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My family basically told me all my accomplishments in life too include college and grad school is me just bragging. I'm the first person in my family that went beyond HS. My mom never finished HS or had her GED. It's not common for families to feel negative about edu but it does happen. Do what you have to and make the choices that are best for your life. I didn't formally disown my family but after that was said I cut off all communication. They can call whenever they want but they chose not too. My focus in life is surrounding myself with people that are like minded and positive influences. And they are neither.
Thank you. It's the same for my family. I'm the first in my immediate family to go off to college and get an undergrad degree and prospects of grad school too. It's a shame they can't be happy for me. I can't wait to leave because, like you said, I just want to be around positive, like minded people.
For the past few months that Ive been looking at colleges to apply for, I have been hounded by my step dad about going (far) away for school. Hes been getting pissed at me for mentioning the schools I wanted to attend and ask me why do I want to leave. It's pretty annoying, since I live in a rural town about a half hour to a hour to get to anywhere fun. I really want to experience being on my own for the first time and want to leave my comfort zone of where I live to explore somewhere else, but my step dad keeps getting hostile about it.
He has even threatened to kick me out of the house (unfortunately, I live with him, and I don't have a job) and even called me arrogant for going off to college. When I try to defend myself, he tells me to shut up. It's getting pretty bad. I try to avoid him at all costs and stay in my room most of the day. I talked to a counselor at the college I go to and she told me this is pretty common for college students is to have family or family members treat them like this when they plan on continuing onto higher education.
She told me that some families disown their children, siblings, etc. because of their achievements and educational goals. Idk, my step dad always talks about how he "made it" without a college degree and how he graduated from HS and went off into the army and then works as a senior level Foreman was good enough for him. I tell him that while that is good he achieved that, I wanted to get a college and grad degree because the days of a HS diploma being good enough to find a decent career are over.
Has anyone been through this with family or know of these things? I find it odd because my whole life I was told to "go to school and be somebody with my life" but when I do, it's now "bad."
Just because it's "common" doesn't mean it's right. I can understand him being apprehensive about you leaving and even a little hurt, but the way he's treating you is unacceptable and is emotional abuse. Try to find the strength to keep working toward those goals, it's your life, and there is nothing for you in your small hometown. Also it'd be nice if someone would remind your stepdad that things today aren't the way they were when he was coming of age. That's all mute. What you need to address is this toxic behavior and get out ASAP.
You've got the whole rest of your life to worry about. You have to do what is going to be best for you in the long run.
Make sure you know the costs and potential earning opportunities for the schools you are considering. A college degree is no guarantee of a high paying job either. You have to pick the right program and the right school.
I'm planning on applying to a school with a strong and highly ranked department for my major (Poli Sci). I'm also planning on taking any internship opportunities while in school to garner some work experience before I graduate. I'm also planning on doing some heavy networking too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece
Stop talking to him about it. Make your plans and go live your life.
I'm not talking about it. He bring it up most of the time. He keeps saying how the east coast is horrible and that people are mean and crazy and how the weather is bad, etc. Then they're times when he gets randomly upset and threatens to kick me "out in the street." I try to avoid him by staying in my room most of the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by joe from dayton
How are you going to pay for tuition, housing, meal plan, etc.?
Get it governed by Fin Aid. The school(s) I'm applying to are some of the "best value" schools so I'll save a lot of money while in school. It's two of the SUNY colleges and their fin aid packages for out of state students is pretty low and affordable compared to other places. I'm honestly not to worried about that since I'm a transfer student whose only planning on being there for two years. I'm also going to look into a work study to have some money for myself since Ive applied for it on my FAFSA.
If your step-dad is footing the bill, then, he has a say in where you go. If you can attend college and live at home, the cost is a whole lot less to come out of your parent's income.
If you are in college, living at home why not finish your degree there? That way you can have a degree behind you when you are looking for a job.
But, if you are the type that wants to move out, but will have to rely on your Mom and Step-Dad to cover the bills, or help w/ your rent and food, etc...It may cost your folks less if you stay home.
You need to show some responsibilities where you are, get a job, start making your way.
If you go ahead and get a job in the location you want to attend college than you can do it on your own, and on your own dime. It won't be easy, it costs plenty to go to school. If you really want to move away it just takes you stepping up and finding a way to do that.
I personally have never heard of folks berating their children for trying to improve themselves. I feel badly for you that your family is behaving this way. As soon as you get yourself out and get some independence, then they have no say at all. Good luck to you.
If your step-dad is footing the bill, then, he has a say in where you go. If you can attend college and live at home, the cost is a whole lot less to come out of your parent's income.
'
Ive been surviving on grants so far and will have my first two years of school paid for with grants. Hes not paying for anything. The last two years will be the same. Hes not paying for it either and the tuition at the schools I'm applying at are much cheaper than other out of state colleges. I'm planning on graduating with little to no debt, since I only need to complete two years there.
Get it governed by Fin Aid. The school(s) I'm applying to are some of the "best value" schools so I'll save a lot of money while in school. It's two of the SUNY colleges and their fin aid packages for out of state students is pretty low and affordable compared to other places. I'm honestly not to worried about that since I'm a transfer student whose only planning on being there for two years. I'm also going to look into a work study to have some money for myself since Ive applied for it on my FAFSA.
A word of warning...
If he is mad enough, he can refuse to fill out the FAFSA and your financial aid will be revoked. When that happens, your deferred loans go into immediate repay status as well.
I choose to go away for school on a full ride merit scholarship. My father was upset about this, but realized that he could force me to drop out and come back home by refusing to fill out the FAFSA (even merit scholarships still require your family to fill out the FAFSA). Not only will you lose your financial aid and loans, but you will be ineligible for work study too.
I would not mention any of this to him. Do not give him ideas. Be aware though that there is that risk out there.
I personally have never heard of folks berating their children for trying to improve themselves. I feel badly for you that your family is behaving this way. As soon as you get yourself out and get some independence, then they have no say at all. Good luck to you.
It is really common unfortunately. I attended University of Chicago, and I saw far too many students forced to drop out because their parents refused to fill out the aid forms or otherwise pulled the financial rug out from under their kids. Sometimes it was over choice of majors, sometimes choice of schools like for me, other times it was because they wanted their kids back home working (especially in the family business) instead of attending college.
I choose to go away for school on a full ride merit scholarship. My father was upset about this, but realized that he could force me to drop out and come back home by refusing to fill out the FAFSA (even merit scholarships still require your family to fill out the FAFSA). Not only will you lose your financial aid and loans, but you will be ineligible for work study too.
Wow!
Is this something new?
My kids had merit scholarships (graduated in 2006 and 2009), and I was specifically told I did NOT have to fill out the FAFSA/CSS Profile forms.
If he is mad enough, he can refuse to fill out the FAFSA and your financial aid will be revoked. When that happens, your deferred loans go into immediate repay status as well.
I choose to go away for school on a full ride merit scholarship. My father was upset about this, but realized that he could force me to drop out and come back home by refusing to fill out the FAFSA (even merit scholarships still require your family to fill out the FAFSA). Not only will you lose your financial aid and loans, but you will be ineligible for work study too.
I would not mention any of this to him. Do not give him ideas. Be aware though that there is that risk out there.
Thank you for the reply! It's horrible that any parent would do this. I honestly don't understand where this resentment comes from. You'd think any parent would be proud of their kid succeeding and getting a higher education. I won't mention anything else to him. I'm just going to quietly complete my applications and wait to see the results. Thanks again for sharing your story and advice!
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