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Status:
"Pickleball-Free American"
(set 5 days ago)
Location: St Simons Island, GA
23,466 posts, read 44,100,317 times
Reputation: 16861
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daed4lus
Do you live in and date in rural/suburban America? I'd be interested in what you have to say about the available men, who I would criticize just as harshly.
I do. I'm happily married (third time's a charm), and I'm not naive to all the dating landmines out there. But I frankly think it sounds like you're overanalyzing this. My impression is that you're a driven, goal-oriented and basically good-hearted person (must find perfect girl; deadline is 3/31/2018!); trust me, when it comes to love, it doesn't work that way.
She's out there; just be true to yourself and keep your antennae up. And Tampa (a city that I like very much) sounds like as good a place to start your journey as any; Scottsdale, too.
Sorry I sound like Dear Abby, but somehow you sounded like you were worth the time.
I do. I'm happily married (third time's a charm), and I'm not naive to all the dating landmines out there. But I frankly think it sounds like you're overanalyzing this. My impression is that you're a driven, goal-oriented and basically good-hearted person (must find perfect girl; deadline is 3/31/2018!); trust me, when it comes to love, it doesn't work that way.
She's out there; just be true to yourself and keep your antennae up. And Tampa (a city that I like very much) sounds like as good a place to start your journey as any; Scottsdale, too.
Sorry I sound like Dear Abby, but somehow you sounded like you were worth the time.
I get what you're saying, but I think the OP is just ready to find the person by finding someplace that has the types of women he thinks will be good for him. And while everyone is a person, especially those who are divorced, raising children on their own or remarried, etc. I do respect that he wants to find someone that he feels is right for him. No need to go beyond suggesting places in this case.
While much of what's said in that article is legitimate, most of it only applies if you are dating a woman who has her own life together. Do you have any idea of the quality of women available in, say, Crawfordsville IN or Greeley CO? Drug addictions, multiple children, etc etc. It's really bad out there for the bottom ~95% of the US. I've worked hard to elevate myself out of a poor background and get away from these kinds of people, so I feel I deserve a quality person. That person is most likely going to be found in a major city. That's where single people with jobs and educations congregate, I've found through much trial and error. I appreciate the article but of course I can handle basic things like not being late, basic grooming etc...the question is will the girl have an actual job/education, no children, not glued to her smartphone, no drug/alcohol/psychological problems...if you haven't dated in awhile this is now basically impossible in rural/suburban modern America unless we're talking about a high school romance that goes all the way.
I get what you're going for. It's not different for women TBH. There are a ton of bad men out there.
The phone criteria is particularly hard to find nowadays. Men and women, educated and uneducated, in big cities and small towns, stare at their phones like brain-dead zombies. It takes time to find someone who doesn't value this type of existence.
Regarding the places you're considering; I think it depends on a few things:
1. What do you consider walkable? A couple of blocks or a comprehensive neighborhood that has amenities and options for going out, shopping, living, etc? Scottsdale is going to give you a very limited experience compared to other options. It's really a matter of lifestyle IMO.
2. Do you want to date college women? That may also drive you to choose one place over another.
3. Is money really no option? In most cases, someone who makes $500k per year or has a bank account above $1M would feel that way, but NYC is really pretty expensive. You can find reasonable rent, but you'll have to make priority decisions.
4. Why not other cities? Any reason you wouldn't go from Tampa to Boston vs. Tampa to NYC? Many options exist between these two extremes.
Sounds like you're looking for an adventure and not a place to put down roots. Why don't you try NYC for a year or two, and if it doesn't work out, then move to one of the other places? If you've already visited and liked the scene then you should have a blast.
I do. I'm happily married (third time's a charm), and I'm not naive to all the dating landmines out there. But I frankly think it sounds like you're overanalyzing this. My impression is that you're a driven, goal-oriented and basically good-hearted person (must find perfect girl; deadline is 3/31/2018!); trust me, when it comes to love, it doesn't work that way.
She's out there; just be true to yourself and keep your antennae up. And Tampa (a city that I like very much) sounds like as good a place to start your journey as any; Scottsdale, too.
