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Again just trying to help without leading you anywhere, but just trust that any god is going to know and understand and not want you to have pain. So maybe just say 'It's ok. I meant well, I always did and maybe I failed, but God knows and understands.'
I don't know, but don't let people with this or that Biblequote wind you up into anxiety.
I don't know what denomination you're in, or if you're sure about it, but choose one or someone
in real life who you feel can help you with this - and talk to them in person.
If that person doesn't help you, see another, until you feel better about this.
If you feel you are unduly persecuted by any vex or curse, let me know.
Thank you for the input. I'm just confused at this point. People have one million opinions about scripture and what it says, what is right, and what is wrong, what constitutes "holiness" and "righteousness" and what doesn't, and they are blind to their own hypocrisy, or at least what others may mark as such. I think that is what I have seen. In light of all of this, I will be honest. I would heavily question the existence of God had He not spoken to me once, only once upon a time, though. I vowed that I would follow Him all the days of my life after that, but then I fell away in some dramatic way and lost all of the faith I had, because I, like the others I've spoken to, had my own beliefs about God and how to serve Him, and I went against those beliefs.
For one, I was taught that blaspheming God could be done even if you weren't aware of it, and that's why you should never speak about another person's church or the things that are going on. I didn't do that, but I took the name of God in my mouth, and...well, I think you know the rest. I did it because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just wanted it to go away. It wasn't an innocent act, though. I remember. I remember I didn't want to do it and started to say it under the idea that I wasn't really going to say it, but then I forgot, went about my business, and never really changed it. The whole time, my conscience was telling me not to do it, but it seemed fairly innocent to my mind. I wasn't really planning to say it, after all. That was the most foolish thing I've ever done. After that, I found myself completely unable to have faith, no dreams, no visions, no prophecies, just fear, like the Bible describes those that are lost. If that wasn't enough, I've continued to have tormenting thoughts about blaspheming God, to the point that little activities become something vile. I try to ignore it and even indulge in my "fact-finding ventures" to justify doing, or at least thinking, about things that are probably not great. I have a very inquisitive mind, and it used to not really bother me at all, but now it seems like almost everything can bother me.
At this point, I'm just tired. Religion, I'm not saying faith, but religion does seem to have the power to ruin people's lives. I remember a time when I was happy as a Christian. I wish I would have just stopped going to these churches!
I can tell you that this happened to me when I was younger. I was a pastor's kid, and lived across from the church/school that my father pastored and which I attended. In other words, the church was my LIFE. Looking back on it, I think I was just so immersed in the church culture and the church's teachings (some of which were really harmful, like being a miserable sinner deserving of God's unending anger and eternal torment) and with feeling that I was constantly on display and judged by the members of the church, that it caused a really strong psychological compulsion to break free. It was so oppressive, and that manifested itself in odd ways. I would literally have to fight with myself when I was in church, not to burst out in loud cursing. The guilt that came with that just added fuel to the fire. It was a really difficult merry-go-round to get off of.
Just telling you that you are not alone, and I 100% agree with you: religion has the power to destroy. Get out of it completely, or find one that does not try to convince you that God "loves" you but will be angry with you or punish you if you "mess up". That completely warps beyond recognition any sense of what love actually is or how a loving God would interact with you.
Thank you for the input. I'm just confused at this point. People have one million opinions about scripture and what it says, what is right, and what is wrong, what constitutes "holiness" and "righteousness" and what doesn't, and they are blind to their own hypocrisy, or at least what others may mark as such. I think that is what I have seen. In light of all of this, I will be honest. I would heavily question the existence of God had He not spoken to me once, only once upon a time, though. I vowed that I would follow Him all the days of my life after that, but then I fell away in some dramatic way and lost all of the faith I had, because I, like the others I've spoken to, had my own beliefs about God and how to serve Him, and I went against those beliefs.
