and hope to find a church that is okay with that.” Perhaps I'm mistaken, but, it sounds to me like you have commitment issues on two fronts; neither of which is going to be resolved by simply going somewhere else where you ‘feel more welcome’.
There is not Christian law which dictates spiritually that Christians have to be married in Church , as You can be married anywhere you like and then through your prayers with Jesus , you consecrate you marriage with your covenant with Jesus Christ outside the church in your prayers ..... If the Pastor rejected your cleansing to Lord Jesus and made you unworthy in His eyes then it is best to find a different church , as if the Pastor cannot pray for you then you will not be blessed there in His church and division can come and this can invite demons , so best to find a different church..... Another thing to do is not confess sin to the Pastor , as many leaders in some churches are rooted in condemnation and have No gifts for redemption of Christ through Jesus Holy spirit
That man has no right to tell you what you can and can't do. You love your girlfriend, and you don't need to be married to move in with them. It's the 21st century and if people judge you for that, they you don't need to be around them and their centuries old mindset.
Get married in your own time, and as you want to keep your religion going, just attend a more accepting church. That 80% figure is a load of Moderator cut: delete I can tell you that. It is a scare method to simply put you off moving in together.
Do not let this get in the way of your relationship, as that is what really matters, not an outsider with a white collar. Enjoy your life, plan the wedding, and do it in your joint home.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-03-2014 at 09:18 PM..
Reason: language
I'm a little confused. You said you are engaged, but, when the pastor suggested that you even go and get a marriage license, you balked. It sounds to me like he is asking if you are really committed to getting married ....
No it doesn't!! It sounds like a pastor is forcing marriage onto a couple who may not be ready. Finances, planning are the main two things you need to think about. You don't get married over night, unless you go to Vegas!
Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton
If your answer is "no" or "maybe" or "possibly sometime in the distant future", he probably feels like you are asking the church to endorse and bless your union ... without the benefit of marriage.
No he isn't, he just wants to feel accepted living the lifestyle they have chosen, which is completely fine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton
Essentially, you seem to be saying, “we want to ‘live like Christians’, but, we still want to do what we feel like doing and hope to find a church that is okay with that.” Perhaps I'm mistaken, but, it sounds to me like you have commitment issues on two fronts; neither of which is going to be resolved by simply going somewhere else where you ‘feel more welcome’.
The only thing he needs to be committed to is his fiancee. They can get married when they like without being judged by you or anybody else. Frankly it's pathetic that you are judging somebody else's life because you don't feel he isn't as Christian as you are.
Moderator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 02-03-2014 at 09:16 PM..
Reason: rude and attacking
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