Sorry I sound like Dear Abby, but somehow you sounded like you were worth the time.
Ok then, I guess we can get along. Your original post came off very condescending so I responded in kind. I'm in no huge hurry, I have many good years ahead, but it would be nice to maximize my opportunities because it just doesn't happen in small towns. I am very prone to overanalysis, you're right, but in this case I think the analysis really makes sense. If I was looking for, for example, a beautiful black woman, you wouldn't tell me to move to Japan. Or Siberia.
Sorry if I came off a little harsh. In these relationships I get into with low-quality women, I end up cheated on and/or dumped. The last one ditched me for a multiple felon (attempted murder) with no job. I have since stopped taking any kind of crap from people, especially strangers, because that type of browbeating is what gets me into these situations to begin with. The low-quality ones are absolutely epic browbeaters.
I have traveled the world, own my own business, compete in martial arts and fitness competitions, and until recently was TOO nice. I think I deserve better than the type of girl who goes for criminals and bikers.
I get what you're going for. It's not different for women TBH. There are a ton of bad men out there.
The phone criteria is particularly hard to find nowadays. Men and women, educated and uneducated, in big cities and small towns, stare at their phones like brain-dead zombies. It takes time to find someone who doesn't value this type of existence.
Regarding the places you're considering; I think it depends on a few things:
1. What do you consider walkable? A couple of blocks or a comprehensive neighborhood that has amenities and options for going out, shopping, living, etc? Scottsdale is going to give you a very limited experience compared to other options. It's really a matter of lifestyle IMO.
2. Do you want to date college women? That may also drive you to choose one place over another.
3. Is money really no option? In most cases, someone who makes $500k per year or has a bank account above $1M would feel that way, but NYC is really pretty expensive. You can find reasonable rent, but you'll have to make priority decisions.
4. Why not other cities? Any reason you wouldn't go from Tampa to Boston vs. Tampa to NYC? Many options exist between these two extremes.
Absolutely! There are endless hordes of low quality men out there. I'm disgusted by many in my generation that just want to sit around playing video games, eating Doritos, and MAYBE earning a dinky paycheck. Cal me judgmental if you want, but these people are a huge negative drain on my energy and I can't be around them. I'm never going back haha. That is why I want to gravitate to where the best of both sexes congregate. High quality dudes make great friends. It's not just about the women. My criticism does not apply to all women at all, in fact I specifically say I'm looking for a good one, implying there are good ones. Unfortunately, it does apply to ALOT of them outside of the cities. And while I know there are some good ones in the burbs, I play the odds and the odds favor the cities.
1. Grocery store preferably organic (tampa has this), decent gym (tampa has this), restaurants and coffee shops and public hangout spots. You do consider Scottsdale limited? I remember Old Town being a pretty large walkable area. But it has been awhile and I can't remember if it was everyday stuff and not just bars and clubs. I'll have to visit soon. Tampa has all of this. NYC for sure does. I would be looking around union square / Washington square.
2. College women certainly don't hurt. Ideal for me is like 25ish but under that with her head on straight is just fine. Soho/Hyde park in Tampa is where all the university of Tampa people live and Scottsdale has ASU nearby in Tempe I believe. Don't know how much they venture into Scottsdale proper, or if it is an older crowd.
3. I am fortunate enough to currently make multiple seven figures per year. I don't show it, but it's nice to be able to have a lot of options. As I grew up poor, I still cringe when something seems expensive even when it isn't relative to my budget. The area in NYC I'd like has an entry price of about $3k/mo. You can spend much more than that, the sky is the limit in NYC, but I won't be doing that.
4. Not interested in Boston. I narrowed it down to these three to really focus. However, others in the running were San Diego (taxes), Santa Barbara (small? + taxes), Denver (winters), Charleston SC (never been + small), and some foreign ones (huge learning curve of learning another language and culture).