For one, I was taught that blaspheming God could be done even if you weren't aware of it, and that's why you should never speak about another person's church or the things that are going on. I didn't do that, but I took the name of God in my mouth, and...well, I think you know the rest. I did it because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just wanted it to go away. It wasn't an innocent act, though. I remember. I remember I didn't want to do it and started to say it under the idea that I wasn't really going to say it, but then I forgot, went about my business, and never really changed it. The whole time, my conscience was telling me not to do it, but it seemed fairly innocent to my mind. I wasn't really planning to say it, after all. That was the most foolish thing I've ever done. After that, I found myself completely unable to have faith, no dreams, no visions, no prophecies, just fear, like the Bible describes those that are lost. If that wasn't enough, I've continued to have tormenting thoughts about blaspheming God, to the point that little activities become something vile. I try to ignore it and even indulge in my "fact-finding ventures" to justify doing, or at least thinking, about things that are probably not great. I have a very inquisitive mind, and it used to not really bother me at all, but now it seems like almost everything can bother me.
At this point, I'm just tired. Religion, I'm not saying faith, but religion does seem to have the power to ruin people's lives. I remember a time when I was happy as a Christian. I wish I would have just stopped going to these churches!
Just a few things...
Be encouraged that the Holy Spirit is convicting you of your sin. That means God is with you.
On the other hand, there is no condemnation for those in Christ. So be convicted and repent... but don't beat yourself up, and don't allow others to beat you up.
As you know, there are many, many, many voices and opinions out there that can steer you in a multitude of directions. It may be time to narrow your sphere of influence. Know how God speaks. He speaks through the Bible. Read and meditate on it daily. He speaks through other believers. Find a few people that you have confidence in that you know are strong believers and maybe have them help you be a disciple of Christ. Find a church where you believe God is working. God also speaks through circumstances if your soul is in tune with the Holy Spirit.
Focus on your relationship with God and grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ... but understand it will take others that God puts in your path to grow. Pray that God puts strong believers in your path for your growth.
Forget what some folks are trying to say is the Unpardonable sin. If you look it up on the internet, and I suspect you have, you will find half dozen different opinions right off the bat. I don't know what blaspheming the Holy Spirit really is and neither do any so foolish as to try to tell you.
But here is how I can guarantee you that you have done no such thing whatever it is.
Frankly, it's because the thought that you might have done so is bothering you so very much. Whoever has committed the unpardonable sin, God is no longer going to strive to bring to Him. They will no longer have a conscience regarding their own sin (although that doesn't mean they are psychopathic as they may still fear man's law).
You are driven by sin conviction brought about by the Holy Spirit who is striving to bring you closer to God. You can pray for forgiveness for you did and rest assured God will do so. He wants you for something grand---perhaps to be a blessing to someone who will bestow even greater blessings on others. God was able to forgive me for a sin far greater than any you think you "may" have committed. Since no one knows what that unpardonable sin is, every "answer" put forward is a guess. Mine was for real. And God simply would not be a God of justice to forgive someone like me while turning His back on one who is troubled because they may have committed a sin.
There is only one way to escape the burden of our past mistakes. We must live today---TODAY--for others. When we get busy looking for opportunities to lift others so that they perhaps can escape the suffering we ourselves have experienced, it is a cathartic spiritual moment.
Your very post is a blessing to me. Thank you for it. I can escape my own sinful past TODAY by encouraging you to take heart. God has not abandoned you. He is calling you to be more than you are, to try to be His child by helping those around you in any way you can.
Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never be, but TODAY you have been a blessing to an old man.
And that's why you absolutely have NOT committed an unpardonable sin.
Yup...the Pharasee didn't seem one bit bothered by this pronouncement...
