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It is difficult to continue to believe that "Jesus loves you" when one cannot FEEL that love. We are supposed to believe it, we are taught that he loves us, but when one has no feeling or sense of being loved, and I'm talking about for years, decades, it is very hard to maintain the faith that God's love is there and that some of it is for you.
If your immediate urge is to response with bible quotes or examples like "LOOK HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU, WHY GOSH OH GOLLY HE STRETCHED OUT HIS ARMS AND DIED!!!", you are not understanding what I am saying. I'm talking about the knowledge through experience of feeling loved. When all is black and you feel so very alone, it is almost impossible to cheerily persuade yourself that you are loved, even by God.
I still struggle with this, but I came back. I wanted to be an atheist, tried to be, because it would be better to believe in no God than one who just doesn't seem to like you for some reason you can't fathom. I know others feel this way, as well, so I would ask that you not ridicule or sneer at another Christian's doubts or struggles with their faith or spout glib bible verses as if they effect an instant cure. I debated actually writing this post because it can be painful, and the reasons I came back, and was not able to disbelieve, are really a bit too complicated and personal to include on a message board post.
The lyricist of the hymn, Holy, Holy, Holy wrote the words, "Though the darkness hide Thee" for a reason.
MQ, we all have feelings like this. I will not dismiss them. Much of the Psalms deal with King David's feeling of "aloneness". My wife and I have been together for 40 years, yet occasionally I will ask her, "Do you still love me?" I know she does, but I don't always feel it. *She always says yes, btw. Scripture reminds us that God knows every detail about us, even when a hair falls from our head, and that He cares for us, like no other.
One of the reasons I officially dropped my Christian faith is that, after a couple years of disinterest, of not attending church or praying or making any effort to try an please God, I felt like I was the exact same, like the whole Christianity thing had been nothing but extra fluff in my brain space. Would any of you consider stopping your religious practice as a test to see whether it meant anything in the first place?
How can I not believe even experimentally, that which I know to be true. That's like asking:
Eusebius, would you even consider not believing your name is Eusebius?
As an experiment, no. It happened anyway. It continues today. It's not like I wanted to "drop" Christianity. The easiest thing in the world would have been to remain Christian. Tons of people around me are Christian (which makes "acceptance" easier), I'd have gotten a free ticket to heaven just by accepting Jesus of my savior, I'd have had a ready-made answer for anything and could have stopped questioning. I'd have LOVED to have remained a Christian.
One of the reasons I officially dropped my Christian faith is that, after a couple years of disinterest, of not attending church or praying or making any effort to try an please God, I felt like I was the exact same, like the whole Christianity thing had been nothing but extra fluff in my brain space. Would any of you consider stopping your religious practice as a test to see whether it meant anything in the first place?
That's pretty much what I did. After years of grappling with the beliefs of my upbringing, I eventually walked away. Now I'm very cautiously wading back in, and my perspective now is very different. It's now on my own terms, based on my own life experiences and on what I've found to be true and not true.
I believe, like Socrates, that the unexamined life isn't worth living. I think we should all hold our beliefs up to regular scrutiny and try to expand our horizons. Anything you find good and true will surely withstand the test. Anything that doesn't, wasn't worth keeping.
How can I not believe even experimentally, that which I know to be true. That's like asking:
Eusebius, would you even consider not believing your name is Eusebius?
In your POV and the POV of other "believers", perhaps that's what it's like.
In others' POV, it is more like being asked to believe your eyes are blue, not green, and that you only see your eyes as green because a magical being has not presented you with the grace to see that your eyes are blue, and a being warring with it is deliberately putting an invisible shadow over your eyes so that you can't see the blue.
But if you don't make yourself "believe" it, you're doomed.
Go ahead. Try and "make" yourself believe something that, well, you just don't believe.
For example, try to make yourself believe that Krishna is flying around heaven in his blue skin. No. Try harder.
You're not trying hard enough. You must have an insincere heart.
One of the reasons I officially dropped my Christian faith is that, after a couple years of disinterest, of not attending church or praying or making any effort to try an please God, I felt like I was the exact same, like the whole Christianity thing had been nothing but extra fluff in my brain space. Would any of you consider stopping your religious practice as a test to see whether it meant anything in the first place?
This idea that religion is a practice bothers me. Then again, religion as a whole just seems bat-crap crazy.
Since I was young, religion has always been a set of tradition, practices and observances. Very little in spirituality.
I tried for years to carry out the practice of religiousosity, and it just became more burdensome than practical. Those around me who also were practicing religion seemed to be caught up in how their lives and practices measured up to other's practices. Then when the lights were off and the church was out of sight, all hell broke loose.
It took a few years before I realized no matter how much or often I practiced religion, I was just trying to appease myself. The acts/works were just a way of convincing myself I was walking in the light. In reality I was just a snobbish wanna be who found acceptance in a body of people who were shallow, superficial and self-righteous.
When I stopped focusing on the practice, tradition and oppression of being pompous, I started to understand what it really meant to connect with my neighbors. I fully understood the idea behind spirituality, NOT RELIGION. Religion is just another barrier that keeps neighbors from each other. Religion says others must be like me and there are no substitutions.
Spirituality says we are all on this sinking planet together and we better show some solidarity or we will all be subject to those who wield the power via wealth.
If we are serious about being able to do all things through Christ, then we ought to be serious about doing as Christ has done and would want us to do.
If throwing the money changers out was an act that brought out the passion and frustration in Christ, I think we ought to be willing to do the same.
I left practice behind and took up ACTIVISM and RESISTANCE as my cross and I'll be damned if I will allow a few to exert power and dominion over the masses any more than I am willing to watch as the masses continue to allow themselves to be owned.
There is more to life and worship than sitting in a cushy pew 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 days a week. Sitting in a coffee shop reading the good book and driving around in the Prius with pithy Jesus bumper stickers.
"The man with two bags of gold also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.'
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
-------------------------MATTHEW 25:22--23
This was not encouragement to get RICH, this is encouragement to do some WORK and get up off our duff.
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Scripture reminds us that God knows every detail about us, even when a hair falls from our head, and that He cares for us, like no other.
