Ok, Miss Blessed Momof10
Is that for real? You have 10 children?? If that's the case then I feel for you, I could barely manage one. I'm very sorry for the loss of your husband....that's been very hard on you, I'm sure. Cantwait2leave gave you some good book references (above) so maybe that will help. As far as submissiveness, maybe you were not the problem with these two past boyfriends. Sounds like, if you were the bread winner, that they were losers to begin with.
You probably went to your pastor seeking advice and all you got was him telling you that you were the problem. Being a self-assured, self-made woman, which I am sure you've HAD to be, does not mean you are controlling. You already know that God is in control, and you must go to Him in prayer about these things. But having to be self-sufficient is a good thing. It means you don't have to have a man in your life. A good one, a true man of God, is very hard to find.
All I can do is give you some scriptures that helped me, not so much with a man but with my relationship with Christ. I don't have a man in my life and I prefer it that way, but I'm not totally against a relationship with a man who loves the Lord above all else.
This really helped me even when I didn't have a husband:
Proverbs 31:10-31 (New International Version)
10 [
a] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
As far as what role a woman should play and how she should BE this speaks volumes. But it says nothing about losing herself in the process. Also, remember that woman was created to be a helpmate, not a slave. A good wife or girlfriend would be one who strives to be like the above, and a woman without a husband or boyfriend would also strive to be like the above. That's me. I learned it a little too late, but it applies to the relationship I have with my Savior.
Eve may have been created second but she was equal to and a part of Adam.
Genesis 2:24
Therefore shall a
man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his
wife: and they shall be
one flesh.
One flesh.......they shall be one flesh!! Does not say one is better than the other or even that they are separate.....but one. How can one flesh be anything other than equal?
Genesis 2:18-24
18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.
I will make a helper suitable for him."
Here we see that Eve was created as a "helper". God did not want Adam to be alone. She was created equally as they became one flesh.
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam [
a] no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs [
b] and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib [
c] he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman, [d] '
for she was taken out of man."
24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
And there you have it. No mention of submissiveness. A man and a woman were meant to complement one another so much so that they become one flesh. Yes, we have different strengths and weaknesses but that in no way means one sex is better than another or should be worshiped. It means we are equal, created equal and should treat each other with mutual respect. Hope this helps you somehow....I know I've rambled on and on but this is something that is close to my heart. I wish you all the best in your relationships and with your children.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I don't have time to respond right now but I will say that you are not the problem and that a woman is not required to be submissive to anything or anyone. I'll be back later to say more.