Thank you for the input. I'm just confused at this point. People have one million opinions about scripture and what it says, what is right, and what is wrong, what constitutes "holiness" and "righteousness" and what doesn't, and they are blind to their own hypocrisy, or at least what others may mark as such. I think that is what I have seen. In light of all of this, I will be honest. I would heavily question the existence of God had He not spoken to me once, only once upon a time, though. I vowed that I would follow Him all the days of my life after that, but then I fell away in some dramatic way and lost all of the faith I had, because I, like the others I've spoken to, had my own beliefs about God and how to serve Him, and I went against those beliefs.
For one, I was taught that blaspheming God could be done even if you weren't aware of it, and that's why you should never speak about another person's church or the things that are going on. I didn't do that, but I took the name of God in my mouth, and...well, I think you know the rest. I did it because I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just wanted it to go away. It wasn't an innocent act, though. I remember. I remember I didn't want to do it and started to say it under the idea that I wasn't really going to say it, but then I forgot, went about my business, and never really changed it. The whole time, my conscience was telling me not to do it, but it seemed fairly innocent to my mind. I wasn't really planning to say it, after all. That was the most foolish thing I've ever done. After that, I found myself completely unable to have faith, no dreams, no visions, no prophecies, just fear, like the Bible describes those that are lost. If that wasn't enough, I've continued to have tormenting thoughts about blaspheming God, to the point that little activities become something vile. I try to ignore it and even indulge in my "fact-finding ventures" to justify doing, or at least thinking, about things that are probably not great. I have a very inquisitive mind, and it used to not really bother me at all, but now it seems like almost everything can bother me.
At this point, I'm just tired. Religion, I'm not saying faith, but religion does seem to have the power to ruin people's lives. I remember a time when I was happy as a Christian. I wish I would have just stopped going to these churches!
Maybe HaShem is trying to tell you that you are following the wrong path...
I'm constantly haunted with the idea that I've blasphemed against God and committed the unpardonable sin as mentioned in Matthew 12:32. In fact, anxiety about this used to haunt me to the point of obsession. I don't really understand what went on. It was like the more I hated and feared it, the more it tormented me. I eventually stopped running and gave in to it. I said a sentence that I shouldn't have said, forgot what I said, and eventually couldn't do anything about it. It wasn't an innocent act. It was calculated folly. Since then, I've been very confused and have felt unable to count on my own spiritual senses. I've relied on other people heavily to tell me that everything is going to be okay, but I haven't been able to find God for myself at all.
True to form, I've also indulged in everything a good Christian should not, at least thought-wise. It's very easy for me to justify certain behaviors as fact-finding ventures, but it doesn't keep me from feeling guilty.
"So often times it happens...that we live our lives in chains...and we never even know we have the key."
Maybe HaShem is trying to tell you that you are following the wrong path...
Maybe He is trying to tell me something like that, but I guess you aren't at liberty to recommend a type of church you think Jesus would really want me to go to.
I can tell you that this happened to me when I was younger. I was a pastor's kid, and lived across from the church/school that my father pastored and which I attended. In other words, the church was my LIFE. Looking back on it, I think I was just so immersed in the church culture and the church's teachings (some of which were really harmful, like being a miserable sinner deserving of God's unending anger and eternal torment) and with feeling that I was constantly on display and judged by the members of the church, that it caused a really strong psychological compulsion to break free. It was so oppressive, and that manifested itself in odd ways. I would literally have to fight with myself when I was in church, not to burst out in loud cursing. The guilt that came with that just added fuel to the fire. It was a really difficult merry-go-round to get off of.
Just telling you that you are not alone, and I 100% agree with you: religion has the power to destroy. Get out of it completely, or find one that does not try to convince you that God "loves" you but will be angry with you or punish you if you "mess up". That completely warps beyond recognition any sense of what love actually is or how a loving God would interact with you.
The unpardonable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit was specific to the time that Jesus was on the earth and cannot be committed today. It had to do with attributing the miracles that Jesus performed to Satan instead of the Holy Spirit. Jesus was addressing the Pharisees who continually rejected Him despite the miracles He had performed.
Indeed, the Pharisee's were adversarial, not some other entity.
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