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I wouldn't waste money sending a kid like this to college. He's not ready, and may never be. For an enormous investment, college is no guarantee of a job for even the most successful student. And while in the past a college degree could be counted on to pay off in the long run, I truly doubt that will be true in the future for all but a few very difficult and highly demanding fields. I think much of the statistical "proof" that college pays off is simply a result of the fact that almost everyone in the upper class goes to college, while far fewer of the lowest class go.
While of course he should be required to work (and not sit back and let you support him) during his high energy years, he needs time to realize either that he wants and needs a college degree, or not. If not, perhaps an apprenticeship would be preferable to a trade school, if he doesn't like the academic structure. College not only takes money that could be otherwise invested (say in starting a business once motivation and aptitude are proven), but it also keeps him out of the job market for 4 or 5 years, and costs him 4 or 5 years of experience in a trade or vocation.
In today's economy, if he has any talent or interest in a trade, he's ahead of the game. Our nation will have far more opportunity for earning a living in areas that are necessary for society to function, as opposed to jobs that businesses are frantic to eliminate.
I agree. Your son is not ready for college now, so don't force him. A lot of young kids just want to get out into the work force, so let him see if he can find a job.
No threats, but if it were me, I'd tell him my rule is college or technical/vocational school (military option would provide it's own arrangements so not an issue) is a requirement for living rent free in my house because those are pathways to supporting one's self. If one is not on that path, I must assume he feels he is already there so he needs to support himself.
^^ This.
I know that's not what you want to hear, but honestly, you can't make another adult want to do something. You have no control over that. You only have control over how willing you are to support his choices.
^^ and this.
It's not about "school" per se... it's about preparation for self sufficiency.
I agree. Your son is not ready for college now, so don't force him. A lot of young kids just want to get out into the work force, so let him see if he can find a job.
Just to be clear, he has been working. He told me last night that he is not dropping out now or in four years. He was just curious about his options for making money without a degree. I told him what his "options" would be if he decided to go that way. Didn't sound very attractive to him.
Just curious..do parents really force their "adult" children to go into the armed forces these days? That is what it sounded like from a few people here. What do you do? Join the army or you're going to be out in the street? Sign up for them? I just don't understand how you "make" someone enlist that doesn't want to?
Just to be clear, he has been working. He told me last night that he is not dropping out now or in four years. He was just curious about his options for making money without a degree. I told him what his "options" would be if he decided to go that way. Didn't sound very attractive to him.
Just curious..do parents really force their "adult" children to go into the armed forces these days? That is what it sounded like from a few people here. What do you do? Join the army or you're going to be out in the street? Sign up for them? I just don't understand how you "make" someone enlist that doesn't want to?
With all due respect to the military (not all branches are a walk in the park and you can't be a total tool and expect to get in), but the military is a last resort option for many who don't have the finances to go to college or who need to toughen up.
The military will take in anyone (especially the Army) and mold them into a man (or woman). I have never met anyone that was going down the wrong path and decided to join the military not come back as a changed person.
You can't "force" your kid to sign up because chances are he is 18 and is considered legally an adult and can refuse to sign the papers (unless if you threaten to kick him out of the house if he/she doesn't join).
I have a son who went military, the reason is that he wanted to...he was an ROTC addict, he is an adrenaline junkie. He would have either ended up in prison, or dead if he was not in the military. He hates anything to do with sitting, reading, computer work. He needs to be moving, running, shouting..that is the type of kid he always was...every week he tells me about some death defying thing he did, he signs up for the most extreme things...or gets sent up for them, or whatever they do in the military...last week it was learning about some sort of new weapon, which he loved.
I don't think military is an option for every one...it should not be an alternative for a lazy kid. But in my kid's case, it was probably the best option. He would probably be out of work construction right now, getting into trouble if he was not in the military. I can't think of a job he could do...construction, which has no work...my son barely passed the ASVAB. He can barely read, unless it is instructions for putting together a gun or something, in which case he knows all about it.
College is not for everyone. Quitting college is not the worst thing in the world. But...letting a kid stay home, watching tv, and eating food for free is enabling. If the kid is working, full time, I see no problems with letting him make his own choices. But, I would say he needs to move out within 6 months. That is really letting him see what the real world is like...
I have a son who went military, the reason is that he wanted to...he was an ROTC addict, he is an adrenaline junkie. He would have either ended up in prison, or dead if he was not in the military. He hates anything to do with sitting, reading, computer work. He needs to be moving, running, shouting..that is the type of kid he always was...every week he tells me about some death defying thing he did, he signs up for the most extreme things...or gets sent up for them, or whatever they do in the military...last week it was learning about some sort of new weapon, which he loved.
I don't think military is an option for every one...it should not be an alternative for a lazy kid. But in my kid's case, it was probably the best option. He would probably be out of work construction right now, getting into trouble if he was not in the military. I can't think of a job he could do...construction, which has no work...my son barely passed the ASVAB. He can barely read, unless it is instructions for putting together a gun or something, in which case he knows all about it.
College is not for everyone. Quitting college is not the worst thing in the world. But...letting a kid stay home, watching tv, and eating food for free is enabling. If the kid is working, full time, I see no problems with letting him make his own choices. But, I would say he needs to move out within 6 months. That is really letting him see what the real world is like...
Again, to be clear, he is working part time as he is a full time student at a community college. He does not sit around all day eating me out of house and home while watching tv. He is usually gone from 12 pm to 10pm going to school and then to work. He is actually rarely here. We don't give him money to play. We do buy the essentials and the rest is up to him. We are not forking out a fortune at our local community college either. Even if his grades were great in high school, community college would still be how he would go just to mature a little more and get a taste of what he has to do to be self sufficient. Hoping for the best.
At some point, one must be willing to let them grow up and live with the rewards or consequences of their own actions. Even if it means failing a time or two. By always protecting them from the risk of failure, we risk not allowing them to own their success.
Parenting is difficult.
Last edited by maciesmom; 10-21-2011 at 01:43 PM..
Well, when I was a freshman in college, I considered dropping out. I was so stressed because I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and such. That was back in 2005. Now, in 2011, I've been graduated for over a year now. I'm still working part-time at a job that I've had since I started college, but hopefully I'll find a job in my field sooner or later. But believe me, college has been worth it. Why? Well, I've had 2 interviews since graduating. I didn't get the jobs, but I was definitely considered simply because I had a college degree. I couldn't imagine what my prospects would look like if I didn't have a degree. Working in retail sucks in my opinion, and I couldn't imagine working it for the rest of my life. I'm 100% so happy I decided to stick with college and graduate. It may be a struggle now for him, but it pays off in the end in my opinion. I was told by the people that gave me the interviews that without a degree I would have never been given the time of day to at least get an interview. That right there made going to college worth it because it gives me hope I'll be able to sooner or later start something worth making a career out of. Just my 2 cents.
And tell him that yeah, people can get filthy rich without a degree, but if it's so easy why haven't most been able to do it?
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