Status:
"Pickleball-Free American"
(set 5 days ago)
Location: St Simons Island, GA
23,466 posts, read 44,100,317 times
Reputation: 16861
Quote:
Originally Posted by daed4lus
Ok then, I guess we can get along. Your original post came off very condescending so I responded in kind. I'm in no huge hurry, I have many good years ahead, but it would be nice to maximize my opportunities because it just doesn't happen in small towns. I am very prone to overanalysis, you're right, but in this case I think the analysis really makes sense. If I was looking for, for example, a beautiful black woman, you wouldn't tell me to move to Japan. Or Siberia.
Sorry if I came off a little harsh. In these relationships I get into with low-quality women, I end up cheated on and/or dumped. The last one ditched me for a multiple felon (attempted murder) with no job. I have since stopped taking any kind of crap from people, especially strangers, because that type of browbeating is what gets me into these situations to begin with. The low-quality ones are absolutely epic browbeaters.
I have traveled the world, own my own business, compete in martial arts and fitness competitions, and until recently was TOO nice. I think I deserve better than the type of girl who goes for criminals and bikers.
I totally get it, and especially like the fact that despite your pitfalls your posts are still tinged with optimism.
If I were in your shoes (after re-reading your criteria), I might follow through on Hyde Park/Tampa or Scottsdale/Phoenix. Or, if you're desiring other warm weather venues with tight communities and access to outdoor activity, you might consider:
Atlanta: Midtown, Virginia-Highland, Inman Park, Old Fourth Ward
Houston: The Heights, Montrose, Midtown, West University
Dallas: Bishop Arts District, Deep Ellum, Knox-Henderson
Austin: South Congress, Travis Heights, Hyde Park
If all else fails, I can forward you the #s of some of my single nieces. They are hot!
Absolutely! There are endless hordes of low quality men out there. I'm disgusted by many in my generation that just want to sit around playing video games, eating Doritos, and MAYBE earning a dinky paycheck. Cal me judgmental if you want, but these people are a huge negative drain on my energy and I can't be around them. I'm never going back haha. That is why I want to gravitate to where the best of both sexes congregate. High quality dudes make great friends. It's not just about the women. My criticism does not apply to all women at all, in fact I specifically say I'm looking for a good one, implying there are good ones. Unfortunately, it does apply to ALOT of them outside of the cities. And while I know there are some good ones in the burbs, I play the odds and the odds favor the cities.
1. Grocery store preferably organic (tampa has this), decent gym (tampa has this), restaurants and coffee shops and public hangout spots. You do consider Scottsdale limited? I remember Old Town being a pretty large walkable area. But it has been awhile and I can't remember if it was everyday stuff and not just bars and clubs. I'll have to visit soon. Tampa has all of this. NYC for sure does. I would be looking around union square / Washington square.
2. College women certainly don't hurt. Ideal for me is like 25ish but under that with her head on straight is just fine. Soho/Hyde park in Tampa is where all the university of Tampa people live and Scottsdale has ASU nearby in Tempe I believe. Don't know how much they venture into Scottsdale proper, or if it is an older crowd.
3. I am fortunate enough to currently make multiple seven figures per year. I don't show it, but it's nice to be able to have a lot of options. As I grew up poor, I still cringe when something seems expensive even when it isn't relative to my budget. The area in NYC I'd like has an entry price of about $3k/mo. You can spend much more than that, the sky is the limit in NYC, but I won't be doing that.
4. Not interested in Boston. I narrowed it down to these three to really focus. However, others in the running were San Diego (taxes), Santa Barbara (small? + taxes), Denver (winters), Charleston SC (never been + small), and some foreign ones (huge learning curve of learning another language and culture).
It's encouraging to hear from someone motivated to change their life for the better, hold himself to a standard, and surround himself with people of like mind. Good for you!
Scottsdale's Old Town is nice, just small compared to NYC or where I live (Philly). It depends on how much you want from a place IMO. I love a big city where the options for urban exploration, cultural amenities, and lifestyle options are extensive (and you don't run out of places to walk). If I were you, I'd go for NYC. If you buy a place (sounds like you could), it's not like you're going to lose money and it's a place that has so much to offer.
Regardless, best of luck to you!
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